Stay Anyway
by Papergirl
Summary: COMPLETED "You could give me a hundred good reasons to leave, and I can't give you one good reason to stay... stay anyway." - Hawkeye Pierce, MASH
1. Down the Toilet

Title: Stay Anyway

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Spoilers: So far, it's ITSOTG, and minor ones for Stackhouse Filibuster,

Celestial Navigation, and any episodes with Mandy, Joey, Laurie, and Ainsley

Archive: Anywhere, just let me know

Rating: PG-13 for mild swearing and brief adultlike situations

Category: Romantic Dramedy

Pairing: Sam/Ainsley, Josh/Donna, Sam/Lisa?

Disclaimer: Okay, I don't own the West Wing characters, but, I did create

the personality and history for Lisa Prescott, Alexander Prescott, security

guard Dave, and the other characters you don't recognize. Please ask before

borrowing so I can pack them a sack lunch. Also, I don't own any of the

songs I mention - they belong to their respective bands.

Feedback: Yes, please at Ambino1111@prodigy.net.

Summary: "You could give me a hundred good reasons to leave, and I can't

give you one good reason to stay... stay anyway." - Benjamin "Hawkeye"

Pierce, M*A*S*H

Author's Notes: This is, by far, the most ambitious fanfic I've ever

written. I swore that I wouldn't start posting until I was 100% done with

it, but... well, it's my 18th birthday and I felt like it. :-) Here's my

plan - I will be posting a new part every week (which will hopefully give me

enough time to finish it). If I slack off in this plan, feel free to email

me threatening letters. Maybe that'll kick my butt into gear.

Special thanks go to Kira Starr, friend and wingnut extraordinaire, who has

been reading this story despite her initial cry of "Sam and Lisa! NO! I'm

not going to read that!" I had to assure her that it would all be fine in

the end, and add some Josh and Donna bits (which I was going to do anyway)

to keep her happy. ;-)

Title: Stay Anyway 1/?

Author: Amber Ambino1111@prodigy.net

Oh, life is good.

Life is very, very good. And, believe it or not, I'm talking about _my_

life.

Right now, Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care

Package, an amendment to H.R. 206. It deals with increased spending in many

medical fields, specifically dental, nursing home care, and emergency

procedures. As Josh says, it's a fight worth fighting, and we're currently

giving it everything we've got. Case in point - it's four oh seven, and I'm

just heading out to get some lunch.

The White House has been considerably calmer this week, but by no means is

it peaceful. The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday

evening. Josh and I were "not needed", and so were handed a heaping mound of

files to sift through before our meetings on the Hill next week. The bill is

going up for a vote in three weeks, and because of our recent overwhelming

schedules with the grand juries and such, the poor amendment has been rather

neglected. Now, with the tempestuous times behind us and Jed Bartlet secure

as President, H.R. 206 is getting the attention it rightly deserves.

And, if I may say so myself, Josh and I are ready to kick some Republican

butt on the subject.

Speaking of Republican butts, which, now that I think about it, probably

isn't the best segue, wait - what was I going to say? Oh yeah, speaking of

Republicans and their posteriors, Josh and I have been talking quite a lot

lately, and he's persuaded me to ask Ainsley Hayes out. On a date. As in a

"real" date. The dinner we accidentally shared in the mess last week, which

ended with both of us arguing over the last slice of apple pie, hardly

counts for anything.

In fact, after lunch, I'm going to march down to the Steam Pipe Trunk

Distribution Venue and ask her out to dinner. Yes. Let it be known that I,

Samuel Norman Seaborn, am a risk-taker, one who will surely be beheaded by

CJ come Monday, but also one who doesn't care about it. At least, not yet -

it's only Friday.

So, as I was saying earlier, life is good. So good, in fact, that I should

have seen this coming. Really, despite all my cunning and guile, I need to

be more aware of my surroundings.

Maybe I should explain things a bit. Okay, so I'm going out to have a quick

lunch in the surprisingly sunny city, taking a stroll around Pennsylvania

Avenue as I feast on a hot dog and a can of root beer. I'm enjoying the

slight exercise after having spent the last six hours sitting in a chair in

Josh's perennially dark office, so I decide to take the long way back. On my

way inside I happen to pass a tour group, and that's when it happens.

Flush! The good life has disappeared down the toilet.

It can't be her, the rational part of my brain insists. It _cannot_ be her.

Maybe...

Nah, it's not. It couldn't be. I must be seeing things. There is no way on

this planet that she is standing there right now. Life doesn't work life

that.

Oh, but that woman could pass as her twin. Her hair's a little shorter, but

she's the same height and - Oh my God. It's really her. It's really, truly,

actually her.

Without realizing it, I am backing around the corner. To the untrained eye

it may appear almost as if I am hiding, but Samuel Norman Seaborn is a

risk-taker, not a hider. I am merely appreciating the aesthetic beauty of

the semi-glossy white paint on the pillar in front of me.

I peek around the aforementioned pillar, searching the tour group for her

face. It's been, what... almost three years since I've last seen her, and

even from across the room I can tell Lisa Prescott has changed. Well,

perhaps not changed so much as... matured.

I spot her familiar head of curly brown hair and receive my second shock of

the day - she's holding a baby.

I feel a sudden jolt in my heart. It's odd, but my body has forgotten how to

breathe. I haven't felt this bitter sting of pain since Mallory dumped me

for that hockey player.

So... Lisa's married. Why should I care? Why _do_ I care? What we had was in

the past, and there it shall remain.

Besides, I have to get back to work. That bill won't pass by itself.

I shake my head at the corniness of that thought, and make the decision to

leave. I suddenly realize with horror that my legs, moving of their own

accord, are propelling me in the opposite direction. I'm moving towards her!

My head screams "Run away!", and my heart just about quits its day job.

But my legs have started a mutiny, one my mouth seems eager to join.

I'm standing next to my ex-fiancee, jovially announcing "Hello" as I ponder

the presence of a voodoo doll in the White House. It's a possibility, right?

At least she looks as surprised as I am. She pales, and I fear momentarily

that she is going to pass out, but she shakes her head slightly, chokes out

"Sam", and offers me her free hand.

I awkwardly shake it, noting the absence of a wedding ring on her left ring

finger.

"How've you been?" I inquire, trying to get a glimpse of the baby's face. I

glance back at her, noticing the hesitant smile that doesn't quite reach her

eyes.

"Oh, me? I've - I've been... just great. Excellent. How've you been?"

The toddler in her arms is facing the other way, gulping milk out of a

bottle, and has little interest in me. I straighten my suit coat and brush

imaginary lint off my tie.

"I'm great, too. It was a little shaky for a while, but the hearings are

over, and well... I'm living my dream." I put more enthusiasm into my

response than is warranted. It's somehow essential that she knows that this

- The White House - this is my dream, and nothing, no one, else.

"I'm glad," She pauses, looking down at her feet. "I've been following your

career. I'm very proud of you, you know." She looks up when she says this,

and I feel a shiver of something course through my body. Her green eyes are

so sincere, and she smiles slightly, revealing her ever-white teeth. "A call

girl, though? I mean, really, Sam."

Before I know it I'm laughing. She instantly looks more at ease, but doesn't

join me.

"I'm never going to live down that one," I admit, marveling at how she can

simultaneously look so familiar and so unknown.

"How is the President?" She asks, staring down the hall as her group

continues its tour.

I follow her gaze. "Oh, he's fine. We're all thrilled with the outcome of

the hearings, and things are returning to business as usual around here."

She nods, shifting the baby, her purse, and the large diaper bag to her

other shoulder. "That's great. I thought - well, I'm happy everything worked

out."

We slip into an uncomfortable silence, both of us unsure of what to say.

"I thought you were in China," She declares finally, a slightly accusing

tone apparent in her voice.

"Originally I was going to go, but Josh and I had some extra work to do."

She nods, satisfied with my vague answer. "How is Josh? I was praying for

him after Rosslyn."

"He's doing much better now. He's back to his normal, loud, egotistical

self," I report with a grin. Lisa almost smiles back.

"Listen, Sam. I wouldn't have come if I thought you were here."

Her voice and her face are so apologetic that it surprises me. I reach out

and put a friendly hand on her arm. "Why would you not want to come here?" I

inquire softly. There's an eerie sense of deja vu, and I already know her

answer. A part of me is still hoping it's not what I think.

"Please, Sam. Let's not go there right now."

I back off, moving the hand that was formerly on her shoulder into my pants

pocket. "It's water under the bridge. Really. There's nothing to fight

about," The words are spoken with so much conviction that I almost believe

them myself.

She looks visibly relieved, but still very reserved. Not at all like the

Lisa I used to know.

"So, what are you doing in DC?" I cross my arms and watch as Lisa deftly

bends to retrieve a stuffed bear from the floor. She hands it to the kid and

answers without looking at me.

"It's my father - Edward. He's... he's not doing too well and I'm placing

him in an institution."

"An institution?" My voice is freakishly high. I clear my throat. "Why would

he need an institution?"

"He has Alzheimer's, Sam. You knew that."

I cringe at the hurt tone in her voice - I _did_ know that, and after that

terrible night I never should have forgotten it.

"I know, I know. I'm sorry... How is he doing?"

Lisa's exasperation is unmistakable. "How do you _think_ he's doing, Sam?

I'm putting him in an institution," Her sarcasm does little to hide the

sadness in her voice.

"Um. So, how's your mother taking this?"

Open mouth, insert foot. I know as soon as I say the words that I shouldn't

have. I wish desperately that I could take them back.

Lisa's eyes have clouded over, and even the baby starts whimpering. I'm such

an idiot. I should have known - when we separated, Rose wasn't in the best

of health. Why did I have to ask her?

"Mom died a few weeks after you left," She informs me softly, bouncing the

baby a little to quiet him.

"I'm so sorry. Why didn't you call me?"

She looks at me, incredulous. "Are you kidding me, Sam? My father was sick,

my mother had just died, and I found - I was supposed to call my ex-fiancee

in the midst of all this?"

I can be a real jerk sometimes.

"I can be a real jerk sometimes," I tell her apologetically. She sniffs a

little and faintly smiles up at me.

"That's nothing new," The twinkle in her eyes reveals itself briefly, then

disappears again. Lisa checks her watch, a feat made more complicated by the

wiggling baby in her arms.

"I should go catch up with my tour group," She says, gesturing towards the

emptying hallway. "It was... nice seeing you."

She starts to walk off before I can process what's happening. I hurry to her

side, gently grabbing her arm. "Wait!"

She looks up at me expectantly. Even the baby swivels around to examine me,

his big turquoise eyes searching my face.

"Areyoubusytonight?" I chuckle nervously after my words come out in a big

jumble. "I mean, if you're not - you know, busy tonight... would you like to

go out to dinner? To catch up on things?"

"I - well, I actually _am_ busy tonight. I have to get Dad settled in, and

there's a lot of paperwork I have to sign."

I can actually feel my face fall, and I try to hide it by bending to tie my

already-tied shoe. "Oh, well then, that's all right. It was just a thought."

"I'm free tomorrow night."

"That's also good," I stand up in a flash, smiling happily, and this time

I'm rewarded with one in return. "What time is good for you?" Internally I

berate myself for being unable to come up with a synonym for "good." For God

sakes, I'm a speech writer!

It doesn't seem to bother Lisa. She shifts the baby again and he leans up

against her shoulder, face turned towards me.

"Oh, anytime, really. Whenever you get off of work is fine."

I nod, and the baby smiles at me. I mirror the smile, then look at Lisa.

"What's his name?"

"Alexander."

"Alexander what?" I ask, curiosity getting the best of me.

She looks slightly embarrassed. "Alexander Norman Prescott. He's two years

old and very tired. We've been sight-seeing all day."

I recognize her diversionary tactic, but I cannot be deterred.

"Alexander Norman? You named him after me?"

"Oh, don't be so flattered. I have an uncle named Norman." I don't think she

does, but I'm not going to bother with that right now.

"So... who's the father?" I try to sound as casual as possible, but I know

from experience that I can't fool her.

She avoids my gaze. "He didn't stick around. He doesn't know. It was sort of

a... fling - I mean, I certainly didn't expect him to stay."

I nod, believing her story but wondering what she left out. Lisa was not the

type for one night stands, unless...

I'm no math wizard, but if Alex is two years old... factoring in the nine

months... he was conceived roughly a few months after Lisa and I split. Oh

God. I upset her so much that she went out and got pregnant. What if, deep

down, she hates me for it? What if she's only having dinner with me so that

she can beat me to death in a public place? What if -

Wait. That's not Lisa.

If she were going to beat me, it'd be in a more private place. And I'd

deserve it.

"You okay, Sam?" She asks. I snap out of my thoughts and realize I haven't

said anything in a few minutes.

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking - yeah, I gotta get back to Josh.

I'll see you tomorrow, though? Why don't you come here around eight -

hopefully I'll be done by then."

"Okay," She agrees, adjusting her grip on the yawning toddler. "I just show

up here?"

"Yeah, I'll tell them you're coming."

She nods, looking slightly enthusiastic, and turns again to go catch up with

her tour group. I sigh and start walking to Josh's office, asking myself

what in the world just happened.

***

"-number of nursing home residents is projected to increase by nearly half a

million people by 2010, which means that there will be greater emphasis on

- Sam? Sam? Are you even paying attention?"

I look up from the notes I am studying and tiredly rub my sore eyes. "No."

"Thank you for your honesty," Josh quips sarcastically, running a hand

through his wild hair. "At least I wasn't wasting time and, you know,

energy."

Now I feel slightly guilty. "Sorry," I mumble sincerely. I close the file

folder and toss it on the larger of the two piles next to Josh's desk.

Unfortunately I have bad aim, and it hits the side, causing about fifty

files to slide off the top. "Sorry again."

Without moving his body, Josh's eyes study the floor, now littered with a

motley collection of folders and papers, and he sighs loudly.

"'Housekeeper', my ass, Sam."

I find the energy to grin from my spot on Josh's couch. I'm laying on my

back, which, I've discovered, isn't the best position to lie in if you're

trying to stay awake on very little sleep.

Josh takes a deep breath before bellowing "DONNA!"

The ragged-looking assistant appears in the doorway moments later,

suppressing a yawn. "What is it now, Josh?"

He motions towards the stack with his head, to which she replies by putting

her hands on her hips and shaking her blonde hair.

"No. No, Joshua! I just organized those stupid things. I am _not_ about to

do it again, at two in the morning no less."

I watch their argument from my vantage point on the couch, mesmerized. They

really do bicker like an old married couple. I've mentioned this to Josh

several times, but he always changes the subject and I easily forget to

change it back, as most of those types of discussions take place in the

presence of alcohol.

Donna shrugs in defeat, leaving me wondering what just transpired. Perhaps

if I hadn't zoned out for a minute -

"Sam?"

"Yeah?" I answer, feeling exhausted from the effort of responding.

"All right, I give up. What the hell is up with you today?"

"Huh?" I look over at Josh, who is now standing across the room, stamping

his foot on the floor repeatedly. From her spot on the floor, Donna is

snickering quietly while she restacks the folders. My eyes narrow at my best

friend. "Just _what_ are you doing?"

Josh shakes his head with a groan. "My foot fell asleep. Pay attention, will

you?"

I nod, turning on my side in order to face him.

"What happened at lunch today?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, I don't know," Josh's sarcasm rears its ugly head. "This morning and

afternoon you were fine, you were working, you were attentive. But ever

since you left for lunch you've been in a different world."

"Maybe he's dreaming about life outside the west wing," Donna suggests. Josh

stops kicking the floor long enough to glare at her.

"I met Lisa in the lobby."

"Lisa? Lisa who?" Josh asks, his eyebrows furrow funnily as his mind sorts

through all the Lisas we know.

"Lisa Prescott."

Josh's eyes grow wide and his jaw drops open. He halts his stomping with his

foot midway in the air, and if I had the energy I would laugh at him.

"Lisa?" he croaks in amazement.

Now I've caught Donna's attention, too. She's stopped stacking the folders

and is listening without appearing to be. With a groan I sit up and remove

my glasses, cleaning them on my wrinkled white shirt.

Josh is nearly going berserk at my silence. "C'mon, Sam," he pleads,

dropping into his chair. "Spill."

"Oh, there isn't much to tell," I say nonchalantly. Josh fixes his Master

Politician stare on me, and I momentarily take pity on him.

"Sam," He warns.

"Well, she got a haircut."

Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?"

"Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a

baby."

Had Josh been drinking something, he would have spit it out. Even Donna, who

I had all but forgotten about, turns to look at me in surprise. She had

heard stories during the campaign.

When I turn back to Josh, he just shakes his head. After a second, Donna

turns back to her work and pretends to ignore me again. I stop paying

attention to both of them, however, as I run my hand through my hair and

sigh. Seeing Lisa today was like a smack in the head, and I am still

reeling.

"Is she married?" Josh inquires gently. "Did you meet her husband?"

"No," I answer quietly. I'm staring at his desk, but not really seeing it,

focusing instead on the memories of my relationship with Lisa as they

suddenly flood my mind.

I've never really let myself think about how much I miss her.

"No what? No she's not married, or no you didn't meet her husband?"

"She's not married," I say, snapping back into the present. "She had a fling

with a guy and never told him about the kid."

"Is the kid a boy or girl?" Josh asks, absorbing the information as quickly

as I give it. I wonder why it seems important to him - he and Lisa got off

on the wrong foot many years ago.

"Boy. He's two years old and his name is Alexander."

"Was it awkward?"

"Yeah. And I'm having dinner with her tomorrow."

Josh nods, apparently not surprised. He picks up a pencil from his desk and

starts twirling it with his fingers, then stares at the carpet a bit. I lay

back down and lapse into a state of waking sleep.

My eyes jerk open. It seems like it's only been minutes, but my watch says

differently. Josh is now thoroughly engrossed in a file and Donna has left.

The office is silent, save for Josh's page turning and our breathing.

"Let's go home," I mumble as I struggle into a sitting position. Josh jumps

in surprise at my voice, then rubs his eyes. He nods in agreement, tossing

the file on top of his desk as he stands.

"I didn't have the heart to wake you," He whispers apologetically. I yawn as

I grab my suit coat and follow him into the dark and lifeless bullpen.

"It's okay," I tell him after I've stored up enough energy to speak. "I just

haven't been sleeping much lately."

Josh doesn't say anything, but I see in his eyes that he understands. The

past few months of dealing with the MS backlash while trying to run the

country has been taking a toll on everyone, and this latest craze over H.R.

206 hasn't been helping with the recuperation either.

"'Night, Dave," Josh calls to one of the guards as we exit the White House.

"See you in a few hours, Mr. Lyman," Dave replies with a sympathetic smile.

I breathe in sharply as the cold night air hits my skin, and Josh looks at

me as we plod down the endless number of stairs. He is wearing a jacket, I

am not. A true Californian at heart, I never expect July to be so chilly.

There is no one on the street at three in the morning; no one that wants to

be there, anyway. I'm sure if the drug dealers, late-night prostitutes, and

homeless folk were offered a comfortable bed and a decent meal, no one would

be roaming the streets of DC at such an ungodly hour.

We should offer them a comfortable bed and a decent meal.

Josh and I haven't uttered a word since we left work, and I'm glad we're

good enough friends that we don't have to. I'm too tired and frozen to focus

on a conversation anyhow.

It isn't a long walk to Josh's, and I find myself envying him as we part. I

live three more blocks away, which may as well be in Chicago.

"Bye, Sam. Try to get some sleep," Josh calls over his shoulder as he walks

toward his building. He knows I won't, but I appreciate the sentiment

anyway. I sigh and continue my long trek to my apartment.

TBC


	2. The Arrival

Title: Stay Anyway 2/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers and other notes found in Prologue

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care

Package, an amendment to H.R. 206. It deals with increased spending in many

medical fields, specifically dental, nursing home care, and emergency

procedures.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday

evening. Josh and I were "not needed", and so were handed a heaping mound of

files to sift through before our meetings on the Hill next week.

… he's persuaded me to ask Ainsley Hayes out. On a date. As in a

"real" date.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

… "Yeah. And I'm having dinner with her tomorrow."

*****

Where were you when I was burned and broken

While the days slipped by my window watching

Where were you when I was hurt and I was helpless

Because the things you say and the things you do surround me

While you were hanging yourself on someone else's words

Dying to believe in what you heard

I was staring straight into the shining sun

-Coming Back to Life, Pink Floyd

*****

Life sucks.

Yep, that's right. My life sucks.

Why, after all I've been through in the past three years, why oh why did I have to run into Sam Seaborn today?

I suppose I should have seen it coming. I'm putting my father in an institution in his hometown of Washington DC, and a meeting with my former fiancee, who just so happens to work in the White House, was inevitable.

I just didn't expect it to happen today. It was supposed to be safe - Sam was in China. I figured that while Dad was meeting his new care givers, I would show Alex around town. After all, we'll be moving here it two weeks. I should know by now that nothing is ever easy for me.

I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer. Maybe it's because a lot has happened since then. I'm not the person I used to be - I've buried one parent, essentially lost the other, and I've had a child of my own. If that's not enough to change a person's life, I don't know what is.

The freakiest part about this whole situation is that, after months of not even thinking about Sam, I had a dream about him the night before we arrived in DC. The dream was weird, as mine usually are, and if I remembered anything from Psychology 101 I could analyze it to see just how insane I really am. Anyway, the dream. So yeah, I'm in this bizarre circular court house, and my mother is in the judge's seat. I'm being charged with something - they never tell me what - and all my friends and family are paraded up to the witness stand to testify against me. My father tells me I'm despicable and selfish, my best friend Shirley declares that I'm thoughtless and irresponsible, and even Alexander accuses me of carelessness and incompetence. I'm already in tears when the last witness is sworn in; it's Samuel Seaborn. His angry words hurt the most. I wish I could forget all the terrible things he called me, all the wrongs he blamed on me, but it's been imprinted on my soul.

I woke up in tears, and when I saw Sam later that day, everything he told me in the dream came rushing back, loud and clear. That, combined with the genuine shock of seeing him, made it hard not to cry.

Somehow, over twenty-four hours later, I still want to cry.

I'm not sure what we're going to say tonight. He'll ask about the past three years, and although it's too painful to talk about, I'll fill him in on the details. I'll explain how I cared for both Mom and Dad after her stroke, I'll tell him about speech therapy and seizures and blank stares. I'll attempt to describe the sad look my father would give my mother every morning, knowing full well that she was gone and he was slipping away, too. I could discuss how I had to make funeral arrangements during my morning sickness. Maybe I'll inform him of all the nights I cried for hours, unable to sleep, all the nights I picked up the phone, determined to call him on his cell phone, only to lose my nerve at the last minute. While I'm at it, I might as well tell him about the painful decision of leaving the father's name off of the birth certificate, the guilt of raising my son without a dad he deserves.

It wasn't _all_ that bad, though. I'll tell him that, too, because there were times when it truly wasn't. The few days when Dad acted normal, the quiet nights when Alex and I would curl up in bed and watch news of the campaign, and, later, the administration, on CNN. Sometimes the three of us would go on walks (Alex in his stroller, of course, and before Dad required a wheelchair) and everything appeared calm and... normal.

Then we would return to laundry, bills, dishes, dirty diapers, doctor appointments, and prescription refills, and the spell would be broken.

I could tell Sam all that, everything I've been through in the past three years, but I don't think I will. His life, his career, is going so well; I don't want to make him feel sorry for me, make him want to help somehow. It's not his fault.

I look down at Alex, who, after a two-hour bout of screaming, is sound asleep in his stroller. If only I could join him...

Really, it's not going to be that bad. At least, that's what I've spent the last five hours telling myself as I fretted over whether I should go, and then what I should wear. It may be a little awkward, especially with Alex, but we'll get over it and that will be that.

A security guard is currently guiding me to Sam's office. Normally, strollers aren't allowed in the White House, but this guy - Dave - is very nice. He informed me he has two kids of his own, and compassionately didn't make me abandon the stroller.

I try to take in the sights as I follow him through the network of hallways leading to our destination. I hadn't really paid attention to anything during my tour yesterday, but my mind isn't very focused now, either. I'll have to ask Sam about the White House and its history later tonight.

"So, how do you know Mr. Seaborn?" Dave asks as we round yet another corner. I sidestep a jogging intern before answering his question.

"Oh, I met him at the dentist," I reply. Dave nods at my casual response before coming to a stop in front of an office.

"This is Sam's office," He says, nodding his head towards the room to our left. "But Mr. Seaborn isn't there right now." With a slight wave of the hand he catches the attention of a smartly-dressed woman walking past. "Bonnie-"

The woman named Bonnie snatches up a ringing telephone, says "hello", then puts her hand over the receiver. "He's with Josh in the Roosevelt Room."

Dave thanks her as Bonnie continues with her phone call. He motions for me to follow him again. "Sorry about that, ma'am. The Roosevelt Room is right over here."

We stop in front of a closed door, and a blonde woman appears at our side. "Is there anything I can help you with?" She inquires cheerfully, looking at Dave. He nods and turns slightly to point at Alex and me.

"Yes, ma'am, Ms. Moss. This is Lisa Prescott. She's here for dinner with Mr. Seaborn."

Ms. Moss smiles at Dave before sizing me up. "Dave, I've told you a thousand times to call me Donna," She admonishes playfully. Dave shakes his head, smiling back. 

"No can do, ma'am."

Donna glances over at me, appearing friendly. "Well, at least I tried. Someday I will wear you down, Dave. In the meantime, I'll make sure Sam knows she's here. He'll just be a few more minutes with Josh."

With a smile and a wave, Dave is on his way back to his post. "Thank you," I call after him.

Donna disappears for a moment, then returns with two chairs dragging behind her. She places them against the wall and motions for me to sit.

"If you could wait here for just a minute, I'll go inform Sam that you're here." She departs with a smile, and I primly sit down in the chair. This morning I was cleaning dirty diapers, and now I'm sitting on White House property. Perhaps the day won't be all that bad.

I nervously tug at my skirt and check on Alex. Thankfully he is still sleeping, but I realize with a groan that since he's napping now I'll be up late with him tonight.

"Ms. Prescott?"

"Please, call me Lisa."

"Okay then. Lisa, it will be a few minutes. Do you mind if I stay here and keep you company?"

I didn't really think it was a question- more of a statement- but she presented it nicely enough. I nod and she takes a seat in the chair next to me. 

"Is that your son?" Her head is turned towards the stroller, but I can hear the envious longing hidden in her voice.

"Yeah, that's my Alex. He's two."

Donna nods, watching him sleep for a second. For some reason I get the feeling she already knew all that, but I don't really care.

She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant."

I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

She laughs and turns her eyes towards Alex. "Thank you. I enjoy my job, although I sometimes wish Josh would take a nap like him."

We share a chuckle before Donna starts to stand. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? We might have some tea around here, but I can't guarantee it."

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Those two could be awhile - they're having a "discussion"," Donna warns, using her fingers to give the word "discussion" quotation marks.

I tilt my head and look up at her thoughtfully. "In that case, I'll take a coffee. Black."

"Now you're the brave one," Donna jokes, heading off across the room to a small food-and-drink kiosk. 

I can tell I'm going to like this woman. 

She has a great sense of humor with some spirit to boot and isn't afraid to be around the boys. Plus, she voluntarily works for Josh Lyman everyday. She deserves a medal, or at least a CAT Scan.

When Donna comes back we spend the next twenty or so minutes talking. She's very passionate about her job and the people she works with, and has nothing but respect for Sam. That, and embarrassing stories.

"They actually asked you to bring them leaves?" I choke, wiping a tear from my eye. "Oh, that's classic."

"It gets better," She gushes, leaning forward conspiratorously. "The flue had been sealed shut, and the fire alarms went off."

Donna and I launch into another fit of giggles. Gratefully Alex is still asleep.

We calm down moments later, and Donna checks her watch.

"I don't know what's keeping Sam," She says apologetically. "Let me go pry the pen from his hand."

"Okay," I agree, sipping the last of the awful-tasting coffee. Donna informed me earlier that it's an acquired taste.

As the door closes behind her I'm reminded of my surroundings. Surprisingly the hallways aren't as bustling as I'd imagined, but I remember then that President Bartlet is in China. 

I'd been enjoying Donna's company so much that I'd almost forgotten about my date with Sam. Almost.

The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

TBC


	3. Interruptions

Title: Stay Anyway 3/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes found in Prologue

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

*****

You know that true love's hard to find

but it seems it's harder when true love divides

I wanna believe

that we can move on without the pain

and I wanna believe

that we can move on without the blame

-Believe, Julian Lennon

*****

"Between the ages of six and eighteen, approximately 75 to 90 percent of children have some kind of malocclusion," Josh announces matter-of-factly. I roll my eyes at him.

"Josh, I just told you that ten minutes ago. It's all in the file."

"I know, but I like saying 'malocclusion'."

I sigh as I sift through the mound of file folders on the table in the Roosevelt room. "Whatever you say. Can we speed this up, though?"

This time Josh rolls his eyes, and tosses me a sheet of paper. "Read this first, Mr. Deputy Communications Director."

I pick up the paper and lean back in my chair. Across from me, Josh's feet are propped up on the table, precariously close to the edge. He grabs for his cup of coffee and almost falls over in the process. I stifle a laugh while waving the paper in the air.

"What do you want me to do with this?"

"Do what you're paid to do," He informs me, taking a sip of his room-temperature coffee. "Make it sound better."

"Fine."

I snatch my legal pad from the edge of the table and takes notes as I skim the thing, then set to work fixing it. Before I know it Donna knocks on the door and walks in.

"Uh, Sam?" She asks sweetly. I'm in a groove and don't even look up.

"Hmm?"

"I just thought I'd tell you again that Lisa is here."

"What?!?" I jump to my feet, feeling foolish and guilty. "How long has she been waiting?"

Donna looks at her watch, over her shoulder, and then back at me. She answers as I'm shoveling folders and random papers into my briefcase. "Oh, about half an hour."

"Why didn't you tell him earlier?" Josh pipes up. Donna turns to glare at both of us.

"I did. Twice. But both of you were too busy talking to listen to me then, so I'm telling you again."

"Thanks, Donna," I call over my shoulder as I quickly stride out into the hallway. Donna pops her head out of the door before I can round the corner.

"Where are you going, Sam?" 

I wave my free hand at her dismissively. "I'm going to go see Lisa."

"Well, I think you're going the wrong way," A new voice calls out, and I stop in my tracks. I spin around and backtrack to the Roosevelt Room, where a smiling Lisa is standing next to a smirking Donna. I grin sheepishly as I approach them.

"Hi."

"Hi."

Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

"So... what do you feel like eating tonight?" I ask casually (at least I'm hoping), crossing my arms as we start walking down the hall. Lisa meets my eyes for a second before shyly turning away.

"Oh, whatever you want. I'm not fussy."

I frown slightly, shoving my hands into my pants pockets. "Well, we could go-"

"Sam!"

We both turn to see Josh jogging towards us.

"Sam! I'm glad I caught you."

I groan as my best friend joins my side. He motions back towards the Roosevelt Room.

"What do you want, Josh?" I ask resignedly.

"Kurtzweil is on the phone. She wants to talk with you about the proposal."

I look at Lisa before turning around to face Josh. "What?!? Why can't _you_ talk to her?"

His eyes drop down to the floor. I swear he's blushing. "Uh, you know..." He trails off, still staring at his feet.

I'm not letting him out of this that easily.

"I'm afraid I don't know, Joshua. Please enlighten me."

He's glaring daggers at me right now, but I don't care. I'm supposed to be having dinner with Lisa tonight, dammit.

Josh mumbles something unintelligible to my ears, and Lisa snickers quietly. Josh looks at me, eyes pleading.

"Sam..."

"----"

"Sam -"

"Fine."

Josh takes off towards the Roosevelt Room and I start to follow. I spin around and start walking backwards, hoping I don't trip. If I do, it doesn't really matter - Lisa already knows I'm a klutz.

"I'm so sorry, Lisa. I'd understand if you want to call it off, but hopefully it won't take too long."

"Go on, Sam. I'll wait."

"Thanks. I'm sooo sorry. I'll make it up to you - I promise!" I babble. I turn around and hurry into the room, taking the phone from Donna.

Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?


	4. Casual Conversations

Title: Stay Anyway 4/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers and other notes can be found in Prologue

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

*****

Who knows how long I've loved you

You know I love you still

Will I wait a lonely lifetime

If you want me to - I will

... Love you forever and forever

Love you with all my heart

Love you whenever we're together

Love you when we're apart

- I Will, The Beatles

*****

"DONNA!"

Josh's shout interrupts our conversation. I smile knowingly as Donna groans. "What?"

"Can you order some Chinese food?" Josh yells. Donna rolls her eyes.

"Josh, I already did. It should be here in five minutes. Do you want me to wait at the door?"

"Yes!"

"Fine," As she's leaving, Sam appears in the doorway, an apologetic look on his face.

"Lisa, I'm so sor-"

"Sam, it's okay," I interrupt. "Really, it is."

His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

"Really? That's great. This whole situation with H.R. 206 has been controlling our lives lately." He says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "I guess we're ordering some Chinese takeout. Would that be okay?"

I smile at him reassuringly, bouncing Alex on my lap. "That would be wonderful."

The motion catches Sam's attention, and something strange passes over his features. The look is gone before I can identify it, an odd smile now in its place.

"How's he doing?" Sam asks, tilting his head towards Alex on my lap.

"He's doing fine. Can you sit for a moment?" I pat the chair next to me.

"Sure," He nods and takes the seat next to me. Alex looks up from the Dr. Seuss book I'd been reading him and studies Sam curiously. Sam looks back at him, appearing just as curious.

He turns to face me. "He's reading already?"

I laugh slightly, turning the page for Alex. "No, he's not reading yet. He recognizes some words, though. And he knows this book by heart, so it might _seem_ like he's reading it."

Sam gently reaches out to close the book, trying to see the cover.

"'Green Eggs and Ham'?" He inquires, laughter in his voice. I shrug. 

"It's his favorite book. My father gave it to him for his first birthday."

Our eyes turn to Alex, who is opening the book again and eying Sam suspiciously. Sam makes a face at him and he breaks into laughter. They smile at each other, and my heart swells at the interaction. Ever since Alexander's birth, I've feared running into Sam. I feared that it would be awkward, and Sam would hold some sort of resentment for the boy. A weight has been lifted now that I know he hasn't judged Alex. I know it's asking too much to wish that he hadn't judged me.

"You wanna read to him?" I ask of Sam. He looks at me, surprised and... excited?

"I can?"

"Well, I'm assuming you still know how to read," I reply sarcastically, a smile on my face. "Although, you _are_ working in the White House."

Sam rolls his eyes as I hand over the chattering baby.

"Stawt hewa," Alex insists, pointing at a page in the book. Sam glances over at me before he starts reading.

"No one's ever too old for Dr. Seuss," A voice behind me comments dryly. My smile transforms into a smirk, and I stand to face the speaker.

"I suppose you're a leading expert on the subject," I quip, holding out my hand to Josh Lyman. He grins and shakes it.

"Nice to know you haven't changed, Lisa."

"Same with you, Josh."

We stare at each other for a moment before Donna comes to our rescue. "Dinner is served," She announces, heading down the hallway with an aromatic bag. Like a pack of hungry dogs, we all follow her, Sam carrying Alex as I push the empty stroller.

"So..." Josh says once Sam has placed Alex in my lap and we've all filled our plates and begun eating. "I'm sorry to have kept Sam here all night."

"Oh, it's okay," I assure, feeding Alex another spoonful of rice. "I didn't want to interrupt anything anyhow. I know how important politics is to Sam."

Sam and Josh share a look, and I berate myself internally. I didn't mean for it to come out that way.

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way," I apologize, wiping Alex's mouth before looking at Sam. "Really, I didn't."

"I know," Sam says. He seems distracted, and I resolve to keep my mouth shut.

"So, Lisa. What do you know about H.R. 206?" Josh asks conversationally, swallowing a mouthful of egg roll. I can tell by the gleam in his eyes that he's in one of his explaining moods. I'll show him.

"Oh, not much," I answer. So much for my resolution. "I know it involves increased funding for health care, focusing mainly on dental, nursing homes, and emergency procedures. There's going to be a vote in three weeks, and many politicians think the Republicans won't pass it because of the clause promoting dependency on the federal government for referrals and funds. I also know that 97.8% of dentists in the American Dental Association, despite partisanship, fully support the amendment, and some even think that it does not do enough to make dental care and payment easier for the lower classes. Other than that, I know nothing."

All eyes are on me, and I feel foolish, yet proud, of my rambling. Sam looks pleasantly surprised, and Josh appears... impressed. Wow. I never thought I'd see the day that I impressed Joshua Lyman.

"Are you a political junkie?" Donna inquires, waving her chopstick in the air. "It sounds like you'd fit right in here."

I smile appreciatively, but shake my head. "Nah, politics was never really my thing. I just happen to know a lot about it because we watch CNN and C-SPAN sometimes at work, and we've all been discussing the issue for weeks."

Donna nods and offers me the carton with the kung pao chicken. I graciously accept, avoiding both Josh and Sam's gazes.

Polite conversation ensues, with Josh and Donna handling the bulk of it. Sam is remaining silent for an eerily long amount of time, and I find myself discreetly staring at him. Ah, that blue shirt really brings out his eyes. And his hair - I like how it's slightly longer than he normally cut it. And -

Breathe in. Breathe out. Focus. No - not on him. Focus on the conversation. Uh oh - it's quiet now.

"Mommy," Alex speaks up, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled over the room. "I want my cookie."

"How do you ask?" I reply automatically.

"Pwease may I have my cookie?"

"Three more bites of rice first," I proclaim. Alex shakes his head, much to the amusement of our dinner companions.

"One more bite."

"Two."

"One and a haff," he concludes, crossing his arms over his chest. I grin and, momentarily forgetting where I am, lean over and tickle him.

"How can you have one and a half bites?" I demand playfully as Alex wiggles and giggles.

"Stop, stop!" He gasps, laughing as I continue to tickle. "Two bites."

I halt my attack and scoop up a spoonful of rice as Alex catches his breath. I realize with embarrassment that I'm still in the White House, and I'm still sitting in front of Josh, Donna, and Sam.

I turn to look at them, a blush rising to my pale cheeks. "Sorry. I guess I got a little carried away there."

All three are smiling at me, though, so I don't feel quite so horrible. 

"Don't apologize, Lisa," Donna advises me. 

"I just wish we could get the Republicans to compromise so quickly," Josh jokes.

I turn to Sam after feeding Alex the second bite and find him chewing his food thoughtfully. I wonder what's wrong with him. Why isn't he talking?

"May I have my cookie now?" Alex requests. I hand him the treat after warning him to chew carefully.

"So, Lisa, how's your job going?" Inquires Josh as he tries to ward off the silence.

"It's great, actually," I declare cheerfully. I inform him of my promotion as humbly as possible, but it's hard because for once I _am_ proud of myself. I haven't achieved much in this life, yet the small pleasure of knowing I'm appreciated at work and that I've accomplished at least one of my goals makes up for part of the overwhelming sense of failure.

"Congratulations," Josh says, a sincere smile on his face. He seems to have changed a lot. I realize guiltily that I've been misjudging people, too.

'Thank you, Josh." We smile at each other for a moment, then Josh turns away to request a file from Donna. 

"Josh, I'm eating," Donna states matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, that much I can see."

"Then why can't it wait a few minutes? Unless I'm mistaken, you and Sam are still eating, too."

A twinkle actually appears in Josh's eyes. "Yes, but while you're getting the file, Sam and I will finish, and then we'll be ready to work when you get back."

Donna rolls her eyes and stands. "I want a raise, Joshua," She demands.

Josh only shakes his head no.

"One day, Josh. One day," She warns, walking out the door. I watch as Josh's eyes follow her, lingering at the door. Hmm...

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"Have you and Donna ever dated?" I ask innocently. From talking to Donna earlier, I in fact know the answer, but something makes me ask anyway.

I relish in the wide array of emotions clearly visible on his face. Shock, anger, confusion, and ... regret?

"What?" He manages to choke out. He reaches for his glass of water and gulps down half of it.

"Have you two ever... you know, dated?"

Josh shakes his head so hard I fear it's going to fall off. "N-no, no no no. Nonono."

"Why not?" I ask, truly curious. I clean up Alex's face and place him into his stroller. The poor kid's yawning; I have to get back to the hotel soon.

"I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

I can see the familiar vein pop up on his forehead. He's exasperated. This should get interesting.

"You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

"It wouldn't -"

Just then, Donna walks back into the room. Josh shuts up immediately, clam-style. I make a pledge for Donna's sake to continue bugging Josh until he admits his feelings. If only he knew they were so obvious! The way he tries to hide the fact that he's staring at her, the look she gets on her face when she's near him, the vibe anyone else notices as soon as they enter a room. And, according to Donna, there's also some world-class bantering between them. What they have is love in its purest repressed form.

It sounds achingly familiar.

It's at this point that I notice the fortune from Alex's cookie. It's been in my hands for the past three or so minutes, but I haven't paid any attention to it yet. Now my stomach flip-flops as I read the cryptic message : "An old friend will change your life forever."

I'm not superstitious, but...

No. No way. I cannot live through that pain again - I'm not strong enough. Glancing over at Sam, I start to clean up my area of the table.

"I've got to get going," I announce as I stand to throw away the trash. "It's way past Alex's bedtime." 

Donna lets out a disappointed groan, and even Josh looks vaguely sad. Sam, however, refuses to meet my eyes. I guess that's for the best. 

I should never have come to the White House at all, especially not tonight.

"Thank you. I've had a wonderful time. It's good seeing you again, Josh, and it was great meeting you, Donna."

I know I'm probably being rude with my abrupt departure, but I don't care. I can't let myself get attached to him again, and certainly not now. Lord, what was I thinking? Having to move on to a life without him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do - why on Earth would I want to do it again?

All I hear is Alex's soft snores as I push the stroller through the silent hallway. Curious, I glance at my watch. It's already 10:14 pm.

I turn the corner and find myself in unfamiliar territory. I stop and close my eyes, taking a deep breath to calm down. It's not a big deal. I'll just turn around and retrace my steps.

So I maneuver the stroller around and freeze. Sam is standing right in front of me. His hands are hanging at his sides and his eyes are dark with intensity. We stare at each other for a moment before he swallows and starts talking.

"Lisa, I want... I want to apologize."

"Gee, Sam. You're doing an awful lot of that lately," I surprise myself with the unexpected acidity in my response. Sam is undeterred.

"Lisa, I'm so sorry. Really, I am. I'm sorry we didn't go out to eat tonight, I'm sorry I was thoughtless and preoccupied during dinner, and most of all I'm sorry about how we left things before."

My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it.

"Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

Damn him and his piercing blue eyes. Why can't I think straight when I look at him? I force myself to break his gaze and stare down at the stroller instead.

"Not now, Sam. I - I have to get Alex into bed."

He shifts slightly, but I refuse to look up. "There's a couch in Josh's office..." He trails off. While I stare at my son I silently curse the White House for having offices big enough for couches.

I sigh, steeling myself for the emotional hell I'm about to go through, and slowly raise my head. I meet Sam's eyes head-on, and there's another odd moment of silence -neither of us blinking, neither of us even breathing. Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

TBC

(For those of you who are wondering where Ainsley is, don't worry - she'll be factoring into the story in a major way really soon. J Be patient.)


	5. Peachy-keen

Title: Stay Anyway 5/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers and other notes can be found in Prologue

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

*****

You have no right

to ask me how I feel

You have no right

to speak to me so kind

-Separate Lives, Phil Collins

*****

"I'll just, uh... I'll be in the Roosevelt Room when you're ready," I proclaim, carefully hiding the shakiness in my voice. Lisa nods and pushes Alex inside the office. "Do you know how to get there?"

She turns to look at me and nods again. "Yeah, I remember now."

"Okay," I say. Lisa closes the door so that it is only open a crack. I stand in the hallway for a few minutes, trying not to feel like a spectator in my life. I swear, when I get close to her it's like someone else is controlling me. I'm still not ruling out voodoo dolls.

As I'm contemplating witchcraft, a gentle voice floats into the hallway. It's Lisa singing Alex back to sleep. I lean against the wall next to Josh's door and listen as her melodious voice slowly grows in volume.

"Let it Be" has always been a good song, but standing in the hallway listening to Lisa as she sings it is giving me chills. I'd forgotten how sweet her voice sounded. Then again, I'd forgotten lots of things about her.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be."

I cross my arms in front of me and yawn, feeling surprisingly relaxed. If I stay here for the chorus I'm certain I'll fall asleep.

Reluctantly, I walk back to the Roosevelt Room and sink into the seat next to Josh. I don't even realize what I'm doing until they both stop talking and stare at me.

"Are you humming, Sam?" Josh asks, a satisfied smirk on his face. I stop abruptly, coughing in hopes of covering it up.

No luck. 

"What song was that?" Donna wants to know. She is smiling encouragingly, so I have the feeling she won't poke fun at me. Josh, on the other hand...

"'Let it Be'," Josh replies automatically. He turns to face Donna, his voice high with shock. "You don't know 'Let it Be' when you hear it?"

"Should I?"

Josh and I look at each other and shake our heads simultaneously.

"It's the Beatles, Donna. The greatest band ever!"

"Oh, yeah. Those are the guys who sang 'Hey Dude'."

Josh shouts at her in exasperation. "Hey Dude?! Hey _Dude_!? How could you even think that the -"

Donna sighs and rolls her eyes. "Josh, I'm joking." She flashes a grin at him before turning to me. "But, really, Sam - why were you humming 'Let it Be'?"

I feel a blush rising to my cheeks. "Lisa was singing it to Alex," I mumble, dipping my head.

Donna releases a quiet "aww" and I can feel Josh's teasing glance as I study the red carpet beneath my shoes. God, I feel like a teenager again.

"It was nice seeing her," Josh announces regally after a moment of silence. I look up in surprise and find him lounging in his chair, arms crossed behind his head.

"Yeah," I agree, eyeing him suspiciously. It's not like Josh to be subtle.

"The kid is cute, too."

"Yes, he is."

Josh shares a look with Donna, and I get the sense that an entire wordless conversation has just taken place. Donna slips into the chair on the other side of him as he opens his mouth to continue.

"You were a little preoccupied tonight," Josh declares after a brief moment of silence. I shake my head slightly, studying the pair. 

"I've got a lot on my mind," I defend weakly.

"Still, Sam, it was borderline rude to ignore your dinner guest," Donna pipes up.

"I wasn't ignoring her," I contend quietly. Why can't they mind their own business? "I was just thinking."

"That's a first," My best friend comments dryly. Donna elbows him in the rib cage and he coughs, glaring at her before looking back at me. "I mean, what were you thinking about?"

"Oh, you know… stuff," I offer, silently willing Josh to drop it. Yeah, right, this is Josh Lyman - he drops nothing. He shifts in his seat, appearing vaguely uncomfortable.

"Listen, Sam, I... Do you still love her?"

Something in the question, something in his tone enrages me. What right does he have to pry into my personal life? I never ask him about Mandy, or Joey, or Donna unless he instigates the conversation, and even then he isn't very forthcoming with information. And Donna, too. Josh complains about the gomers she dates, but _I_ never stick my nose into her private life. I respect their desire for privacy - why can't they respect mine?

I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures. Now, if there's nothing else, I'm going home and going to sleep because I. Am. Tired."

I stand there for an extraordinarily long and uncomfortable moment, then storm out of the room and head to my dark office, but not before seeing the stunned shock on both Josh and Donna's faces. I collapse into my chair and bury my head in my hands, mentally commanding my pulse to slow down. 

What the hell was that? I suppose the whole tirade has been bottled up for far too long, but I never expected it to come out, especially not like this. All they wanted to know was how the re-appearance of my ex-fiancee into my life was affecting me; I guess they got their answer. 

It's affecting me a lot more than I would have imagined. I figured three long, work-filled years would be more than enough time to move on, I figured that because I had gotten so good at not thinking about Lisa, I no longer had any feelings for her at all. But after the shock and anxiety of seeing her yesterday had worn off, I realized that wasn't true. If only I could identify what exactly those feelings were...

I spent all of dinner debating with myself, wondering if the attraction was just residual or if I was experiencing something real. And Alex - I created a hundred different scenarios pertaining to his existence: Lisa was drugged and raped and didn't get an abortion, she had an abusive boyfriend who insisted she have the child, she was lonely and adopted him, her best friend died in a car crash and left the baby to her, she had to be a surrogate mother for her boss but then her boss changed her mind and Lisa kept Alex, she found him on a church doorstep one rainy night. I even contemplated a bizarre kidnapping scheme organized to make me jealous. In the end I chose to believe her story, and was left to analyze my relationship with the child.

I'm slightly ashamed to admit it, but I do feel jealous. Jealous, and strangely guilty, as if my leaving was directly related to Alex's birth and the beginning of a downward spiral in Lisa's life, which, in a sense, it was. There are some other feelings, too. When I first saw him with Lisa I felt a pang in my heart. Mostly it was because I thought someone else had had the chance to make her happy, to have a beautiful family with her, a family that could have been mine. I've always wanted children, but I decided a family would come later, after the administration and after the ever-important role of wife was cast. I suppose it's pathetic to admit it, but a small, illogical part of me was always hoping that Lisa and I could pick up where we left off after Bartlet served his eight years. Of course, I started to accept reality after years went by without a single conversation between us.

"Hey," a gentle voice interrupts my inner monologue. I groan and don't move. The last thing I want to do right now is apologize to them.

"Sam? You okay?"

Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

"I'm peachy-keen," I mumble into my desk. Maybe she'll get the hint and go away.

"I haven't heard that one in a while," She chuckles nervously. These people are the worst subtext readers in the world.

I weigh my options in the ensuing silence. I could a) go with sarcasm: "Well, obviously not," b) try self-deprecation: "Of course not. I'm the only idiot that still uses that phrase," c) use charming humor: "It's my job to make sure excellent phrases like "peachy keen" remain in the vernacular," d) ignore her, or e) yell at her to go away. Hmm...

Screw the choices; I'm starting a new topic.

"Did they tell you what happened?" I ask, still covering my face. I hear the rustle of fabric as Lisa takes a few steps closer.

"They didn't have to - I heard it from Josh's office."

I look up at this, alarmed. Had I really yelled that loudly? I try to do some quick calculations to see just how many people would have still been working here to hear me.

"I'm kidding, Sam. I talked to Donna."

I scowl at her and lower my head on top of my desk. I begin to bang it against the wood, starting slowly and softly but gaining in speed and sound. Thump. Thump. THump. THUMP. THUMP! 

"Sam! Stop it!" Lisa demands firmly. I halt immediately and rub my forehead. Yes, I, Samuel Seaborn, am an idiot. An idiot with a bumpy head.

"Feel better?" She asks with a smirk. Despite the situation I find myself smiling into my desk. I slowly lift my head and peer up at her from behind a stray lock of hair. Wow, it's gotten long. I need to schedule in a haircut soon.

"A little."

She nods and primly sits down in a chair across from me. "You look tired."

I can barely find the energy to meet her eyes, but I manage it, propping my head up with my arm.

"That's probably because I am."

I watch in fascination as her countenance changes. "How much sleep have you been getting lately?" She makes no attempt to hide the mother-like quality of her voice.

A short, harsh laugh escapes my lips, surprising her as much as me. "Sleep? I've forgotten that word."

Lisa tilts her head to the side, and I can see a sadness in her green eyes. "Sam, Sam, Sam..."

Our eyes lock across the desk and she trails off. An infinite moment comes and goes as we stare at each other, the beating of my heart the only sound I hear. After a while my mind becomes cloudy, and I shake my head to clear it. As soon as I move, she sighs.

"I suppose we should have that talk now."

The change of subject catches me off guard. It takes me a moment to reply, and I watch her face carefully as I speak.

"I suppose."

We both shift in our seats, unwilling to be the first to broach the topic. I take a breath.

"Maybe this isn't the best time."

"Maybe."

We lapse into another uncomfortable silence, avoiding each other's gaze. 

"Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

The question echoes in my head, and I find myself wishing I was able to answer it.

TBC


	6. So this guy walks into a dentist office....

Title: Stay Anyway 6/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers and other notes can be found in Prologue

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

*****

"Love at first sight  
I know that this can't be happening  
No, not to someone like me  
Love at first sight  
So rare, and so exciting  
I only hope this love we found can last."

- Love at First Sight, Dennis DeYoung

*****

"What song is this?" Helen inquires, tapping furiously on her keyboard. I flip the file folder I'm reading shut, listening intently to the faint music.

"All I can tell is that it's elevator music," I conclude, plopping down in Joy's swivel chair. Joy, the other receptionist at Durham Family Dentistry, has called in sick today, along with my colleague, Dr. Bruce Burrows. My assistant, Debbie Thomson, is on her lunch break, due back in forty-five minutes. Poor Helen and I are all alone. It's only eleven-seventeen in the morning, but it feels more like five thirty at night. At least now there's a lull in the onslaught of patients.

"This is going to bug me until I figure it out," I announce to Helen. She's still typing away at the computer. I jump to my feet and head towards the rows of filing cabinets in the back of the office, trying unsuccessfully to hum along with the stereo.

"It's been bugging me all morning," Helen complained. "I don't know what CD Debbie put in, and I don't recognize any of the songs."

The phone rings, ending our conversation. "Durham Family Dentistry. This is Helen speaking. How can I help you this morning?"

I smile at her familiar cheery spiel, placing the file folder in the appropriate slot and grabbing another. 

Someone clears their throat behind me and I jump, spilling all of the multi-colored papers on the floor. My face flushes bright red as the unidentified person laughs quietly. I bend down, keeping my back facing the person as I gather the mess into a pile.

"Can I help you?" I ask coldly, spinning around to face whoever it is. My heart stops and I swear my eyes bug out. This man is gorgeous.

"Yes. Sorry about that," He apologizes, shooting me a friendly smile. "It's just - it looked like something _I _ would do. In fact, I'm sure I've done that many times before."

I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but...

"Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has. 

"Yes, yes. Right this way, Mr. Seaborn," I say, straightening the papers sticking out of the file in my hands and motioning him down the hallway. "Right this way."

I lead him to the third room and tell him to have a seat. He complies as I place the folder on the counter and survey my instruments. I flip his file open and scan the information, silently willing my heart to slow down.

"Okay, Mr. Seaborn. You better get comfortable because you're going to be here for a while," I proclaim, opening the cabinets to pull out a paper bib and a pair of gloves.

"How long is 'a while'?" He asks, a tinge of nervousness in his voice. Poor guy.

"Well, from a professional point of view, it's only an hour or so. From what I've been told, it seems longer if you're a patient."

"From what you've been told?" He asks as I approach him with the bib. 

"Yeah. I've never had a cavity myself," I inform him, slipping the cord around his head. He leans forward slightly so I can clasp it, and my stomach flutters.

"You've never had a cavity?!?" From the tone of his voice, I take it he's surprised.

"Nope. Never. I'm a nut for dental hygiene. You know, your teeth are the best friends you've got; you take care of them, they'll take care of you."

I cringe at the stupidity of my statement, but thankfully he doesn't seem to mind. I busy myself with putting on my mask and preparing the shot of Novocain, hoping he'll change the subject.

"I've never thought of it that way," He says politely. I still feel like an idiot.

I sit down on my stool and wheel around to face him. "Anyway, you've got three cavities. One of them is on the top of your left side, one is on the top on your right, and the last one is way in the back on the bottom right. Now, I could do them all at once, but your entire mouth would have to be numbed. Or, if you want, we could do one side today, and you can make another appointment… What will it be, Mr. Seaborn?"

"Sam."

"Hmm?"

"Call me Sam."

"Oh -okay."

"How about we do it all today? I've already called taken the day off of work."

"All right," I say, wheeling myself back over to his chart. "Three it is." I adjust the light and pick up a cotton swab. "I'm just going to rub this on so the shot doesn't hurt so much," I explain.

"Do you work with children a lot?" He asks when I finish.

"Well, this _is_ Durham Family Dentistry, so yes," I respond with a smile, picking up the syringe of Novocain. "Why do you ask?"

"You just have a very good chairside manner, that's all."

I dip my head so he can't see me blushing. "Okay, this may sting a little bit, but it won't last long," I warn, injecting his gums. He grunts softly.

"Now we wait," I announce, cleaning up the supplies I've used. "It should start feeling numb in about ten minutes."

Sam nods and shifts in the chair so he can see me.

"You guys seem a little short-handed today," He observes congenially, watching as I slip on my mask.

"Yup, the other dentist and assistant called in sick, and my assistant is out to lunch."

"Ah. Sorry to hear that."

"Me, too. It's been a hectic morning." I pause, feeling a strong desire to find out more about this handsome man with three cavities. I'm not sure if this is quite ethical, but I can't help myself. "So... I read in your insurance information you work for Dewey & Ballantine. Are you a lawyer?"

"Yeah," An odd emotion passes over his face, but I can't identify it. 

My eyebrows furrow in curiosity. "You don't like it?"

He looks surprised at my assessment. "No, it's not that, really. It's... it's just not what I thought it would be. You know?"

"I can empathize. Somehow dentistry doesn't hold the glory I thought it would."

He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

"It feels tingly now," He confesses after a few more minutes of smalltalk, lightly rubbing his jaw. 

"That's good. That means it's working," Why do I suddenly sound like my mother? "Now open wide."

He does, and I set right to work, ignoring the impure thoughts that pop up when his tongue inadvertently touches my hand. Sadly, it's been a while since I've had a boyfriend.

After a long bout of silence he vocalizes something that sounds like "Who-he-men-rip-sodey."

I stop and stare down at the man in confusion. His mouth is wide open, and I have placed various dental instruments inside. Even after years of experience with open-mouthed conversations I can't understand a word he's saying.

"What?"

"Who-he-me-in-rip-sodey," He repeats, speaking slower in the hopes that I'll understand him. Yeah, right.

"Who-he-me-in-rip-sodey?" I question, checking on his filling. He shakes his head as well as he can with my fingers in his mouth.

"Unh uh," He croaks.

"Hang on," I tell him, tightening the brace and leaning back. "I'll get you some paper and a pen."

I scoot across the room on my stool and snatch a pad and pen, then scoot back to his side to hand them over. He uncaps the pen and scribbles away, allowing me to observe how funny it looks when a person writes with his mouth wide open.

"Who. He. Me. In. Rip. Sodey." He declares, thrusting the notepad in my hands. I look down and read it.

"Ahh!" I remark, still confused. He motions for the pad again and I comply. He adds something and hands it back, tapping it emphatically.

"The song on the radio when I got here," I read, finally comprehending it. "Ohh! Bohemian Rhapsody! I get it!"

Sam sits back, triumphant. "Who-he-me-in-rip-sodey."

I nod and wipe the drool from his mouth. Somehow he manages not to lose his dignity at the action. Not many people can do that.

"Thank you," I say quietly, staring into his oh-so-blue eyes. They remind me of the ocean. "Helen will be very pleased. You may have just saved her sanity. Mine, too."

We sit there, looking at each other, for a delightfully long moment, then there's a knock at the door. It's Debbie, back from lunch.

"Looks like our bonding time is over," I whisper as I stand to greet my friend and co-worker. I note happily that Sam's trying to smile.

Not long after that, all three of his cavities are set. Debbie heads to the room across the hall to prep our next patient, and I lead Sam to Helen's desk.

"If you have any problems, questions, or concerns, just give us a call," I conclude, filling out the rest of a form in his folder. 

He hands Helen a check and waits patiently while she prints him a receipt. After he carefully folds it in four and secures it in his wallet, he takes a step towards me.

"Ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?" He asks shyly, running a hand through his hair. I look up from my paperwork, surprised.

"Pardon?"

"I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'"

I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently.

"Y-yes. Yes, I am."

"Gweat." He attempts a smile and fails, his muscles too doped up on the drug to respond. The endeavor looks hilariously funny, but I suppress my laughter.

"Oh," I exclaim suddenly, reaching down on the desk for a post-it note. "Here's my number. Give me a call when the Novocain wears off."

I jot down my phone number and rip off the sticky note. As I hand him the note we brush fingers, and I feel a shiver run up and down my spine.

"Gweat," His eyes twinkle and he spins around, humming Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' as he walks out of the door. I can't help smiling after him.

Helen points at him victoriously. "That's it! That's the song!"

I nod dumbly, still smiling. "Yeah. Queen. 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'"

"I _knew_ it," She mutters, then jumps to her feet to give me a congratulatory hug. 

"He's adorable. Absolutely yummy."

"Oh yeah." My throat feels a tad dry. I sink into Joy's chair as Helen returns to her computer. A new song is playing, and I recognize it immediately: The Beatles' 'With a Little Help From my Friends'.

I shake my head to gather my thoughts, and softly sing to myself as I head to see my next patient.

TBC


	7. Secrets and Pancakes

Title: Stay Anyway 7/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

*****

"Within you I lose myself 

Without you I find myself 

Wanting to be lost again."

-Unknown

*****

"I think she's starting to suspect something," I whisper into the phone, leaning back to see if Lisa is home yet. It doesn't look like it. "I don't want her to find out, but if she asks, I don't think I can lie to her."

"It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists.

"No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"

There's a shuffle of papers on the other end, and I hear Josh's muffled voice speaking to a man.

"Sorry about that, Sam. I'm still working, you know."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm so upset that _I_ don't get to work on Sundays like you do."

"Trust me, you don't know what you're missing," I can hear the smile in his voice.

"Okay -what was your hotel number again?" I grab a pencil and jot down the information he gives me on the nightstand notepad. As I put the pencil back down I hear the door close, making me jump. "Lisa's home. I gotta go."

"Sam?" Lisa calls out. I hear her approaching our room. 

"In the bedroom, honey!" I yell back. "Josh, I'll talk to you later. Give me a call when you arrive."

"Okay. Bye."

I hang up and rip off the sheet just in time. Lisa enters our room and tosses her purse on a chair.

"Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

"How was your morning?" I wrap my arms around her and she sighs, leaning into my embrace.

"Well, I managed to fix poor Mr. Wyder's botched root canal in under three hours," She looks exhausted. Perhaps that's because she was called into work at six thirty.

I move around behind her and rub her shoulders as she describes the dental emergency that woke both of us up early.

"At least Dr. Anderson will be back from vacation tomorrow," She concludes, leaning her head back to look up at me. I kiss the tip of her nose and she smiles.

"Want me to make breakfast?" I offer. Her smile grows wider and her eyes dance mischievously.

"I don't know. You and an open flame?"

I make a face and she laughs. Ah, how I love her laugh.

"Pancakes would be great." 

I nod and lean down to kiss her. "Chocolate or blueberry?"

"Hmm... chocolate sounds heavenly."

"All right," I reluctantly break our embrace. "Chocolate pancakes it is."

I hear the creaking of the mattress springs as I leave and surmise that Lisa's going to take a nap. Good. That will give me time to make a few more phone calls.

She's going to love her surprise party.

TBC


	8. Towelman

Title: Stay Anyway 8/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Author's Note: Okay, since part 7 is so short, here's a holiday gift to you all – 2 parts in one week. And, just to wipe away any confusion, parts 6, 7, 8, 9, and 10 are flashbacks.

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

Part 7…

… "It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists. "No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"

… "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

… She's going to love her surprise party.

*****

"The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make heaven of Hell, and a hell of Heaven."

-John Milton

*****

I'm not a jealous person. Honestly. Deep down, I am extraordinarily trusting and non-jealous. I believe that a person is innocent until proven guilty, and I try to rationalize suspicious behavior instead of jumping to conclusions. In the case of Sam's odd actions over the past few days, I've reached a verdict.

Sam is having an affair.

I know - ridiculous, isn't it? Really, I don't know what's wrong with me. He would never do something like that. And I _trust_ him. I really do.

So why does my mind torment me so? If I _know_ that Sam is faithful, then why does my stupid, annoying, doubtful brain keep pointing out clues?

Like, for instance, the receipt I found on the floor by the closet. It was for some items from a lingerie store in lower Manhattan. I tried not jumping to conclusions, but my birthday isn't for another three months, and our anniversary was two months ago. He didn't give me any lingerie for our anniversary, and he's not one to plan that far in advance.

Normally, I'd just forget about it and move on with my life, but lately... Sam's been acting very withdrawn. Secretive, even. It's beginning to worry me.

And then today, right now, when I walked in the room - what was on that paper that he so quickly folded and hid? My curiosity won't let me dismiss it.

I plop on the bed as Sam heads to the kitchen and study the nightstand. The pencil is next to the notepad, calling out to me. I lay on my back and squeeze my eyes shut. I trust Sam, I really do. What he wrote on the pad is none of my business. It doesn't bother me at all. I have absolutely no right, no need, no desire to know what it says.

I sit up very quickly and eye the pad again. Oh, but don't I have _some_ right? I love him so much... it would kill me if he didn't really love me the same way.

With a soul-weary sigh, I take the pencil in my hand and gently rub the surface of the pad, coloring lightly. The marks he made on the other sheet slowly begin to show.

I feel physically sick.

8th Ave. and 51st St. Howard Johnson. Room 206. Thurs. 7:30 pm. 

No... it couldn't be. He wouldn't...

I wish I hadn't looked.

*****

Oh my God.

I am not doing this. I am NOT doing this. There is no way on Earth that I'm standing in front of Room 206 at the 8th Avenue and 51st Street Howard Johnson, contemplating raising my hand to knock.

I am certifiable.

It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?

Nothing. That's the answer. I can no longer properly use my cognitive abilities. I'm not thinking, plain and simple.

I watch in horror as my right hand, moving on its own accord, raises itself and knocks on the door. 

There's still time to run. Why won't my legs work?

Before I can digest what's happening, the door swings open, and I'm suddenly facing a towel-clad man with dripping dark red hair.

"Can I help you?"

I'm standing in the hallway, immobile. I'm sure my jaw is hanging open. My mind races, frantically trying to analyze these latest developments, but, realizing it cannot, shuts down. An eternity passes while I'm staring at this man's bare chest.

Sam's having an affair with a man?

No.

I mean, that can't be right... can it? There has to be a more logical explanation, a reasonable conclusion to this mess I've made.

"Are you okay?" The man asks, wiping a drop of water off his forehead. The action breaks the spell, and I can move again.

"Is this room 206?" I croak. I feel dizzy.

"Yes," He says slowly, looking me up and down.

"Oh boy," I mutter. I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it.

"Would you like to come in?" He asks worriedly, apparently noticing my swaying. His voice sounds funny. I suddenly remember that I haven't really eaten all day.

'Please don't faint, please don't faint,' I murmur under my breath.

Despite my pleas, the world turns red, then black. I think I've fainted.

*****

Okay. It was only a dream. Thank Heavens.

I feel much better now. Really. I should have known I would never have done anything like that while conscious. It's only a bizarre dream.

"Ma'am? Ma'am?"

Dammit. A dream that came true.

I open my eyes and groan as the rays of bright light assail me. If only I had a time machine...

Towelman helps me sit up. I realize sheepishly that I fainted on his floor... wearing a skirt. Real classy. My cheeks flush scarlet, and I curse my alabaster skin.

"I- I am sooo sorry," I manage to sputter. His concern instantly switches to an amused smirk.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" I can tell he's trying not to laugh. Under any other circumstances I'd be in hysterics, but this is dangerously unfunny.

Towelman offers me a hand, and I graciously accept it, letting the mysterious stranger pull me to my feet. He leads me to the nearest chair and crosses his arms in front of himself, staring at me. I can't identify the look in his eyes, but part of it is amusement and part of it is worry. Slowly, I sit.

"Can I help you?" He repeats.

I clap my hands together, trying to both gather my thoughts and stall for time. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working too well.

"I know this is going to sound outrageous," I start, heavily weighing my words. His eyebrows raise, and I have to cough to clear the lump in my throat. I might as well keep going. "Do you know Sam Seaborn?"

As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret them. I find myself emphasizing with the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz- if I only had a brain...

His eyes open wide and my stomach lurches. Someone tell me this isn't happening.

"Yes, I do. May I ask who you are?"

"Oh, just a friend," I answer quickly, leaping to my feet. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

I don't look back as I race out of the door, but I sense that his eyes are on me. I don't stop jogging until I'm safely a block away from the hotel.

I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.

TBC


	9. Sam vs. The Wall

Title: Stay Anyway 9/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Author's Note: Josh & Donna goodness and Ainsley are coming up in a few parts.

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

Part 7…

… "It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists. "No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"

… "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

… She's going to love her surprise party.

Part 8…

… So why does my mind torment me so? If I _know_ that Sam is faithful, then why does my stupid, annoying, doubtful brain keep pointing out clues?

… It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?

… Sam's having an affair with a man?

… I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.

*****

"Relationships--of all kinds--are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost."

-Kaleel Jamison

*****

"Did you enjoy the movie?" I ask, taking out the keys to the apartment.

"It was all right," Lisa decides as I jingle the keys loudly. That's their cue.

"That's good," I say before swinging open the door.

"SURPRISE!"

I watch happily as Lisa's emotions play out openly on her face. Surprise, temporary confusion, understanding, happiness. Now she's laughing and hugging me.

"Sam, how - why- when? My birthday isn't for another three months!"

"That's the surprise!" I declare cheerfully. I must say- I'm pretty proud of myself. I lean down and kiss her forehead, spinning her around to face her guests. "You really didn't suspect anything?"

I can't tell if she heard me with all the noise and confusion, so I circle around and stand in front of her. "You really didn't suspect anything?"

The blood drains from her face and she freezes, staring at something just beyond my right shoulder. I hope she's not sick.

"Are you okay, honey?" I inquire, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. She jumps a mile at my touch.

Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.

"Oh!" I exclaim, smacking my head. "Lisa, this is Josh Lyman, my best friend and planner-in-crime. He helped me set everything up. Josh, this is Lisa Prescott."

I notice the odd looks on both their faces as they slowly shake hands. Now I'm utterly confused.

"Have you guys met before?"

Both jerk their heads to look at me, then back at each other.

"Uh..."

"You could say that."

"N-no. I wouldn't say that."

Suddenly, Mr. Prescott appears by our side to hug his daughter.

"Lisa! I'm so glad to see you. Come in the kitchen; Mom's been looking for you."

I watch as Lisa's led away. When she begins talking to her mom, I turn around to face Josh.

He's gone.

"Josh?" I appeal to the room, scanning the heads for his familiar reddish-brown hair. I look just in time to see the front door closing. Without hesitation, I find myself jogging past party-goers to the door. The hallway is dim and empty, but I can hear his footsteps echoing around the corner.

"Josh!" I yell, hurrying towards the sound. I round the corner and come face-to-face with my best friend. He refuses to meet my eyes.

"Josh!" I exclaim, exasperated. He flinches but still stares at his feet.

"Hiya, Sam," He mumbles. I roll my eyes.

"Josh, where are you going?"

"Home... well, the hotel."

"But... why? Josh, what - what the - what happened in there?"

"I just, uh, I thought it best if I left."

"Why?"

He shakes his head almost imperceptibly. I cross my arms over my chest and clear my throat. "Have you two met before?"

"...Maybe..."

"Maybe?" My voice squeaks. "When?"

"Nevermind."

"Nevermind?!? Joshua Lyman, what is going on here?"

He waits a beat, then looks up, still unwilling to meet my eyes. "Why don't you ask Lisa?" He says quietly. Somehow his words sting more than his delivery.

I take a breath, trying to calm my nerves. Why is my heart racing? Why am I feeling so... angry? So... jealous? I have no reason to be.

"I'm not asking Lisa right now; I'm asking you."

Josh takes a step backwards, as surprised as I am by the venomous quality of my voice. He swallows loudly and finally meets my eyes.

"Ask. Lisa."

"No, dammit," I start to pace the width of the hallway, trying to collect my thoughts. "I - I want - I..." I stop and spin around to face him, finger pointing at his chest. I have to know. "Did you two..." I swallow the lump in my throat. "Did you sleep together?"

"What?!?"

"Did you?" I growl. I'm beginning to scare myself.

"Sam-"

I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.

There's actual fear in Josh's eyes.

"Don't lie to me, Josh."

"I'm not," He defends. Gradually the fear dissipates; anger in its place. He tries to pull away, but I don't allow it.

"Tell me the truth."

We lock eyes for a moment before he yanks himself free of my grasp. His eyes never leave mine.

"Sam, you are losing your mind."

With that, he turns and continues down the hallway. I stand still, watching as he waits for the elevator. 

"Did you?" I call out, cringing at the desperate, heartsick tone of my plea.

Josh doesn't turn around. The elevator dings, and the doors slide open. He waits a moment before stepping in and slowly turning around.

"We didn't sleep together, Sam."

I watch the doors slide shut and sigh. Then I spin around and punch the wall as hard as I can with my fist.

TBC


	10. Bathroom Confessions

Title: Stay Anyway 10/?  
  
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)  
  
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1  
  
Previously, in Stay Anyway.  
  
Part 1.  
  
. Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.  
  
. The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.  
  
. Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You  
  
were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can  
  
say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."  
  
Part 2.  
  
. I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.  
  
. She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."  
  
. The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.  
  
Part 3.  
  
. Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.  
  
. Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?  
  
Part 4.  
  
. His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.  
  
. "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."  
  
. "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.  
  
. My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."  
  
. Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.  
  
Part 5.  
  
. I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.  
  
. Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.  
  
. "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"  
  
Part 6.  
  
. I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.  
  
. He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?  
  
. "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."  
  
Part 7.  
  
. "It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists. "No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"  
  
. "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.  
  
. She's going to love her surprise party.  
  
Part 8.  
  
. So why does my mind torment me so? If I _know_ that Sam is faithful, then why does my stupid, annoying, doubtful brain keep pointing out clues?  
  
. It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?  
  
. Sam's having an affair with a man?  
  
. I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.  
  
Part 9.  
  
. Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.  
  
. I take a breath, trying to calm my nerves. Why is my heart racing? Why am I feeling so... angry? So... jealous? I have no reason to be.  
  
. I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.  
  
. I watch the doors slide shut and sigh. Then I spin around and punch the wall as hard as I can with my fist.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
Who's got my back now?  
  
When all we have left is deceptive  
  
So disconnected  
  
So what is the truth now?  
  
- Who's Got my Back Now?, Creed  
  
*****  
  
"-and Betty says 'hi.' I told Mrs. Pratt that you were-"  
  
I blink and my mother's words fade away. The entire room is dead silent.  
  
At least, it is to me.  
  
I sense his entrance before I see him. Sam catches my eye from across the apartment. He looks different. His shoulders are hunched and he looks - his hand is bleeding!  
  
"Excuse me," I tell my mom distractedly, hurrying over to his side.  
  
"Sam? Are you okay?" My words startle him, and it takes a minute for him to respond.  
  
"I had an encounter with a wall," He answers distantly, cradling his wounded hand.  
  
"Did the wall win?" I inquire, trying to keep the mood light. I can tell something's bothering him, and I have a pretty good idea what it is. "C'mon in the bathroom - I'll fix it up."  
  
He nods dazedly and follows me down the hallway. I notice that everyone is staring at us and the music has stopped.  
  
"This is a party," I announce, before disappearing into the bathroom. "Turn up the music!" As I shut the door I can hear Jim Morrison blasting once again.  
  
In the bathroom, Sam seems to be regaining his senses.  
  
"Ow!" He yelps when I run his hand under the faucet.  
  
"Sorry," I reach into the medicine cabinet and rummage around for the bottle of hydrogen peroxide. He hisses quietly when the cool liquid hits the open cut and starts to bubble.  
  
I take a deep breath and look at him in the mirror. "I'm so sorry, Sam. I should have told you. The truth of the matter is - well, I simply felt like an insecure idiot."  
  
He turns around with his good hand and tilts my chin up with a little more force than is necessary.  
  
"What are you talking about?" His voice is eerily calm. I take a mini-step backwards and re-open the medicine cabinet, searching for gauze.  
  
"Didn't Josh tell you?"  
  
"Tell me what?"  
  
"Sam..." I sigh, trailing off. If Josh didn't tell him about the hotel, then why was Sam bleeding? Sam's never been the aggressive type. What exactly _did_ he tell him?  
  
"What happened in the hallway?"  
  
"What happened with Josh?"  
  
I turn around and start unraveling the roll of gauze, gently wrapping it around his wound. "I met him Thursday... at the hotel."  
  
"What?" Sam's question is so quiet I'm not sure he even spoke it. I look up at him and my heart stops when I see the hurt anger flashing in his blue eyes. What did he think we-  
  
"Sam, no! It's not what you think -"  
  
"Did you kiss him?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Did you sleep together?"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"So then you just saw him naked?"  
  
"What?" The blunt and unexpected nature of his question catches me off guard. "No, he wasn't ... well, he _was_ wearing a towel." Idiot, idiot, idiot.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"He had taken a shower," I defend meekly. "But, Sam, I swear it's not what you think."  
  
He collapses on the toilet seat, the gauze still connected to the roll in my hands. "I don't even know what to think, Lisa... your face... You should have seen your face when you saw him. I thought... I was afraid I'd lost you."  
  
"Me, too," I say softly. "I... I hate myself for it. I really do. Sunday, when you wrote down his hotel information next to the bed, I... I colored it in with a pencil so I could see the address."  
  
He looks shocked at my revelation, but I continue before he can interrupt. "I thought you were cheating on me. I mean, I had found the receipt for some lingerie, and you were making all these quiet phone calls... I trust you, Sam. I do. I don't know what made me go there."  
  
"You went there to confront him?" Despite the serious look on his face, there is hope in his voice.  
  
I nod and look at the floor. Please let him understand. Please let him be understanding and forgiving.  
  
"Sam, I - I don't know what I was thinking. It kills me to know I doubted you enough to do it."  
  
"What happened when he opened the door? What did Josh say?"  
  
"He, uh," I debate whether or not to omit the fainting-in-a-skirt part. Hmm. "He wanted to know who I was..."  
  
"And what did you say?" Sam seems to have calmed down, but I'm not about to relax.  
  
"Well, I... I kinda fainted."  
  
We should be laughing. Really. C'mon, I thought Sam was having an affair with his best friend. I fainted in his hotel room. He answered the door in a towel. We both freaked out at my surprise party. Sam punched a wall and is bleeding. This is classic.  
  
Sam's not laughing. Neither am I. "And...?"  
  
"Nothing. Really, nothing happened. I asked if he knew Sam Seaborn, he said he did, and I ran out of the hotel. That's it. That's the whole regrettable thing."  
  
We lapse into silence, and I finish wrapping the gauze around his cut. It's no longer bleeding.  
  
"Okay."  
  
I look up at him. "Huh?"  
  
"Okay. I believe you."  
  
". All right."  
  
"We were both stupid and insecure and admitted our mistakes. So, let's move on."  
  
"Just like that?" Why am I looking the gift horse in the mouth?  
  
He nods. "I mean, we'll have to call up Josh before he leaves, straighten everything out with him, but yeah. All is forgiven and forgotten."  
  
With that, he moves past me and exits the bathroom. I remain here for a good ten minutes, trying to figure out what in the world has just taken place.  
  
Somehow I doubt the problem will go away so easily.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	11. An Offer She Can't Refuse

Title: Stay Anyway 11/?  
  
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)  
  
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1  
  
Previously, in Stay Anyway.  
  
Part 1.  
  
. Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.  
  
. The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.  
  
. Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You  
  
were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can  
  
say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."  
  
Part 2.  
  
. I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.  
  
. She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."  
  
. The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.  
  
Part 3.  
  
. Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.  
  
. Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?  
  
Part 4.  
  
. His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.  
  
. "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."  
  
. "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.  
  
. My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."  
  
. Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.  
  
Part 5.  
  
. I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.  
  
. Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.  
  
. "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"  
  
Part 6.  
  
. I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.  
  
. He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?  
  
. "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."  
  
Part 7.  
  
. "It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists. "No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"  
  
. "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.  
  
. She's going to love her surprise party.  
  
Part 8.  
  
. So why does my mind torment me so? If I _know_ that Sam is faithful, then why does my stupid, annoying, doubtful brain keep pointing out clues?  
  
. It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?  
  
. Sam's having an affair with a man?  
  
. I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.  
  
Part 9.  
  
. Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.  
  
. I take a breath, trying to calm my nerves. Why is my heart racing? Why am I feeling so... angry? So... jealous? I have no reason to be.  
  
. I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.  
  
. I watch the doors slide shut and sigh. Then I spin around and punch the wall as hard as I can with my fist.  
  
Part 10.  
  
. If Josh didn't tell him about the hotel, then why was Sam bleeding? Sam's never been the aggressive type. What exactly _did_ he tell him?  
  
. "I don't even know what to think, Lisa... your face... You should have seen your face when you saw him. I thought... I was afraid I'd lost you."  
  
. "We were both stupid and insecure and admitted our mistakes. So, let's move on." "Just like that?" Why am I looking the gift horse in the mouth?  
  
. Somehow I doubt the problem will go away so easily.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
"Many promising reconciliations have broken down because, while both parties came prepared to forgive, neither party came prepared to be forgiven."  
  
- Charles Williams  
  
*****  
  
"Listen, Lisa," I say gently, standing and walking around my desk. "Yeah, I don't think this is the time or the place. It was great seeing you, though. It really was. I - I know it's late and you'd like to get Alex in his bed-"  
  
"I'm moving here."  
  
"Well, not _his_ bed, but the bed at the hotel - What?!?"  
  
"I wasn't sure if I should tell you," She admits, looking at her hands. The idea pops into my mind that she's a kid in the Principal's office. I banish it with a shake of my head.  
  
"Why? Why wouldn't you want to tell me?"  
  
"Well - and keeping in mind you're not supposed to be here this weekend - I thought the city was big enough that I could avoid you."  
  
"Forever?"  
  
"If need be," She defends with a slight smile. "Okay, so now I realize it wasn't an airtight plan."  
  
"Do you really hate me that much?"  
  
I've stunned her into silence. A myriad of emotions is weaving its way onto her face. Somehow, it makes her look younger, more alive.  
  
She stands and turns to face me. "Sam - I don't hate you at all. At all. I might have been... _angry_ with you when we broke up, but never... I could never hate you."  
  
I take a step closer to her. My heart starts beating faster. "Then why-"  
  
"Sam..." She trails off. Acting on pure instinct, I lean forward to kiss her. At the last second she backs up, foiling my attempt. I stand straight and try to appear nonchalant. Seriously, who am I fooling?  
  
"When are you moving here?"  
  
"T-two weeks," She looks worried. Petrified even. "I'm - I'm leaving on Tuesday and coming back again in two weeks."  
  
"Have you got a place yet?"  
  
"Y-yes. It won't - it won't be ready for three weeks, but I'm just going to stay at a hotel until then. Not that that's important or anything, I mean, why would you care what I'm doing in three weeks, right? I shouldn't have even said anything, it doesn't really matter."  
  
I love it when she babbles.  
  
"You're babbling, Lisa," I whisper, unable to hide my smile.  
  
"I know."  
  
We stare at each other for another moment before she dusts imaginary lint off her shirt. "Sam, I would like it if we could be friends."  
  
My heart leaps, then collapses when I realize the actual meaning behind her words. "Oh."  
  
She sticks her hand out towards me. "Friends?"  
  
I warily shake the proffered hand. It's better than nothing. "Sure. I mean, of course. Why not? It'll be great. Really. Friends. Great."  
  
"You're babbling, Sam," She smirks, shifting her purse on her shoulder.  
  
"I know."  
  
"Well, I should get going. It really _was_ great seeing you again."  
  
I follow her out of the office. "Yes, and I'm glad I got to meet Alex."  
  
When we find ourselves outside of Josh's office, I reach out and put my hand on her arm.  
  
"You know what?" I inquire quietly. She looks up at me, curiosity in her emerald eyes.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I was just thinking... hotels are really expensive around here, you know, so, uh... if you'd want, 'cause I know you probably need to be saving money - I mean, who doesn't? - but, if you'd want..."  
  
"Yeah...?"  
  
"If you'd, uh, want to - you and Alex could stay with me. At my apartment. You know, for the week. It's the least I can do."  
  
I detect the hint of a smile as I stutter through my offer.  
  
"I don't know, Sam..." She trails off, deep in thought. "I don't think that's a good idea."  
  
"C'mon," Suddenly, it's become necessary for me to convince her of the brilliance of my plan. "I bet that the institution is expensive, and you'll be switching jobs, and getting a new place. Are you telling me you have extra income to be spending?"  
  
"Well, no, but... I don't want to impose-"  
  
"Don't be silly!" I insist with a smile. "I'm hardly ever home anyway."  
  
She's thoroughly weighing her options, but, from the look in her eyes, I can tell she's caving.  
  
"As an added bonus, I'll let you two have the bed. And I still have that really soft comforter," I've finally won her over to my side. She smiles warmly at me, and my insides flip-flop.  
  
"Let me think about it."  
  
Well, it isn't a flat out 'no.'  
  
She opens the door to Josh's office and enters. I follow behind her, quietly watching as she tries to move Alex without waking him. Amazingly, she's successful, and I study his sleeping form in his stroller as Lisa gathers their belongings. He really is quite adorable, so peaceful and innocent. He looks so much like Lisa, it's uncanny. I wonder idly who his father is, and if he's smart, or good-looking, or kind. For all I know, he could be Republican!  
  
I can't even imagine growing up without a father. Even though mine was a dirty, lying, cheating s.o.b., he was there during my childhood. We used to go camping, and hiking, and sailing, and play baseball. Poor Alexander might not get a chance to do any of that. My heart goes out to the dozing toddler.  
  
"I'm gonna get going now, Sam," Lisa announces, her voice hushed. I follow her back into the hallway.  
  
"Wait!" I exclaim abruptly. She jumps a mile at my outburst, then turns around.  
  
"What now?"  
  
I pat down my pockets until I find what I'm looking for. "Here. It's my card, with my phone number. Give me a call before you come back in two weeks."  
  
She nods and accepts the card, tucking it into her purse. She gives a little wave and disappears around the corner. I lean against the wall, reflecting on the night's events. Somehow, this has turned out much differently than I originally expected.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	12. Three's Company

Title: Stay Anyway 12/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

Part 7…

… "It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists. "No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"

… "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

… She's going to love her surprise party.

Part 8…

… So why does my mind torment me so? If I _know_ that Sam is faithful, then why does my stupid, annoying, doubtful brain keep pointing out clues?

… It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?

… Sam's having an affair with a man?

… I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.

Part 9…

… Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.

… I take a breath, trying to calm my nerves. Why is my heart racing? Why am I feeling so... angry? So... jealous? I have no reason to be.

… I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.

… I watch the doors slide shut and sigh. Then I spin around and punch the wall as hard as I can with my fist.

Part 10…

… If Josh didn't tell him about the hotel, then why was Sam bleeding? Sam's never been the aggressive type. What exactly _did_ he tell him?

… "I don't even know what to think, Lisa... your face... You should have seen your face when you saw him. I thought... I was afraid I'd lost you."

… "We were both stupid and insecure and admitted our mistakes. So, let's move on." "Just like that?" Why am I looking the gift horse in the mouth?

… Somehow I doubt the problem will go away so easily.

Part 11…

… "Listen, Lisa," I say gently, standing and walking around my desk. "Yeah, I don't think this is the time or the place. It was great seeing you, though. It really was. I - I know it's late and you'd like to get Alex in his bed-" "I'm moving here."

… She stands and turns to face me. "Sam - I don't hate you at all. At all. I might have been... _angry_ with you when we broke up, but never... I could never hate you."

… I lean forward to kiss her. At the last second she backs up, foiling my attempt.

… "If you'd, uh, want to - you and Alex could stay with me. At my apartment. You know, for the week. It's the least I can do."

… "Let me think about it." Well, it isn't a flat out 'no.'

***** 

"Everything is more complicated than it seems."  
--Murphy's Law 

***** 

"Donna, really, I just... no, I don't think it's a good idea. You understand, right?"

I sigh as I unravel a long stretch of tape and carefully apply it to the box in front of me. The moving van won't be here for another ten days, but I have an incredible amount of packing to do. With a black permanent marker, I scribble "Kitchen" on the top as Donna pleads her case.

"Lisa, he's going crazy!" She exclaims. "I mean, really. His brain is fried because of H.R. 206, and every fifteen minutes he calls or visits my desk to see if you've called," She pauses. "I'm not even Sam's secretary!"

"Donna, I don't know what you want me to say," I sigh and collapse into a nearby chair. Alex looks over at me from his spot on the floor. He smiles and waves one of his matchbox cars at me. I wave back. "I've been thinking a lot lately, and I've decided it's all for the best if I just avoid Sam for the next four or so years."

Donna lets out an exasperated breath. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you want to see him?"

"Well… it's complicated."

"Why can't you at least call him and tell him that? I just - I don't understand why you're so against seeing him."

Donna and I have become close friends in the past two weeks, but I don't know if we're close enough for me to go into elaborate detail on this subject. Maybe later.

"I have my reasons."

"That's a bunch of crap."

"Yes, it is."

"And yet, that's all you're going to leave me with, isn't it?"

I can hear her smile through the phone, so I don't feel as bad as I might otherwise have. "Yup."

"Well, at least give me your address. I'll stop by and help you and Alex unpack."

"Uh… I don't know about that."

"You don't trust me?"

"Donna, you have to look at it from my perspective. You've known Sam much longer than you've known me, so you might be tempted to -"

"I promise I won't give him your address."

"Him who?"

"I promise I won't give Sam Seaborn your address,"

I think I can trust her. "I think I can trust you. Okay. You got a pen and paper?"

"I _am_ an assistant in the White House. I practically have a pad of paper and a pen stapled to my hand."

"All right then. Ready?" 

"Uh huh."

I slowly relay my new address, happy that I've already memorized it. After her assurances that Sam was nowhere near her, Donna quietly repeats it back to me.

"And where are you going to be staying until the apartment is ready?"

I cringe at the smug motherly tone of her voice. She's got me, and she knows it.

"A hotel," I admit, not even bothering to appear nonchalant.

"Lisa, that's ridiculous! You told me yourself that Sam offered to let you stay with him. Even he has told me that much. And you still want to pay for a hotel?"

I sigh deeply and close my eyes, rubbing my left temple with my free hand. "The people that are buying my house gave me a down payment a few days ago - Alex and I will be fine."

I hear her cover the mouthpiece and say something, followed by what is unmistakably Josh's voice. She says something else before returning to our conversation.

"Sorry about that. Anyway, if you don't want to stay with him, then why don't you come stay with me? It will be fun, and you'll be saving money!"

I don't know about this latest development.

"Uhh…"

"Lisa, I promise I won't interfere with your 'relationship' with Sam."

"Did you just make quotation marks with your fingers?"

"… Maybe." Guilty as charged. "But, you have to admit it was warranted."

"I suppose."

We both lapse into silence for a few seconds. "You and Alex should stay with me."

"No, don't worry, Donna. We'll be fine."

"I insist! I'm hardly ever home anyway, what with my slave driver of a boss."

I chuckle along with her, considering my options. Despite my earlier assurances, I really don't have the money to be blowing on a week-long hotel stay. Still… I've only known Donna for two weeks- what if deep below her cheerful personality she's hiding murderous rage?

Oh, the things you worry about when you're a mother.

"All right," I decide with a shrug of my shoulders. "What the heck. It'll be fun."

"You bet your ass," Donna says. I can tell she's grinning.

"Promise you won't tell Sam I'm staying with you?" I hate myself for asking, but it's really for the best that he doesn't know.

"I still don't understand completely, but I promise. Not a word to Sam," Her voice drops in volume on the last word, and I hear a man's voice. My eyes widen. Oh great. His voice is unmistakable, but I can't recognize any of the words.

"Sam, I'm talking to my cousin," Donna states emphatically. "Her name is Eileen. She lives in Gurnee, Illinois, which is a two hour drive from Madison, Wisconsin, where I grew up."

I hold my breath in anticipation. Donna sounded pretty confident in her lie. I hope she didn't overdo it.

"No, she's married."

I laugh out loud at this, belatedly moving the phone away from my mouth. I'm dying to ask what exactly he said, but I'm still too afraid that Sam might hear me.

"Okay." Pause. "I'll let you know if Lisa calls."

I wait a moment longer before asking, "Is he gone?"

"Yes," Donna whispers into the phone.

"Then why are you whispering?" I whisper back.

"I don't know," She pauses, then resumes her normal volume. "So, that was a little odd."

"Yeah, it was. That's why he can't know. It'll be way too awkward for all of us, especially you."

"Fine. I mean, it's all right. I think I understand it a little now."

"Good."

"So, when can I expect and Alex?"

"Well, the movers are coming at nine on Monday, the twenty-second. They have to load everything and then we have to take it to the storage place. I want to see my dad, too, so I'd say… five? Five thirty?"

"Sounds terrific. I'll be home around five fifteen, so five thirty will be fine. I'll make something for dinner."

"Oh, you don't have to do that."

"No, it's my pleasure. Now, all I have to do is convince Josh to let me leave early… well, earlier than the hours I usually get to go home."

"Why don't you tell him your cousin Eileen is visiting?" I offer jokingly.

"That's a good idea!"

"Wait - what?"

"That's a really good idea. It gives me an excuse to leave early all week without suspicion."

"No, really, it's not. It's a horrible idea. In fact, it's hardly an idea at all - I was joking."

"It doesn't matter. I still think it's a good idea."

"Decent, perhaps, but not good. No lies can ever be good."

"What?!?"

Donna's abrupt question disrupts our rhythm. It catches me off guard.

"Huh?"

"You just told me to lie. Well, not lie, but withhold the truth, which is essentially the same thing. So how can you denounce me for wanting to lie?"

My head is spinning. "That's not what I meant. I just… I don't want to get caught up in all these deceitful acts. Lies are not my friend."

Donna laughs, and I realize how much we resemble an episode of Three's Company.

"Well, I'm still going to tell Josh. He and Sam barely have time to talk, but I don't think it'll matter. They won't figure it out. Welcome to the family, cousin Eileen."

In spite of the circumstances, I find myself smiling. "Why, thank you. And you know what's really creepy? My family and I lived in Gurnee before we moved to Pennsylvania."

"That _is_ creepy," Donna decides. "We might've seen each other way back when."

"I was around eleven or twelve when we moved, so it's entirely possible we passed each other in the streets when you were visiting her."

"Mommy, pway wiff me?"

"Oh, he's so cute," Donna gushes. I grin.

"Thanks. I guess that's my cue to get off the phone. Thank you so much for everything, Donna. Really, I mean it."

I hand the phone to Alex. "Here, buddy, tell Donna thank you."

He takes the proffered phone and looks up at me for a moment. "Fank woo, Donna." He quickly gives it back.

"You're welcome," I hear Donna say. "Okay, I've got to go, Lisa."

"Thank you once again."

"Oh, stop it. It's no problem. Five thirty on the twenty-second?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there."

"Bye. I push the talk button and pull my son into my lap, cars and all.

"Are you ready to say goodbye to this house?"

He shakes his head.

I sigh. "Me neither."

We sit for a moment in one of the few pieces of furniture I plan on keeping - my mom's cushioned rocking chair - and I hug Alex to me, examining the disarrayed room. Just the thought of all the packing I have to do all week makes me want to cry.

I've spent many years here - at least half of my life. It's sad to know I won't ever be in here again. Even though I'm only halfway done with the packing, the house looks so strange. I've never seen it so big and… lifeless. It's not right.

I check my watch and maneuver us into a standing position, Alex and his cars in my arms.

"Okay, Alexander. Keep playing with your toys for a little longer, all right? Mommy has to do some packing so we can visit Grandpa and then Donna!"

"Yay!" Alex raises his arms and cheers, consequently dropping all of the toy cars on the wooden floor. The look of surprise on his face makes me giggle.

"It's okay, Alex," I place him on the floor. "Pick 'em up. They're all right."

While he is busily collecting his cars, I return to another stack of already-filled boxes. I know I should be depressed about the house, but I'm filled with nervous anticipation for the fresh start awaiting us. A new home, a new job, and new friends- essentially an entirely new life.

The only thing that's troubling me is the tiny desire in the back of my head for Sam Seaborn to be a part of that new life.

I sigh and rip off a strip of tape. This is going to be an incredibly difficult task.

TBC


	13. Two Guys, a Bet, and Enlightenment

Title: Stay Anyway 13/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimer & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… The President, CJ, Toby, and Charlie are in China until Monday evening.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… She shifts in her seat suddenly and thrusts a manicured hand in my direction. "I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Donnatella Moss, Josh Lyman's assistant." I chortle in amused sympathy, which causes Donna to grin. "I somehow doubt Josh's personality has changed much in three years." I pause. "You're a very brave woman."

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Lisa and I are staring at each other, and Donna coughs slightly, backing into the Roosevelt Room. "I'll be in here, if you, uh, well, we'll be here." Then she's gone, and it's just Lisa and me... and Alex.

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… His face brightens and he smiles one of his killer smiles. I always loved his perfect white teeth, and it has nothing to do with professional appreciation.

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… "You can both be professionals and be in love," I tell him truthfully. He doesn't meet my eyes.

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

… Then Sam coughs and the spell is broken, and he leads the way to Josh's office.

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… I'm standing still, staring at this man in a most unprofessional manner but unable to stop. I never believed in love at first sight, but... "Uh, I'm Sam Seaborn. I have an eleven-thirty appointment to fill some cavities?" He sounds like he's trying to jog my memory, and he has.

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

Part 7…

… "It's not lying; it's misdirection," Josh insists. "No wonder you're a politician," I mutter playfully. I can almost see his grin. "You're going to be here to help me, right? You're flying in on Thursday?"

… "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

… She's going to love her surprise party.

Part 8…

… So why does my mind torment me so? If I _know_ that Sam is faithful, then why does my stupid, annoying, doubtful brain keep pointing out clues?

… It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?

… Sam's having an affair with a man?

… I have never felt so horrible in my entire life.

Part 9…

… Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.

… I take a breath, trying to calm my nerves. Why is my heart racing? Why am I feeling so... angry? So... jealous? I have no reason to be.

… I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.

… I watch the doors slide shut and sigh. Then I spin around and punch the wall as hard as I can with my fist.

Part 10…

… If Josh didn't tell him about the hotel, then why was Sam bleeding? Sam's never been the aggressive type. What exactly _did_ he tell him?

… "I don't even know what to think, Lisa... your face... You should have seen your face when you saw him. I thought... I was afraid I'd lost you."

… "We were both stupid and insecure and admitted our mistakes. So, let's move on." "Just like that?" Why am I looking the gift horse in the mouth?

… Somehow I doubt the problem will go away so easily.

Part 11…

… "Listen, Lisa," I say gently, standing and walking around my desk. "Yeah, I don't think this is the time or the place. It was great seeing you, though. It really was. I - I know it's late and you'd like to get Alex in his bed-" "I'm moving here."

… She stands and turns to face me. "Sam - I don't hate you at all. At all. I might have been... _angry_ with you when we broke up, but never... I could never hate you."

… I lean forward to kiss her. At the last second she backs up, foiling my attempt.

… "If you'd, uh, want to - you and Alex could stay with me. At my apartment. You know, for the week. It's the least I can do."

… "Let me think about it." Well, it isn't a flat out 'no.'

Part 12…

… "Lisa, he's going crazy!" She exclaims. "I mean, really. His brain is fried because of H.R. 206, and every fifteen minutes he calls or visits my desk to see if you've called," She pauses. "I'm not even Sam's secretary!"

… "Anyway, if you don't want to stay with him, then why don't you come stay with me? It will be fun, and you'll be saving money!"

… "Well, I'm still going to tell Josh. He and Sam barely have time to talk, but I don't think it'll matter. They won't figure it out. Welcome to the family, cousin Eileen."

… While he is busily collecting his cars, I return to another stack of already-filled boxes. I know I should be depressed about the house, but I'm filled with nervous anticipation for the fresh start awaiting us. A new home, a new job, and new friends- essentially an entirely new life.

The only thing that's troubling me is the tiny desire in the back of my head for Sam Seaborn to be a part of that new life.

*****

"That tells me I'm stupid."

"Or in love."

"Well, that's the same thing, isn't it?"

- Gary Hobson & Marissa Clark, Early Edition

*****

I've been dreading this for just over two weeks now. I thought maybe I could avoid the problem by not talking about it. I think Josh thought the same thing. So, since my little explosion, life in the West Wing has been awkward for us. Awkward, and totally professional. It's a strange feeling. I miss my friend. I guess that means it's time to face the music.

I tap my knuckles on the open door of Josh's office, peeking my head in the room. "Josh?"

He's sitting in the dark with his arms on his desk, head on his arms, staring into space. I don't think he heard me.

"Josh?" I ask, louder this time. He jerks his head up and peers at me. 

"Hmm?"

"Josh," I say, taking a step into his office. "I want to apologize for... earlier. I don't know what happened, I just-"

"Hmm?" He sluggishly sits up and blinks. "What are you talking about?"

He seems genuinely confused. It's so unbelievably unnerving to see Josh like this.

I slowly approach his desk, feeling at least ten percent guiltier than before. "I'm sorry about yelling at you before. I would've apologized earlier, but life has been so hectic with H.R. 206. You know, I wasn't really that mad... you're not mad, are you?"

The ends of his lips curl up in the saddest, most pitiful smile I've ever seen. If we weren't both straight males, I'd be tempted to hug him.

"No, I'm not mad at you, Sam," He says tiredly, somehow managing to convince me the mere idea is outrageous.

I walk around to the other side of the desk, leaning my posterior against it and looking down at my best friend. He looks absolutely crushed and refuses to meet my eyes.

"I'm here... y'know, if you feel like talking."

He snorts quietly and continues to stare straight ahead. What on Earth could have happened to-

"I don't want to talk about it," He states definitively.

I nod and cross my arms, staring down at him patiently. I've known Josh for far too long.

5.4.3.2.1.

"It's Donna," He admits, sitting back in his chair with a sigh. "I just... I don't know what to do about her."

I walk over to the door and close it before taking a seat across the desk from Josh.

"Explain," I demand encouragingly. I don't really understand why I got so upset before. For all the crap I gave him, Josh and I usually get involved in each other's love lives anyway. It's part of being best friends. Besides, I'm pretty sure Josh doesn't mind me prying into his life, seeing how often he comes to me for advice.

It's the blind leading the blind.

I sigh as Josh settles into his chair, collecting his thoughts.

"Well, we had a fight," He confesses glumly after a moment of silence. 

"What about?"

Josh sighs and raises his bent arms, palms upward, in a confused shrug.

"I'm not quite sure. I'm not even sure how it started. I mean, one minute we were discussing my upcoming meetings, the next she asked permission to leave early all week in two weeks, and... You know, Sam, I don't understand women at all."

I stand and walk over to his fridge, pulling out two of the beers he's hidden behind the bottled water and containers of yogurt. I wish I had a refrigerator in my office.

"I don't think any man does," I sigh, handing him a bottle before flopping back into my chair. "And if someone says he does, he's lying... or gay."

Josh laughs and hands me a bottle opener. 

"You remember me telling you about Donna's cousin Eileen, right?"

I try to recall. "Vaguely. Something about a poli-sci major at the University of Chicago."

Josh nods encouragingly. "Yeah, well, Donna told me she's visiting DC and staying with her in two weeks That's why she asked to leave early."

"How early?"

"Five."

I resist the urge to laugh out loud. "Josh, that's hardly early. Toby and I usually let Bonnie and Ginger leave then. Sometimes we keep them until six or seven, occasionally eight, but... well, don't you suppose Donna's earned a little time off? She's sometimes here longer than you are!"

Josh looks remotely guilty, but I can see he's still angry... and somewhat hurt... by her request. I let out a deep breath and swallow another swig of the cool, amber liquid. I sometimes may be clueless, but not in this case. He's so smitten, so head-over-heels in love with her that I want to smack him upside the head sometimes.

"Just ask her out already," I suggest tiredly. His eyes grow three sizes wider.

"Wh-what? Why?"

"Well, if you have to ask that, then maybe you shouldn't."

He thinks I'm serious. "That's not what I meant. I meant, how... are you crazy?"

"Am I?" I look him straight in the eyes. I'm not about to back down from this. It's time at least ONE of us is happy.

"Sam, Donna's my assistant. She works for me. I work for the President of the United States of America. What... what would the public think if they found out that the Deputy Chief of Staff was dating his assistant?"

"They'd think it's about time, seeing how they've been in love since the campaign."

I'm enjoying the bug-eyed look on Josh's face. I wonder for a moment if it will become a permanent thing.

"Wh- how- who- bu- wh?" He sputters, cheeks flushing red. "How?"

"How what? How'd I know?" He nods emphatically at my guess. "Josh, it's fairly obvious. Even to me, and you know what that's saying."

"Does everybody know?" He asks, his voice reminiscent of a scared, yet embarrassed little boy.

I can't help myself: I laugh. "Yes, Josh. Pretty much everyone. In fact, there's a super-secret office pool going on. The President was the one to start it."

"Wait. What? The President knows?"

"Josh, everybody knows."

"Does he - does he think we're ... we're, uh..." I take pity on the poor man.

"Does he think you're involved in any sort of non-professional relationship with your assistant?" 

"Yeah."

"No. I told you, Josh - the man started a pool to guess when you guys would finally see the light."

Now he understands. "WHAT?"

"I said, the President"

"No, I heard that. I mean, how could you guys do that? Take away our dignity? Pry into our personal lives like that?"

"It sucks, doesn't it?" I ask, shooting him a knowing look. Enlightenment reigns briefly on his face. 

"Oh. Sorry," He pauses, picking at the label of his almost-empty beer. "Who's winning?"

"The pool?"

"Yeah. Who's winning?"

"Well, it's hard to say. CJ was out of it long ago - she thought it'd happen after the shooting. Leo was all for the time after you gave Donna that book for Christmas. Charlie moved his bet to when Donna was told about the MS and you got mad at Toby. Remember how much Donna helped us, especially you, through those long nights, long weeks? We all thought he'd win for sure."

"What about you?"

"Me? Oh, I'm out of the running, too. I thought you'd act on it back when Joey Lucas planted the seed in your brain."

"I - that's really when I started to realize it," He says softly. "It made me so... so happy, because if it was true, then it'd be terrific. But, at the same time, I didn't want to believe it. Not because I didn't want think it was possible, but because I knew we couldn't do anything about it," He pauses and takes a deep breath. "We can't, Sam."

"Why the hell not?"

"What are you talking about? Hello? Are we on the same planet? I'm the Deputy Chief of Staff! Donna's my assistant! It would look-"

"It would look like a fairy tale, if it works out, which we all know it will. You need to stop coming up with phony excuses, Josh. Everybody's behind you two on this one. The President of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, knows you two are in love. He started an office-wide bet to guess when you'd admit it to each other. HE'S not the one that would have a problem with you and Donna starting a romantic relationship - YOU are!" I wait a moment for my words to sink in.

In the silence, I polish off my beer and stand. "I'm going home, all right?"

Josh waves his hand at me, deep in thought and slightly wounded from my harsh words.

"Josh, I had to tell you. I've wanted to smack you, y'know, to help you see how much you guys love each other, but... I hope this helps."

He looks up at me, wide-eyed and oddly innocent. "She really loves me?"

"Well, my name isn't Donnatella Moss, but I'm pretty damn sure she'll back me up on that one."

He reaches for the phone, then decides against it and stands, swaying slightly. He really does have a sensitive system.

"Okay, I don't know what to do," I can essentially see the adrenaline pumping through his body. "I'm going to call her," He reaches for the phone, then pulls away. "No, I'm not. I'm going to- I'm going to go see her. To apologize." He starts looking for his coat.

"Some flowers couldn't hurt, either," I call over my shoulder as I leave his office.

"Wait, Sam!" 

I turn around at his request. "Before I do anything, I'm just curious. Who would win the bet if I told her tonight?"

I think briefly of the schedule. "I believe Mrs. Landingham had this month covered. I don't know how she could have known either, because... well, she was gone before this whole M.S. deal."

"Maybe it was pure instinct," Josh says quietly. 

"How much money?"

"Oh, I don't know anymore. I lost track a long time ago. It's a pretty healthy sum, though." I look at him and smile. "Good luck, Josh. Have fun. I'll see you later."

"Yeah. Bye, Sam. And thanks."

I turn back around and head to my office to gather my stuff. I hear Josh whistling as he walks past.

I silently wish them both the best of luck and switch the lights off in my office. Time to go home and wallow in self-pity and a six-pack.

Ah, I love my life.

TBC


	14. The Pizza Guy and the Platonic Wife

Title: Stay Anyway 14/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimer & other notes in Part 1

Author's Note: In lieu of my version of Lisa being tainted forever by canon, I thought I'd post a chapter today. Enjoy!

__

(okay, so I've trimmed this down because it's gotten very long)

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Part 1…

… Josh and I are working our butts off on the latest Health Care Package, an amendment to H.R. 206.

… Josh lets out a snort. He wiggles his index finger in my direction. "You

were engaged to this woman, you haven't seen her in years, and all you can

say is 'she got a haircut'?" "Well, she did," I defend, looking down at my hands briefly. "That, and a baby."

Part 2…

… I can remember Sam leaving as if it were yesterday, yet... it's been over three years and, at times, seems decades longer.

… The door opens again and I sigh. Gathering my courage I stand, ready to face my ex-fiancee.

Part 3…

… Why does politics always come between Lisa and me?

Part 4…

… "I - I... we... why does everyone think we should date? Donna is my friend and a fine assistant, and we are both professionals."

… My body tenses immediately. "Sam, I don't want to do this right now," My voice carries with it a silent plea. Sam either misses or ignores it. "Lisa, please. I think we need to talk about it."

Part 5…

… I stand up, more furious than I should be but unable to help it. "No. You know what? No! We're not getting into this. I know you mean well, but frankly, this is none of your goddamn business. Yes, I was engaged to Lisa, but that was before the campaign and has no relevance to anything. And unless I express them verbally, my thoughts and feelings are mine and mine alone. I'm sick and tired of being 'Poor Little Innocent Sam' whose life's purpose is to amuse the White House Staff with tales of his misadventures.

… Oh great. This is fitting; this is perfect. I take it back - the last thing I want to do right now is talk to Lisa.

… "Oh, Sam," Lisa sighs. I look up at her as she gestures vaguely with her left hand. "This - this was never supposed to happen; this wasn't supposed to be us... How did we get here?"

Part 6…

… He laughs, and I can tell that despite his cavity problems he has a terrific smile. I wonder if he uses whitening toothpaste...?

… "I thed, 'ow woo fwee Fwiday night foh dinnah?'" I feel Helen's eyes boring a hole into the side of my head as I force my brain to respond coherently. "Y-yes. Yes, I am."

Part 7…

… "Hi, Lisa," I say, walking up to her while discreetly tucking the paper in my back jeans pocket. She raises her eyebrows at my apparently _in_discreet actions, and I answer her unasked question with a kiss.

… She's going to love her surprise party.

Part 8…

… It's 7:00 on Thursday, and I'm about to confront the woman with whom Sam has been cheating on me. What could I possibly be thinking?

Part 9…

… Finally, I turn around and follow her gaze to see what has shocked her. All I can see is my best friend, Josh Lyman.

… I grab him by the collar and pull him towards me. I'm out of control, but, for some reason, I can't stop myself.

Part 10…

… If Josh didn't tell him about the hotel, then why was Sam bleeding? Sam's never been the aggressive type. What exactly _did_ he tell him?

… "We were both stupid and insecure and admitted our mistakes. So, let's move on." "Just like that?" Why am I looking the gift horse in the mouth?

… Somehow I doubt the problem will go away so easily.

Part 11…

… "Listen, Lisa," I say gently, standing and walking around my desk. "Yeah, I don't think this is the time or the place. It was great seeing you, though. It really was. I - I know it's late and you'd like to get Alex in his bed-" "I'm moving here."

… I lean forward to kiss her. At the last second she backs up, foiling my attempt.

… "If you'd, uh, want to - you and Alex could stay with me. At my apartment. You know, for the week. It's the least I can do."

… "Let me think about it." Well, it isn't a flat out 'no.'

Part 12…

… "Anyway, if you don't want to stay with him, then why don't you come stay with me? It will be fun, and you'll be saving money!"

… The only thing that's troubling me is the tiny desire in the back of my head for Sam Seaborn to be a part of that new life.

Part 13…

… "It would look like a fairy tale, if it works out, which we all know it will. You need to stop coming up with phony excuses, Josh. Everybody's behind you two on this one. The President of the United States, the Leader of the Free World, knows you two are in love. He started an office-wide bet to guess when you'd admit it to each other. HE'S not the one that would have a problem with you and Donna starting a romantic relationship - YOU are!" 

***** 

"Just remember this

After a time it's through

And evermore

Will there be days

For me and you

This is all I ask

All I ask of you

Please remember darling, I do

Love you"

- Paul McCartney, I Do

***** 

"What do you want for dinner?" I ask Donna, staring in the refrigerator. 

"Oh, I don't know. Something easy," She calls from her spot on the couch. She hasn't moved from the couch since she got home two hours ago. I haven't gotten much out of her - just that she had a fight with Josh.

I wonder what her comfort food is...

"How 'bout some pizza?" I give up, closing the fridge door with a sigh. "My treat."

"That sounds great. Want me to order one?"

"Sure. Sausage and extra cheese?"

"Delicious," I hand Donna the phone before I plop down on the other end of the couch.

She knows the number by heart, and a few minutes later a pizza is on its way to the apartment.

"So... are you willing to talk, or do I need to bring out the 200 watt light bulb and the Chinese water torture?"

"Huh?" A look of grief briefly passes over Donna's features. She takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, Lisa. It's just... I've been trying to sort out exactly what happened today."

"You can take all the time you need, Donna. I was just concerned."

She smiles at me and pulls her legs up under her. "Thank you for being concerned. It's nothing major... just Josh being his usual self."

I may not have been friends with Donna for a long time, but I think I've known her long enough to learn that she doesn't need prodding; she'll talk when she's ready.

I wait silently on the couch for her to gather her thoughts and make sense of all the emotions that must be running through her body. I can fully emphasize with the woman - it was only a little over three years ago that Sam and I had the most horrendous fight of our relationship - a fight that, to this day, brings me to tears when I think about it.

But, now's not the time to think about all that. Donna needs me.

Almost as if on cue, she takes a breath and starts speaking.

"I asked to leave early all week. Josh was a little upset about it. I'm sorry, but... even if it wasn't for a made-up reason, still - I've poured my heart and soul into that job and I've earned the right, just for five measly days, to leave at a reasonable hour. I mean, I haven't eaten dinner at home in... God only knows how long. He has no right to guilt me about it! I gave him two week's notice, I rescheduled his two dinner meetings. But..."

"He's still giving you a hard time?" I guess.

"Exactly! He's taking it personally. You know, sometimes I think he forgets I'm just his assistant and he treats me more like his girl-" She realizes what she was about to say and abruptly shuts her mouth. "

I try to hide my smile. "His girl what?"

She swallows audibly. "His girl... maid. Maid! I was going to say he treats me more like his girl maid!"

She looks at me, a hopeful gleam in her eyes. She wants me to qualify her state of denial. I want to let her keep pretending, but a part of me won't allow it. After all, it's easier to make someone else confront denied feelings than it is to make yourself do it. Plus, she's bound to be happier when she realizes her true feelings. Right?

"You think he treats you like his girlfriend?" I ask, feeling very shrink-like. Almost like a marriage counselor.

It takes her a moment to come to terms with the truth. "Well, in some aspects."

"Which aspects?" I could be a therapist. All I need is a little notebook, a leather couch, and a Ph.D.

"There are certain... things... that come from working so closely with someone for a long time. Josh and I are very good friends. Very good. I mean, at times we finish each other's sentences. I may occasionally finish some of his food, but he evens the score by making me pick up his dry-cleaning. We have a rhythm, a balance, if you will, which we have carefully established since the first day we met. We depend on each other and this balance, and - he takes it all for granted, like, like we're married and I'll always be there for him; ready and willing to obey his every command and fulfill his every desire..." A blush rises to her alabaster cheeks as she catches her breath. "Well, uh... not EVERY desire."

"So, what you're saying is that, for all intents and purposes, you are his platonic wife. Correct?"

Donna nods after a moment's thought. 

"Yeah. And I'm sick of it. I'm so sick of having to walk this fine line between the professional and the personal. I'm so sick of having to balance everything for both of us, I'm sick of the bantering and the innuendo. You don't know how hard it is," She pauses, then smiles sadly at me. "Maybe you do know how hard it is to be so close to someone and have to FORCE yourselves to remain nothing more than friends."

I let out a sigh, thinking of Sam. Why is love so damn difficult?

"I wish there was something I could tell you," I say after a moment. "I really do wish I could offer some words of advice. But, the truth is, I'm not any better off than you are, and it'd be quite hypocritical of me to tell you how to run your love life when I'm making such a mess of mine."

We smile ruefully at each other until her doorbell buzzes. 

"Pizza's here!" Donna chirps. I toss her my wallet and head to the kitchen. "What do you want to drink?"

"There's a couple of cold Frescas in the door of the fridge," Donna calls as I hear her open the door.

I grab the soft drinks, two paper plates, and a handful of napkins and walk back into the living room. I stop dead in my tracks.

It wasn't the pizza guy. It was Josh.

"Donna, pleassse let me in. I wanna 'pologize for the jerk that I am," I hear him slur. Donna is standing in front of the half-opened door, blocking my view of him. Even without looking at him, I can tell Josh is slightly drunk.

"Joshua, no. I do not want to talk to you right now."

"Is Eileen here?" He asks, hiccuping. "I'll 'pologize to her, too. I bought you some flowers. I bought you some wine, too, but I got thirsty on the walk over."

"Go away, Josh. I am not going to deal with this tonight."

"C'mon, Donna," With that, he pushes the door open more, inviting himself in. He trips slightly over the diaper bag by the door, but Donna catches him before he falls.

He's drunkenly confused. "Wh - what'sss that? Does Ei- Ei -Eileen have a baby?"

Donna sighs as Josh catches sight of me framed in the kitchen doorway. 

"Lisssa?" He asks. I think I've gone and confused him even more. "Lisssa'sss here too?"

"No, Josh. Lisa is staying with me all week, not Eileen," Donna says, trying to usher him out the door. "And I don't want to deal with you tonight, much less a drunken you."

"But... but... Sssam will be mad. And sad."

"Yes, I suppose he might. But you won't remember enough to tell him."

He got a look in his eye, and for a moment I wondered if he was really drunk. "If you make me leave, I'll go tell Sssam now, so I don't forget."

Donna groans, slamming the door shut. "Fine. You can stay."

"Pleassse let me 'pologize, Donna. I'm a jerk. Sssam made me see that."

"You needed Sam to help you see that?" Donna seems slightly amused. She leads Josh to the living room and seats him in one corner of the couch. She moves to leave, but Josh pulls her down next to him on the couch.

"No, but he... he made me sssee other stuff. Better stuff," The conversation seems to be taking a toll on Josh's energy level, as he's yawning.

I remain rooted to my spot in the doorway, mesmerized by the scene unfolding in front of me. Only knocking on the apartment door makes me snap out of it long enough to greet the pizza guy.

I take the pizza into the kitchen and set it on the counter. I'm no longer that hungry.

Back in the living room, Donna's patience is wearing thin.

"Did you know there's a pool in the White House?" Josh asks, handing Donna the flowers. She holds them at a distance, as if they're a shield protecting her heart.

"Yes, Josh. It's under the Press Room. Remember how you spent an entire day last year trying to convince us all to go for a swim?"

"No, that's not what I meant. I meant, a poooool. A bet. About us."

Donna's back is facing me, but I'm sure her face is an emotional palette. I sense a change in her countenance.

"What about us?"

"Well, Donnatelllla, everybody knows I love you. And they made a bet to see when I would tell you that."

Donna is silent.

"Mrs. Landingham wins the bet, Donna, 'cause I'm tellllling you now. I love you. And I thought that you should know."

"Josh..."

"Sssam says he's not you, but he thinks you love me, too. That would be nice. Do you, Donna?"

I'm amazed at how childlike and innocent Josh sounds when he's drunk. 

Donna's still silent, so Josh continues uninterrupted. "Sam and I had a talk. And we don't unnerstan women. At all. But that'ssss okay 'cause I just want you to know I love you and I'm sorry I'm a jerk. Okay?"

"Josh!" Donna's angry cry surprises us both. She jumps to her feet and begins pacing. "I... No, all right? This is not okay. Why does this always happen? Why can't you ever talk seriously with me when you're NOT drunk? I don't want to live this way, Josh. I don't want to have to wait for you to have a few cold ones before you can admit your feelings. I know it's a tough situation at work. I totally understand that it's hard for you to express your feelings. But I know you know how to say what you mean. You've done it before. Remember the book you gave me for Christmas? You did it then, Joshua. Why can't you do it anymore?"

Josh just sits and stares at her in a drunken stupor. She's shocked both of us, but I have to give her credit for having the courage to do it.

"Josh," She's standing across the room from him, staring at the floor. She raises a hand and points towards the door. "Josh, I think you should leave."

The dazed man on her couch considers her words for a few seconds before shakily climbing to his feet.

"Lisa, can you call him a cab?" Donna requests tiredly as she passes me on the way to her bedroom. I nod dumbly and search for the phone book. After I make the call, I don't feel right throwing him out all by his lonesome, so Josh and I sit in silence as we wait for the taxi to arrive. 

"I do love her," He whispers to me. I can see the pain in his eyes. It's absolutely true.

"She loves you, too," I whisper back after checking over my shoulder for Donna. "You can make this right again, Josh. It's not that big of a problem."

He shakes his head slightly and winces. "I dunno 'bout that."

"Sure you can," I say, opening the door and motioning for him to follow me outside. He obeys, and I quietly shut the door behind us.

It's dark except for the few orange streetlamps dotting the sidewalk. I take a seat on the cool concrete and Josh clumsily follows suit.

"How, Lisa? How do I make this right?" His voice has lost all traces of alcohol.

"You'll know. You'll think of something and you'll just know."

We lapse into silence. A car passes and I start to stand, but I realize it's not the taxi and sit back down.

"Y'know, I always wondered why you came to my hotel room that time," He says quietly.

I'm surprised he's sober enough to remember that. "We talked about that a long time ago, Josh," I remind him.

"Yeah, I know. But, I mean... why. Why you didn't trussst Sam?"

I sigh. "I don't even know, Josh. All I know is that love plays tricks on you. It can turn an ordinary mind into a scared, aggressive, paranoid schizophrenic without any warning."

He laughs and I join him. It isn't full-blown laughter, but it nevertheless feels good.

"Can I tell you a secret? You have to promise not to tell Sam."

My curiosity is getting the best of me. "I promise. And you promise not to tell Sam I'm staying with Donna?"

"I promise," Josh says, then stops. I think I confused him by asking him a question before he got to reveal his secret. His face suddenly lights up. Ah, now he remembers.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He repeats, unaware he already asked. 

"Sure. And I promise not to tell Sam."

"Okay," He nods for a second before leaning over to whisper in my ear. "I think Sam still loves you."

I sit there, speechless. Josh leans back against the building and smiles happily.

"He told you that?" I ask, finally finding my voice.

"He didn't have to. I see it. Like he sees me and knows I love Donna."

Fortunately, or unfortunately (I'm not quite sure), a taxi cab pulls into the apartment's parking lot right then. I help Josh to his feet and watch as he swaggers to the car. When he's gotten in safely, I open the apartment door and go back inside.

"He gone?" Donna asks quietly. She's sitting on the floor in the living room, pizza box on the table in front of her, open but untouched.

I nod and join her on the carpet. Even if she didn't sniffle just then, I could tell from the red around her eyes that she's been crying.

"Men," She says with a sigh. "Can't live with 'em, don't want to live without 'em."

"Donna, my dear. I couldn't agree more with you."

TBC


	15. In the Heat of the Argument

Title: Stay Anyway 15/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

_Previously, in Stay Anyway..._

Sam sees his ex-fiancee Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her.

***** 

"Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud."

- Hermann Hesse

***** 

I don't know what possibly compelled me to drive over to Donna's in the middle of the night. Honestly, now that I'm standing in front of her door, dripping wet from the quiet thunderstorm, I can't find a single reason for my being here. I know what I want to ask her, and it honestly could've waited until morning. I could've called her, or waited until she showed up in the west wing for work in a few hours.

Hindsight's a great thing, isn't it? I'll just blame my knocking on Donna's door at three thirty eight in the morning on a lack of sleep and wavering sanity.

"Sam?" Donna's disheveled head pops out of the door. "What happened? What's wrong?"

She closes the door and I hear the chain slide off. The door swings open once again, wider this time.

"Sam, what's wrong? Is everything okay? Is it Josh? The President?" With each query, her voice sounds less and less sleepy.

"No, it's not Josh. Or the President. Everyone is fine."

She actually scratches her head, yawning. "Okay then. C'mon in," She walks away from the door, leaving it open. I walk in and close it behind me.

"Do you want some coffee?" She wants to know, heading into the kitchen. 

"No, thanks," I answer, carefully hanging my dripping coat on the coat rack. "There isn't a deadly emergency or anything. I just... I needed to talk to you."

"Okay," Donna reappears in the living room, tightening her robe around her. She sinks into the couch with another yawn. "What did you need to talk about?"

I open my mouth and then realize what an idiot I am. Josh had come over here earlier to profess his love. It's entirely possible that he's still here.

"Is, uh... How'd things go with Josh?" As soon as I ask, I realize she had asked me if something happened to Josh. He must not be here anymore. Whoops.

Donna suddenly seems wide awake. "Horribly. I don't even want to talk about it," She pauses and scrutinizes me for a moment, narrowing her eyes. "That's not what you wanted to talk about, was it? Because I'm just not in the mood to-"

I shake my head, starting to pace around her living room. "No, that's not it. Don't worry, that's not - Listen, Donna. I know you've been talking to Lisa. I have no proof, but I just know. You - Donna, you have to tell me where she is. I need to talk to her. I can't - I can't even sleep! I've been thinking way too much, and I need to see her. Please tell me where she is."

There's a perfectly-timed noise in the hallway behind me. I pause in mid-step, not quite wanting to turn around but doing it anyway.

"Donna? Is that Josh? Is everything o-" Lisa stops talking as soon as she sees me.

An extraordinarily awkward moment comes and goes.

"She's right there," Donna pipes up from the couch, not meaning it to be funny or cute. Neither of us turns to look at her.

"You've been here all this time?" I ask, incredulous. How could they have pulled this off? How could Donna have lied to me? And to Josh? Wait. Josh had to have figured it out last night, if he didn't already know. Why didn't he call me? Why the hell am I out of the loop again?

Lisa crosses her arms across her chest, already on the defensive. "What do you want, Sam?"

"I want... I want- I want-" I'm fuming. Absolutely fuming. I wouldn't be surprised if smoke started shooting out of my ears. I have to stay angry, too, otherwise I might realize how painful this all is. "Why didn't you call me? Two weeks, Lisa. Why the hell didn't you call me like you said you would?"

"Hush, Sam. You'll wake everyone up."

"I DON'T CARE!" I yell. Deep breath, Sam. Deep breath. "Why did you lie to me?"

"To be fair, Sam - and please keep your voice down - I never said I'd call you. I said I'd think about it. And I did, and I realized it was the wrong thing to do."

"Oh, so you decided that concocting an elaborate scheme to lie to me and stay with Donna was a better idea?"

"Yes, Sam. That was exactly my thought process, because as you've known for years, everything in the world revolves around you."

"I know the world doesn't revolve around me, Lisa. Believe it or not, I learned that three years ago, when you were so kind as to remind me, back when MY world revolved around you, that I wasn't the center of the universe. I knew that, dammit, I knew that, but you'd think... God! We were engaged, Lisa, we were almost married, and your world didn't revolve around me, around us."

She's getting livid now, too. "Oh, so you're going to drag my parents into this, huh? You're going to blame the fact that my mother had a stroke and my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's- that they lived in Pennsylvania and needed my help- you're going to blame me AGAIN for taking care of them?!?"

"Lisa, I never SAW you! We were barely speaking at that point! I was working overtime, you were working and traveling between Pennsylvania and Manhattan every weekend. Who was I supposed to blame?"

"Gee, I don't know. Nobody? Blame God that they got sick, if you want to. I didn't. Blame Josh, if you want, because he encouraged you to leave. He showed you the bone and asked you to chase it."

"What?!?"

"Oh, come on, Sam. Don't you remember? You were almost a partner! You were excited! And then Josh came along with his face and his hopes about Bartlet being the real thing and got you all confused. Do you even remember what we fought about, what we broke up over? You wanted to go traveling all over the country with the campaign. You wanted to move to Washington. You wanted to give up stability for a dream, and you didn't want any objections. You didn't care that DC was even farther from my parents than New York was. You didn't care that I was happy in my job, that you were happy in your job until Josh showed up. You felt like something - your youth, perhaps- was slipping down the drain, and you wanted to chase a pipe dream. You even called it that, Sam! You didn't think Bartlet had a chance in hell because he was too decent a guy. Remember? And we fought, and we fought, and I gave up. In the end, Sam, I was too goddamned tired from trying to take care of everyone, and I gave up. 'Go on, Sam. Go get a good man elected President.' That's what I told you, Sam. And I may have regretted it over the years, but I never blamed you for it, I never blamed Josh for it, and I tried to never blame myself for it. Some things happen for a reason."

I pinch the bridge of my nose. This is SO not how this trip was supposed to end up.

"What do you want me to say, Lisa? That I'm sorry? Because I am. I'M SORRY! I never meant to screw up your life so much."

Somewhere in the apartment Alex starts crying. Donna quietly excuses herself to go get him.

"I never said that, Sam. Dammit! Stop pulling me into your little pity-party! I said I never blamed you! My life has turned out a lot differently than I expected when we were engaged, but I don't feel sorry for myself. And you shouldn't feel sorry for me either. I've done just fine over the years, and I'm damn proud of Alex. I love him more than I thought I could love anyone, anything. So don't you go feeling sorry about the most important part of my life, and don't you DARE expect ME to feel sorry. I'm only sorry that you feel this immense guilt and this need to fix my life. I LIKE my life, Sam. It's not a bowl of cherries, but it's mine and I've worked hard for it."

"I've worked hard for my life, too, Lisa. Damn hard. And don't you go trivializing my feelings and my actions. So I feel guilty? So what? I can't help it if I have compassion! So I feel sorry for you. And Alex. What of it? I'm sorry I'm not the insensitive, inhuman monster your memory must have made me out to be."

Donna re-appears in the room. She's holding Alex, who's whimpering as he sucks on a bottle.

"Sam-"

"I'll stop feeling sorry for you right now. In fact, I already have. But Alex - I still feel sorry for him. I may have had a bastard for a father, but he was my dad when I was growing up. I never suspected he could be a jerk. But Alex? Your son doesn't even know who his dad is, much less what kind of person he is. I feel sorry for him, because in all likelihood he'll never know how much fun, how important a dad is, and he'll never even know what he's missing."

Now Lisa is speechless. I think she's crying, too, because she just swiped at her eyes. I may be being a jerk right now, but I can't stop myself.

"You know what? I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I thought that if I could only talk to you again, that everything would be all right. Well, I was so blatantly wrong. I'm sorry I came over here and woke you all up. Okay? Donna? I'm sorry I woke you up, and I'm sorry I made Alex cry."

"Why did you come over, Sam? Just to try to make me feel bad? You needn't have bothered to do it in person - you could have told Donna everything and she would've relayed it to me."

I feel guilty now, for there's a sorrow underneath her sarcasm, a sorrow I caused by showing up here.

"Yeah, just forget it ever happened, all right? Forget everything I said, forget everything I did, forget that I still love you."

I don't even realize what I've said at first. I stare at Lisa and Donna and Alex for a moment as it sinks in.

Now I don't know what to say, what to do. I snatch my soggy jacket from the coat rack and leave, slamming the door behind me.

What have I done?

TBC


	16. Hanging up is Hard to do

Title: Stay Anyway 16/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Okay, two chapters this week because they're kind of short.

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her.

*****

"Is it possible we have found you again only to lose you?"

- Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

*****

Life can sure take some unexpected turns, can't it? I mean, one minute I'm touring the White House with my son, the next I'm having a screaming match with my ex-fiancée in my new friend's apartment.

Never saw that one coming.

It is now, like the Moody Blues song, Tuesday afternoon. Alex and I have just returned from visiting my father. The doctors and nurses seem to think he's adjusting well to his new life. He was happy to see us, which always makes me feel better.

  
I know he doesn't quite understand it all, and I'm fairly certain he doesn't even remember Sam, but I couldn't help telling my dad about what happened last night. I still can't believe it myself.

The worst part of it all is, deep down, this is exactly what I wanted. I never stopped loving Sam, and I always wanted him to still love me. I used to have dreams of being a family - me, Sam, and Alex, together and happy. So, if this is what I wanted, why do I feel so crappy? Why can't I accept this chance for happiness?

I'd like to think there's some internal problem, something that could be fixed with medication or maybe hypnosis, but, sadly, I know that's not the case. The simple truth of the matter is not that I'm afraid of happiness, though I might be a little bit scared of the risk. The problem is that I'm afraid of how it would look in the political world. Really. I don't want to be the reason for any bad press for Sam. I love him too much to ruin his career by sticking around.

It's odd, because I'm almost more aware, more worried, about the possible negative ramifications than he is. I doubt with all of his thinking that it's even crossed his mind.

No, I take that back. It probably has. But Sam has that wonderful optimism, that terrifically cheerful outlook that I love and envy, which probably put a positive spin on any of the repercussions.

I wish I could think like he does.

Alex is busy watching a cartoon on TV. He's laughing so hard I'm afraid he's going to bust something. 

God, I love that boy sooo much. What Sam said... it really hurt. I know I'm hindering Alex by withholding his father from him, but I truly believe it's for the best. If I didn't believe that with all my heart and soul, I wouldn't be doing it.

I pick up Donna's phone, watching Alex dissolve into a fit of giggles on the other end of the sofa. I play with the phone for a minute, rolling it around in my hands. 

This really is for the best. It has to be.

I pick Sam's business card off of the coffee table and start to dial.

"Sam Seaborn," A brisk female voice answers.

The idiot that I am, I didn't stop to think that Sam's secretary would be answering the phone.

"Uh, yeah. This is Lisa Prescott. I was - is Sam free? I need to talk to him."

"Hold on a second, Ms. Prescott," The woman says. Patriotic holding music blares for a few moments. Then the phone is picked up again.

"Hello? Sam Seaborn here," Sam states. He sounds overworked and generally exhausted, but somehow more content than I've ever known him to be.

"Sam, this is Lisa. I..." I trail off. What I'm about to do is so mean. I shouldn't do it over the phone, or while he's working, yet I'm going to do both.

I hear only his breathing on the other end. He's learned his lesson from his slip-up last night - he won't say a word unless it's absolutely warranted. That should make this a little, tiny bit easier.

"Sam, I've been thinking a lot, like you have been. And I think, for both our sakes, it's best if we don't... see each other anymore. If you truly feel the way you feel, then I don't want to torture you by just being friends. And if we were to get together, uh... romantically, it would look bad, and I don't want to hurt your career. Okay? That's all I needed to say."

The silence is killing me. Please, Sam. Please tell me I'm doing the right thing. Please at least SEE that I'm doing the right thing.

"Okay," He says at last. His voice is clipped and I can tell he's already distanced himself from me. "It was nice knowing you, Lisa. Goodbye."

With that, I find myself listening to a dial tone.

I sit on the couch for the next five minutes, replaying our conversation (if you can even call it that) over and over in my head. I did the right thing. I had to have done the right thing. 

Right?

TBC


	17. Lunch Date

Title: Stay Anyway 17/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway...

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore.

***** 

"From a lover to a friend

Take your own advice

Let me love again."

- Paul McCartney, From a Lover to a Friend

***** 

I hang up the phone with a finality I don't feel.

What just happened?

Here I am, sitting in my office and going over the latest objections to HR 206 in what is essentially the eleventh hour, and... and I get the phone call I've been dreading but halfway expecting.

I want to call her back. No, I want to think about this. I want to go home, sit in the dark, get drunk, and really think about this. Lately, that's the only way anything makes any sense to me. 

How did this happen? I love her, but I can't be with her.

I sense the parallel as I see Josh and Donna walk past my office.

"That's it," I say out loud to no one. I stand, save the open document on my laptop, and head to the mess for some lunch.

"Hey, Sam," Someone's voice snaps me out of my thoughts. I look around me in line and find Ainsley behind me.

Great.

"Hi, Ainsley. How're you?" I try to sound cheerful. I think I overdid it.

She smiles up at me. "I feel fine. How about you? I see you didn't follow my advice."

My look of confusion saves me from having to ask her what she's talking about. 

"You didn't get a haircut yet," She explains, cutting in front of me.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I ask, taken aback by her bold move.

"I am paying for my lunch. You, on the other hand, are apparently going on a diet," She's pointing at my tray. It's empty.

"That's -" I start to protest but realize she's right. I turn around and go through the line again, this time ordering a club sandwich and an iced tea.

After I pay for my lunch, I decide to take a break from my office and eat in the mess. As I'm searching for an open table, I notice Ainsley waving her arm at me.

"C'mon, Sam. I saved you a seat."

I don't feel much like company, but I can't resist her smile. Not that I'd ever tell her that.

"Okay, I guess I'll eat with you," I say, mock-reluctantly, and make a big production about sitting down across from her. She rolls her eyes at my antics.

"Sam, sit down. You are, single-handedly, making a spectacle of yourself and me."

I find myself smiling at her for no apparent reason. I suddenly remember that, a long, long two weeks ago, I was about to ask this woman out on a date. Lisa may have reappeared for a bit, but deep down my feelings for the Republican sitting across the table haven't changed. I may have had my doubts before, but now I can't think of a single reason not to date her.

Except maybe CJ, but she shouldn't be mad at me. After all, someone has to keep her on her toes. You don't want her to get too comfortable with her job - it could lead to disaster.

Ainsley's half-done with her chicken salad by the time I take one bite of my sandwich. What can I say - I'm a little distracted.

"Sam, is everything all right? You look a little confused. Almost as if, if you don't mind my saying, someone ran over your dog but your parents said you could get a new puppy."

Amazing. This woman is amazing. How she could have picked that up, I... I have no idea. But it's exactly how I feel. Well, not exactly. I wouldn't call Lisa a dog, and Ainsley's more of a kitten than a puppy, but...

"Sam?"

"Hmm?" 

"Is everything okay?"

I finally look up at her, meeting her eyes. "Everything is perfect."

I think she's blushing, but I'm too focused on her eyes to look.

She giggles nervously. "Sam, I think you've finally lost it."

"Ainsley, would you like to go out to dinner with me tomorrow?"

I've stunned her into silence. Seriously, she is frozen in place. After what feels like a minute, she slowly begins to thaw. First, she blinks twice. Then she swallows the food in her mouth. Next, a deep breath. Finally, she smiles. 

"I would, uh, do you think that's a good thing to do?"

I'm so sick of having to worry about what's right or not. That's not even it - I'm sick of having to worry about what will LOOK right or not. "Well, we could always talk about politics and call it a business dinner, but I'd rather not."

Her smile has reached her eyes. "Yes, Sam. I would love to go out to dinner with you tomorrow night."

"Great."

We must look like two lunatics, sitting here and smiling broadly at each other, but I don't care.

"Where do you want to go?" I ask. I take another bite of my club sandwich as she makes her choice.

"Well, there's that new Italian place, Garibaldi's, that I've wanted to try. I read some really positive reviews in the paper last week."

"That sounds great. Is eight o'clock all right?"

She nods, having taken her last bite of salad.

"Okay, I'll see you then," I say, standing and tossing the rest of my sandwich in the garbage. I'm not really hungry anymore.

I pocket my unopened bottle of iced tea and head back upstairs. I have to find Josh.

TBC

AN: See, I told you Ainsley would be in this story. J 


	18. A Pickle in the Mess

Title: Stay Anyway 18/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Sam sees his ex-fiancee Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees.

***** 

"Goodbye stranger it's been nice

Hope you find your paradise

Tried to see your point of view

Hope your dreams will all come true"

- Supertramp, Goodbye Stranger

***** 

I really don't want to be sitting here right now.

Honestly, this is just about the last place I'd like to be.

"It'll be fine," Donna insisted. "I'll make sure Sam is going out to lunch. Don't worry. It'll be fine."

I should have been alarmed by the fact that she kept assuring me it would be fine. Silly me, I didn't listen to my gut instinct.

Well, I did feel guilty saying no to Donna's lunch request. After all, this is our last night together as roomies. The super from my new building called last night and told me the apartment was ready a few days ahead of schedule. Donna seemed a little saddened by the news - I think she liked having a roommate (well, two roommates) for a change. I would have stayed with her longer, but I already feel like I've imposed more than enough... especially after that fight with Sam.

I check my watch. Donna's only two minutes late.

"Mommy! Wook what I colored!" Alex says excitedly, twisting around in my lap to show me the page in his coloring book he's been working on. In the process, he knocks over his small box of crayons.

"Here, let me help," a Southern voice drawls behind me. I look up to see a blonde woman bending down to pick up the spilled Crayolas.

"Thank you so much," I gush, switching Alex to my other leg. Dave was off today so I had to leave the stroller in the lobby with security. "People around here are so kind."

"I know. It surprised me, too, at first," She says, handing Alex the crayons. He smiles up at her and lets out a quiet "Fank you."

"He is adorable," The woman continues, offering me her hand. She looks familiar. I shake it. "I'm Ainsley Hayes. I work here, well, not here in the mess, but in the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue."

"I've never heard of it," I admit truthfully. I KNEW she looked familiar. This is the Republican woman that whipped Sam's butt on that Capitol Beat episode. I remember being strangely proud of her.

"That's just the name of my office. It's a tiny one way down in the basement, where the heat oftentimes works too well and, unfortunately, too noisily."

Ainsley definitely has a unique way of speaking. I like it.

"My name's Lisa, by the way," I tell her as she takes a seat at the table next to me. "And this is my son, Alex."

"It's nice to meet you," She says, smiling. "You, too, Alex."

We settle into silence, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. I watch Alex as he concentrates on coloring a bear in his book.

"So, for whom are you waiting?" She asks congenially. 

"Donna Moss."

"Really?" She seems pleasantly surprised. Perhaps it's at the fact that Donna has a friend outside of the office. "Donna is a great girl."

"Yeah, she is. We've become really good friends." I pause, wondering if I should inquire about her lunch date. I don't have to wonder for long.

"I'm waiting for Sam Seaborn," My stomach tightens. "He's the Deputy Communications Director. We have to go over some final projections for HR 206 before tomorrow's vote."

She seems so nonchalant about it - maybe they aren't dating. If they are, Sam sure didn't mourn our semi-relationship for long. 

I can't help myself. She has no idea who I am anyway. "Are you two dating?"

She blushes slightly. "How'd you know?"

I shrug. That's about all I can muster.

"Well, it's kind-of a hush-hush thing," She admits. "Not too serious or anything. God, I can't believe I'm telling you, a complete stranger, about all this."

"Oh, it's no bother," I say in a fake cheerful tone. I try to unclench my teeth after I see, over her shoulder, Sam walk into the room.

Shoot me now.

He sees me and starts to walk the other way, but then he sees I'm sitting with Ainsley.

Oh boy. I've gotten myself into quite a pickle.

Donna! Help me!

"Hello, Ainsley. I'm sorry I was late. I got held up in a meeting," Sam says, appearing at her side. I wonder for a moment how he can sound so loving towards her and so icy towards me at the same exact time.

"Hi, Sam. It was no big deal. I met a really nice woman while I was waiting. Lisa, this is Sam Seaborn. Sam, this is Lisa and her son Alex."

Neither of us has the heart to tell her we know each other more than she could imagine, so we settle on shaking hands.

"Pleased to meet you," He manages to spit out. Ainsley must be off in her own little lovey-dovey dream world, because she's totally oblivious to the torrential wave of subtext going on between us.

"You guys make a cute couple," Someone is controlling my speaking abilities. Seriously, I don't know where that came from.

"Why thank you," Ainsley says, smiling. The look of confusion on Sam's face must mirror the look on mine. Why oh why did I say that?

"Lisa! Thanks for waiting. I'm sorry I'm so late."

Praise the Lord, it's Donna, and she seems to have successfully assessed the present situation. 

"C'mon, Ainsley. I've changed my mind. The weather's too great to stay indoors. Let's go out and grab something to eat," Sam says, guiding her away from the table by her elbow. Ainsley looks over her shoulder as they leave.

"Bye, Lisa. Bye, Alex. It was a pleasure meeting you."

"Wish I could say the same," I mutter under my breath as Donna takes Ainsley's now-vacated seat.

"Holy Cow, Lisa! I mean, Holy Cow! I am SOOO sorry. I didn't think - Sam was supposed to have a lunch meeting, but..." She trails off as everything clicks into place. "Oh. Will you ever forgive me?"

"Yeah. It's not your fault. It's mine, for even bothering to come here. Donna... this is horrible. I mean, did you SEE what just happened?"

Donna merely nods, looking immensely guilt-ridden.

"And when- when did THAT happen?" I gesture to the doorway the couple departed from a few minutes earlier. "Did I mean that little to him that he started dating right away?"

Donna hands Alex a crayon that rolled out of his grasp. "Josh told me that Sam was going to ask Ainsley out the day you first showed up here."

"Oh," That changes things. Now I feel terrible. I hope I haven't ruined their chance for happiness. Ainsley seemed sweet enough... I'd truly feel rotten if I caused them to break up. Yet, a tiny, microscopic part of me would rejoice in it.

What? I'm only human.

"It's not that serious yet. Just a few dates so far," Donna tries to shrug it off, but I can tell she's hiding something. I decide to drop it.

"So, how're things with you and Josh?"

"You want me to go order you two some lunch? A sandwich? Salad? I think we have Cream of Chicken soup today."

I shake my head at her, smiling. "Fine. Go get some food. You know I'll make you answer my questions when you get back anyway."

"Yeah, I know," She admits. "Chicken soup?"

"Here," I pull out my wallet. "I'll have a soup and salad. Alex, do you want some soup or a chicken sandwich?"

"Sandwidge!" He states excitedly, wiggling around. At least somebody's happy.

I hand Donna a twenty, but she refuses to take it. "Don't worry about it, Lisa. My treat today."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'll be right back."

Donna disappears into the line, leaving Alex and me alone.

"Ith Tham gonna eat wiff us?" He asks, switching crayons. I take a deep breath.

"No, not today, honey."

"Tomorrow?"

"No, not tomorrow either. We probably won't be seeing Sam too much anymore, okay?"

He nods his head, accepting what I told him in the way that only children can.

"Can we see Gwampa tomorrow?"

"I don't know, Sweetie. I'd like to, but there's lots of things you and I have to do. We have to call the movers and move all our stuff into our new home-"

"You mean, no moe Donna?"

"Well, we won't be staying at her house anymore, but we'll still spend time with Donna, okay? And you know what else we have to do? We have to find you a preschool. Doesn't that sound like fun? You get to meet lots of other kids."

By the time Donna returns with our lunches, Alex is no longer upset about not seeing Sam and no longer living with Donna. Instead, we spend our lunch listening to him tell us a story about what he thinks preschool will be like. I don't manage to get much about Josh from Donna, but we're going to have dinner tonight and I'll pump it out of her then.

When we go to leave, Donna gives me a hug. "You're doing just fine without him, Lisa."

Her words mean more to me than she probably expected them to.

TBC


	19. Kiss and a Haircut, Two Bits

Title: Stay Anyway 19/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway…

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation insues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other.

***** 

'You know, a lot of people are under the impression you get to choose who you fall in love with." – Leroy, The Mexican

***** 

I never thought this would happen. Not in a million years.

HR 206 passed earlier this afternoon in a surprisingly not-as-close-as-we-thought-it'd-be vote.

It's a great cause for jubilation. CJ, Toby, Josh, and Donna are going out for dinner and drinks to celebrate. They invited me, but I already had plans with Ainsley.

That's right. This will be our third dinner date (sixth overall, if you count the three lunches) and so far everything is going well. I'm having so much fun with Ainsley that I haven't even thought about Lisa.

Honest.

Well, despite that, life has been great for me since Tuesday afternoon. I haven't laughed this much in… months, it seems, and I can't stop smiling. I think it's doing wonders for my health: I slept for five straight hours last night, and I feel like a new man.

"Sam, are you paying attention?" Ainsley's gentle voice stirs me from my thoughts.

"Hmm?" Man, she looks amazing in that outfit.

"Well, the check came three minutes ago, and you've just been sitting there, staring into space. Is everything all right?"

"Yeah. Yes."

"Do you want to leave?"

"Uh yeah, sure. Yes. That sounds great. I snatch up the check and pull out my wallet, shaking my head slightly to clear away the cobwebs of thought. Ainsley, being the independent woman that she is, insisted that we switch off paying for the meals, which, while at first clashing with my gentlemanly ways, ultimately agreed with my budget.

I reach across the table and wordlessly hand Ainsley one of the peppermints from our check. Our hands brush against each other and there's a tingle of electricity between us.

I go and quickly pay the bill, then come back and stand next to her. "So, what do you want to do now?" I ask after pulling out enough bills to cover the tip. Ainsley smiles shyly.

"I was thinking I could give you a haircut," She offers, eyes twinkling.

I narrow my eyes playfully. "You _really_ don't like my hair, do you?"

"It's too long for you, Sam. It looks much better when it's short."

"Well, then. In that case..." I trail off and extend my hand to her in an overly-chivalrous gesture. "My place, or yours?"

She shrugs and takes my hand. I help her into her coat before slipping on my own. "I bet mine's cleaner," She teases. We make our way to the front of the restaurant.

"Mine's plenty clean!" I defend, holding open the door. For the first time, I notice it's pouring outside.

"Really?" She seems honestly surprised by my words. This will never do. I must defend my self-proclaimed title of "Housekeeper."

"Taxi!" I call, looking down the street before looking over at Ainsley. We're getting drenched, but I don't have an umbrella or anything. Stupid meteorologists. "I'll show you how clean my apartment is. I bet you ten dollars it's cleaner than yours."

"And how are we going to judge that?"

"I don't know. I'll trust your judgment."

"You will? We Republicans are known to be penny-pinchers," She jokes.

"I trust you," I state in a much-too-serious voice. To maintain the levity, I stick my tongue out. Ainsley rolls her eyes and shakes her head at me.

"Sam, sometimes, I'm afraid, you act even younger than you look."

Exactly seventeen minutes later I am fumbling with my keychain outside of my apartment. We are both dripping water all over the hallway carpet. I pick up the keys after they slip from my wet fingers, find the key, and unlock the door, swinging it open with a grand motion. "Come enter my humble abode, Ainsley."

She smiles and slowly walks in. I can't tell if it's shyness or caution. Maybe a little of both.

"It's nice, Sam. It's a nice place," She compliments, slowly spinning around and examining the room. She starts to take off her soggy coat.

"Thanks. I'd like to live here someday."

She turns to look at me and flashes me another one of her smiles. I smile back, momentarily forgetting how to be a good host and just reveling in the warmth of the moment.

"Oh!" My manners come rushing back. "Are you hungry or thirsty? I think I have -"

"No, I'm fine, Sam. We just came from dinner, remember?"

I nod dumbly, feeling my heart racing. 

"I, uh, if you want, I could toss your clothes in the dryer for a bit. I have some sweatpants, or a robe you could wear. You could even pretend you've sat in paint again."

Now it's her turn to stick her tongue out. "That sounds great. I feel like a drowned animal of some sort."

"I'll be right back." I smile and disappear into my room. Would a robe be construed as more intimate than a sweat suit? I don't know; I've never been good at these sort of cultural rules. I quickly dig out two parts of sweat pants and two sweatshirts. I'll give Ainsley the robe, too, just to cover the bases.

I peel off my wet clothes and change in record time. Seconds later I'm back in the living room, wet clothes in one hand, dry in the other. 

"Thank you, Sam," She says sincerely, accepting my offer.

"You're welcome. The bathroom is down the hallway, first door on the left."

She nods and squishes down the hallway. I put my wet stuff in the dryer and go back into the living room. The silence becomes too much to take, and I turn the stereo on low, searching for a jazz station. A long time ago Josh and I came to the conclusion that jazz was always the way to go on a date.

I need all the help I can get, too. Right now I'm trying not to picture her changing in my bathroom. We need to be careful. We're starting to enter uncharted territory.

"So, do you want to do it in here, or the kitchen?"

What?!?

"What?!?" My voice is, I swear to God, three octaves higher than normal.

"The haircut. You know. Do you want to do it in here, or the kitchen? The clean-up would, in my opinion, be easier in the kitchen, but anywhere is fine."

Oh.

"Yeah, the kitchen's fine. Here, I'll take your clothes," I take her bundle of dripping articles of clothing and toss them in the dryer with mine.

I make a detour to the bathroom, where I grab a few towels and a comb. Back in the living room, Ainsley has picked up some safety pins and a pair of scissors from my desk.

"These will have to do," She says, following me into the kitchen. I pull a chair from the table and place it in the middle of the room. 

"Sit," She instructs. I nod obediently and seat myself in the chair. I'm strangely excited right now.

She sets to work, first pinning the towels around my neck. After that, she starts to comb through my hair, a process which takes a matter of seconds.

"Do you cut hair a lot?" I ask after a moment of silence. I hear the scissors being opened.

"I used to. I had four younger brothers and sisters, and to save money my mom taught me how to cut hair."

I nod, gaining a clucking sound from the woman behind me. "Don't move, Sam. Unless you want a lopsided hairdo."

I smile, deciding I wouldn't really mind it that much.

For a while, the only sounds I hear are the clacking noises of the scissors and the quiet jazz music from the other room. It occurs to me how extremely romantic this whole thing is.

Ainsley suddenly stops cutting and pulls a chair in front of me. Our faces are inches from each other.

"Hello."

"Hello, Sam. How're you doing?" She plays along, smiling shyly. I smile back and watch her work in fascination. The tip of her tongue is sticking out of the corner of her mouth as she concentrates. It's absolutely adorable. She leans forward slightly to comb out what I suppose are considered my bangs. As she reaches up with the scissors to start cutting, I lean forward and kiss her, taking both of us by surprise.

The surprise doesn't last long, however, and the kiss soon deepens. It isn't our first, but I'd say it's our first real one. I haven't wanted to rush anything.

And oh, is it worth the wait! She tastes heavenly - a bit like honey, actually. As our tongues meet, I hear the scissors clatter to the ground. She puts her hands on my face, drawing me closer to her.

Knock.

At first, neither of us heard the knock at the door. Then it came again, louder and longer.

Dammit.

"Hang on," I say breathlessly, reluctantly breaking our kiss. I walk over to the door while brushing hair off of my shirt, feeling Ainsley's eyes on me. I look through the peephole.

"You've got to be kidding me," I mutter. Then I swing open the door.

TBC


	20. Unexpected News

Title: Stay Anyway 20/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

AN: Okay, sorry this is so late. My friend from out of town is visiting this weekend, and let's just say the day's events included pizza, TCBY, a closed mall, and a flat tire.

Disclaimers & Other Notes in Part 1

Previously, in Stay Anyway...  
Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them.

***** 

"Woe, for unnumbered are the ills we bear." - Chorus, Oedipus Rex

***** 

I have to say, despite myself, that life without Sam the second time around has been going well, much more smoothly than the first time. 

It's strange.

Alex and I have settled into our new apartment. All of the utlities have been turned on, and I've even managed to unpack about 54% of the boxes littering our living space.

Alex and I are both excited about Monday, too. Monday, I start my job, and my little son starts daycare. I feel simultaneously horrible and happy about this latest development. I feel guilty about leaving him during the day, but we can't live forever off of savings. Back in Pennsylvania, my neighbor and best friend Kelly had taken care of Alex while I worked. She had two little ones of her own and didn't mind it at all. I paid her of course, but, after looking at the applications for this daycare center, I have realized I was robbing her. Either that, or they're robbing me.

Probably a little of both.

Anyway, Alex is excited about meeting some kids his own age. I can tell he misses Haley and Logan (Kelly's two kids), and I know the socializing will do him good.

It's that thought that assuages my guilt about "abandoning" him.

My social life, in the meantime, hasn't been very active. I've talked to Donna three times since we moved in, and she's been keeping me up to date with her life. I'm very excited about the recent advancement of her and Josh's relationship. They both deserve to be happy. I don't think I'll be seeing much of her anymore, though. I'll be busy with Alex and my job, and she'll be busy with Josh and her job, and time will gradually get away from us. Nevertheless, I'm hoping to keep our friendship alive.

As for my romantic social life, I've planned a funeral. I suppose that's the best for us. I mean, I had been placing my wants above those of my son, and that was just shameful. I'm glad I broke things off with Sam before we became remotely serious. I don't need any more complications in my life right now.

I stir the soup on the stove and open the cabinet to pull out the box of Saltines.

"Mommy?" Alex asks from his spot at the kitchen table. The poor kid had been feeling sick all day.

I turn around and feel his forehead. "Hmm?"

"I don't feel good."

"I know, sweetie," I pick him up and hug him to me. "Does your tummy still hurt?"

"Mmm-hmm," He says solemnly. "And my froat." His little pout breaks my heart.

"Okay. Let me finish the soup and we'll go look for some medicine, all right?"

He nods and buries his face in my shoulder. I shift him slightly to stir the soup before turning it off. I carry him across the apartment to the bathroom and swing open the medicine cabinet.

"Hmm... something for a sore tummy and a sore throat," I say quietly as I thumb through the different medications in the cabinet. Finding a children's cough syrup, I pull it out triumphanty and unscrew the lid singlehandedly (In the past two and a half years, I've learned how to do a lot with only one hand).

I peer inside the bottle to find, to my disappointment, that it's empty.

"Why on earth would I keep an empty bottle? I hate when people do that!"

Nevertheless, the bottle remains empty. I quickly search the cabinet for another, but, finding none, go back to the kitchen.

"Okay, Alex. Here's the game plan. We eat some dinner, you get some 7Up in a bottle, and we go to the nearest pharmacy to get you some medicine to make you feel better. Okay?"

I place him back in his chair and kiss the top of his head. I serve the soup and help Alex eat his. Then I clean him up, pour him a bottle of 7Up, put our coats on, strap him in the stroller, grab my purse and the diaperbag, and snatch up my keys from the table.

Just as I'm about to leave, the phone rings.

"Great," I mutter. I wheel the stroller back into the apartment and run to the phone.

"Hello?" I answer, slightly out of breath. 

"Hello. Is this Ms. Lisa Prescott?"

"Yes." 

"Hi, Ms. Prescott. It's Jarod, from the Institute of Better Mental Health and Maintenance."

My stomach knots at the formality and its implications. "Hi, Jarod. What happened?"

The voice on the other end takes a deep breath - never a good sign. "Are you sitting down, Ms. Prescott?"

I actually am. Without even realizing it, I had sank into the nearest chair as soon as I'd heard it was the Institute.

Please not now. Please not tonight.

"Ms. Prescott, I'm afraid I have some bad news. About thirty minutes ago, your father had a heart attack. Our staff and the paramedics worked hard to recessitate him, but he died en route to the hospital."

He continues talking, but I am no longer able to hear the words. It takes a moment for it to sink in, and then I come back to my senses.

"- his blood pressure had dropped to-"

"Excuse me," I interrupt, feeling dizzy and confused. "Can I call you back later?"

"Huh? Oh yes. Of course, Ms. Prescott. I, and all of the caregivers and doctors at the Institute for Better Mental Health and Maintenance, offer my condolences."

I hang up the phone without a thank you. My mind is racing, and I swear to God the room is spinning. I raise a hand to my head to sturdy myself as the tears start flowing.

I cry quietly for a good three minutes before Alex, still strapped in his stroller, grows tired of waiting and asks "Mommy? Why are woo thad?"

I shake my head and reach over to pull the stroller to me. I unbuckle Alex, pull him into my lap, and hold him tight. He wiggles in protest for a few minutes, then accepts his fate and sits quietly.

I cannot believe this. My father is dead. I am parentless, I am an orphan.

Even though the Alzheimer's had been taking a toll on him for the past three years, the diabetes even longer, I still never thought of my dad as mortal. He has always been strong, infalliable. Death could never get past his strong will to live, his stubborn refusal to leave his baby girl alone on the planet. He was never supposed to die.

Childish hopes. And I'm already thinking of him in the past tense. Maybe because it's not that recent of a change. When had it happened? Sometime after the decision was made to put him in the nursing home, I suppose. He had lost something even before that, a necessary and vital part of him had withered away into nothingness.

What makes me even sadder than confronting his death is the fact that I missed it. I've now missed both of my parents' deaths, twice missed the chance to hold their hand as they passed onto the afterlife. After caring for them for so long, after everything I had sacrificed to be there for them... none of it mattered. In the end, I had abandoned both of them. When Mom died, I was in the next room. Now for Dad, I was about twenty miles away. The distance doesn't matter, though, because no matter how I can spin it, I was absent in their final moment of need.

I don't even remember what Mom's last words were to me. I think they were something simple, like "Water, please." By that time, she was too weak to say much more. For months after she died, I agonized over trying to remember what I had said to her last. I think I decided I said something along the lines of, "I'll be right back," because I had to go to the bathroom. And, just like that, Dad knocked on the bathroom door to tell me, as I was washing my hands, that he thought Mom wasn't breathing anymore.

I wipe the tears from my eyes with one hand, and place Alex back in his stroller. Unlike with my mom, I can remember clearly what my last conversation with my dad was like.

"Jennifer, I want you to remember that I love you." He had been calling me 'Jennifer' off and on since the Alzheimer's hit. Even before that, he would occasionally slip up. My mom told me once that they almost named me 'Jennifer,' that Dad had campaigned for that name, but ultimately agreed on 'Lisa.' So I didn't mind it as much as I might have.

Still, it hurt. "Okay, Dad. I love you, too."

That was it. That was all I said. Simple. And yet... I still don't feel any closure. At least it's better than with Mom - at least he knew that I loved him, no matter what he thought my name was, he knew that I loved him, and he loved me.

I choke back a sob and pick up the phone. I need to talk to someone.

I dial Donna's number automatically. It rings. And rings. And rings. Apparently, she's not home.

Beep. "Hi, Donna," I hope my voice isn't as shaky as it sounds. "I, uh... I just needed to talk to you, that's all. I, uh, I just found out that my dad died, and I, um, I just felt like talking. That's okay, though. I'll talk to you when you get home. Bye."

I hang up the phone, feeling like an idiot, and turn it back on. I dial Kelly's number, at first forgetting the area code and having to redial. It rings twice before someone picks up. 

"Hello?"

"Hi. Haley? Is that you? It's Lisa."

"Hi, Lisa! Mommy isn't home right now. Do you want to talk to Daddy? He's in the kitchen making dinner."

"No, that's okay, Hayley. Just tell your mom I called, okay?"

"Okay. Goodbye."

"Bye," I hang up the phone. I try to think of someone else to call, but there's no one. It's pretty sad how my entire repertoire of friends could be summed up with two phone calls. Is this all that's become of my life?

I suddenly grow astoundingly restless. I need to move. I start pacing the apartment, but after a few laps I decide it's too small.

I remember that I have my coat on, and so does Alex, and he is sitting in his stroller. 

"Okay, Alex. We're going for a walk. We're going to go get you some medicine, and Mommy is going to calm down."

It's only when we're about two blocks from the building that I realize it's raining. Hmm. I slip my coat off and cover Alex - even though he has a doctor's appointment tomorrow, there's no need for him to get any sicker.

I keep walking through the pouring rain until I no longer recognize the streets around me. A sudden terror sweeps over me. I thought I was on the right road to the pharmacy, but apparently not.

I keep walking, though, knowing that eventually I'll come across a corner drugstore. This is Washington, DC, our nation's capital. There has to be a pharmacy nearby.

I stop at a corner to check Alex (he's asleep), and all at once I recognize where I am. I don't know how I got here, but I definitely recognize the building across the street. Donna had pointed it out to me one day when we happened to be driving past.

Without any conscious decision, I find myself pushing the stroller across the street. I carry it up a flight of stairs and find apartment 27 all without a second thought. It's almost like I've been here before, but I know for a fact that I have not.

Before I know what I'm doing, I raise my hand and knock on the door. There's no answer at first, but I knock again, louder and longer this time. I need to talk to him, I have to tell him. Just in case something were to happen to me... Someone has to know - he has to know.

The door swings open and he stares at me, half of his hair longer than the other. He is wearing a sweat suit and a look of angry surprise.

"Lisa?"

"Hi, Sam."

TBC


	21. Bad Timing

Title: Stay Anyway 21/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway...

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building.

***** 

"Time is like a river made up of the events which happen, and its current is strong; no sooner does anything appear than it is swept away, and another comes in its place, and will be swept away too. " - Marcus Aurelius Antoninus, Meditations

***** 

"Lisa!" I hiss, only opening the door halfway. What is she doing here? She's going to ruin everything. I look back at Ainsley, who has busied herself with sweeping the hair from the floor.

I desperately want to get back to our kiss.

"Sam, I... I don't know exactly what I'm doing here..."

For the first time, I realize how horrible she looks. She's absolutely drenched and starting to shiver (I recognize her jacket on the stroller) and her eyes are red. Something is definitely not right.

I close the door almost all the way. "I'll be back in a minute," I call over my shoulder and join Lisa in the hallway, shutting the door behind me.

"What is it?" We both notice the harsh, impatient tone of my voice. 

She looks uncertain. Scared, even. And extraordinarily sad. Despite the current state of our relationship, I feel worried about her.

"Sam, I... I don't know why I'm here. I don't even know how I got here," For some reason she refuses to meet my eyes. I can't tell if she's crying or it's just the raindrops on her face.

"What is it, Lisa? What happened?"

She lowers her gaze and stares at her feet for a moment before swiping at her eyes.

"Oh, noth- nothing happened," She sniffs. "I just, uh, I wanted you to know how sorry am I. I acted so mean and hurtful, and there's no excuse for that. I was wrong, and I'm sorry."

I don't quite know how to respond to that.

"I also wanted to tell you something. I _have_ to tell you two things, actually... just in case something happens to me, just so you know... I never stopped loving you either."

Oh.

My brain isn't functioning at its normal capacity.

"Okay. Okay," I'm nodding like an idiot. "And the second thing?" My voice is freakishly calm.

She looks slightly embarrassed and very guilty. "Well, the second thing, you see, is that-"

I must have the worst timing in the world, because it's at this point that the door opens behind me and Ainsley pops her head out. "Sam, is everything-" Her query abruptly ends when she takes in the scene before her.

What do I do now?

"Ainsley-"

"Lisa?!? What are _you_ doing here?" She's not upset yet, just confused. Lisa stares down at her feet.

"Ainsley, there's uh," I cough, clearing my throat. "There's something I didn't tell you. You introduced us the other day and we pretended not to know each other, but, ah... well... Lisa is my ex-fiancée."

Comprehension dawns on both of their faces. I wonder for a moment why Lisa, too, is upset, then remember that Ainsley is wearing a robe. 

I feel like the biggest jerk in the world.

"Oh," Ainsley says after a moment, playing with the belt of the aforementioned robe.

"I'm sorry. I was just leaving," Lisa mumbles, swiftly turning the stroller around.

"No, Lisa, wait!" I call out suddenly. I'm about to run after her, but I remember that Ainsley is standing next to me. I want to be in two places at once, but I know I can't. I feel sick to my stomach.

We stand in the hallway for a minute or two after Lisa disappears from sight. I wonder if I should be the one to break the silence.

Ainsley beats me to it.

"What was that about?"

TBC


	22. Cold, Wet, and Lonely

Title: Stay Anyway 22/?  
  
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)  
  
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1  
  
Previously, in Stay Anyway...  
  
Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takesAlex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened.  
  
*****  
  
"Loneliness is everything it's cracked up to be." – Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce, M*A*S*H  
  
*****  
  
Stupid Ainsley. Stupid Sam. Stupid Me.  
  
God, what was I thinking? If Sam wasn't out celebrating with Josh and Donna, then of course he was at home celebrating with Ainsley. And she even came to the door in a robe!  
  
Oh man.  
  
This is so monumentally bad. I shouldn't have gone over there tonight.  
  
The only problem is, I don't know where I should have gone instead. I don't know where I should go now, either. I'm starting to feel lost, and for the first time I'm noticing how cold it is and how far apart the street lamps are.  
  
I haven't felt this alone since Mom died. But even then, even then I had Dad. And now...  
  
Shifting all other thoughts out of my head, I focus solely on getting back to familiar territory and getting Alex and myself warm and dry.  
  
A thought pops into my brain from out of nowhere: Alex needs cough syrup. Yes, I remember that now. I was going to go get some when I came out in this storm. How easily the mind forgets.  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
"What, sweetie?"  
  
"I'm tired."  
  
"I know, honey. We have to stop and get some medicine, and then we'll go home. I promise Mommy will stop acting so crazy."  
  
This satisfies Alex, and he settles back into the stroller. We cross another street, and I suddenly recognize our surroundings. If memory serves me right, there's a convenience store a block ahead.  
  
Sure enough, a blinking neon sign indicates that Buy N Save is open. I open the door and pull the stroller in behind me. We make a beeline for the medicine section, and I put a box of Robotussin on top of Alex's stroller.  
  
The black man at the counter smiles at me as he rings up my purchase. "Five thirteen."  
  
I dig through my purse for a ten, but, finding none, hand him a twenty. "For future reference, would you happen to know where the nearest pharmacy is?"  
  
"Certainly, ma'am. It's two and a half blocks southeast from here."  
  
"Ah. Thank you." I make a mental note as I shove the change and the box in my purse and smile at the man before leaving.  
  
Outside, the rain has let up ever-so-slightly. I pick up the pace and manage to get Alex and myself home before the next torrential downpour.  
  
As soon as we're in the apartment, I take Alex out of the stroller. My jacket has managed to keep most of the cold water off of him, but he's still soggy. I take him to the bedroom to get some warm, dry clothes, and then head to the bathroom.  
  
He's awake by the time the bathtub is filled with warm, sudsy water. "A baff!" He exclaims happily as I plop him in the midst of the bubbles. Usually, I love giving him baths as much as he likes taking them, but tonight there's something mechanical about my approach. I hand him his rubber duck and put a bubble on his nose. He giggles, then coughs. It tears at my heart. The poor kid.  
  
Half an hour later he's warm, dry, and tucked cozily in his bed. Thankfully, he fell back to sleep before I could even finish dressing him. Alex is so worn out from this sudden onslaught of a cold that it makes me worry.  
  
I don't stop worrying when I grab a sweat suit, socks, underwear, and slippers and take a long, hot shower. I hear the phone ring in the living room, but I make no move to answer it; I merely hope it doesn't wake Alex. It doesn't.  
  
For some reason, I still can't get warm. Despite my layers of clothes, I'm still shivering. I make a pot of coffee, figuring sleep and I aren't on speaking terms anyway, and settle into the couch.  
  
Snatching up the phone, I make two impromptu calls: one to my new work to tell them there's been a death in the family, and I'll need a few days off, and the second to Alex's preschool, to relay essentially the same message. Then I dial the all-too-familiar number of the Institute and wait to be patched through to a human. It takes a few minutes before I hear a female voice say, "Hello. Darcy speaking. How may I help you?"  
  
"Hi, this is Lisa Prescott," I start, already on autopilot. "My father died earlier tonight and I was wondering what the, uh, correct procedure is. In this case."  
  
I listen attentively as Darcy explains what had happened and what should happen. She instructs me to come in tomorrow, and I set up an appointment for four o'clock. Then she informs me how sorry she is for my loss and says goodbye.  
  
I hang up the phone, then turn it back on and wait for it to be off the hook. Then I throw it to the other side of the sofa. I know I should call my parents' friends and distant relatives, but right now I simply don't have the energy to do the polite thing.  
  
Instead, I curl up into a ball and, shaking, start to cry.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	23. Ainsley the Altruist

Title: Stay Anyway 23/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway...

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears.

***** 

"Who's got my back now?

When all we have left is deceptive

So disconnected

So what is the truth now?"

- Creed, Who's Got my Back Now?

***** 

"I don't want to talk about it," I say tiredly, walking past Ainsley to get back inside my apartment. I silently will her to drop it, to just let it go. Water under the bridge.

I sink into the couch and put my head in my hands. I hear the door click closed, but don't turn around to look at her. "Sam... please be honest with me."

"I am being honest. I don't want to talk about it. Not now... not ever."

"Sam..." Her voice carries with it a warning. I'm going to blow everything, absolutely everything, if I don't talk about it now.

I CAN'T talk about it now. Can't she understand? I don't even know what just happened, where this fits in the whole mess of whatever Lisa and I have between us. I'm not even sure I WANT to know, even if I could understand it. And if I can't understand it, I don't want to try to explain it to someone else.

"Ainsley," I start with a sigh. I look up at the woman wearing my sweats and robe, the woman whose arms are crossed in front of her, patiently waiting for me to spill the beans about my past. "Please don't make me do this right now."

She nods sadly and walks over to the dryer. She pulls out what are presumably her clothes and disappears into the bathroom. Crap! I'm losing her, and I don't know how to get her back, how to fix this.

I don't know what to do.

"Ainsley," I try to appeal to her as she re-enters the living room, looking slightly damp.

"Sam," She walks over to me and puts her hand on my shoulder. She reaches up and kisses my cheek. "Sam, I won't lie to you. I thought we could have had something special."

She turns to leave. "I'll see you later."

She opens the door before I find my voice long enough to yell, "Wait!"

She spins to look at me. "Wait," I repeat, steadying my shaky voice. "Close the door. I'm not going to lose you, too."

She nods, slightly dumbfounded, and I motion her over to the couch. I start talking before she even sits down next to me.

"Lisa and I were engaged to be married in 1998. The eighth, actually, because she liked the idea of 9-8-98. I loved her a lot, but... we were going through hard times. Her mom was sick, and Lisa was traveling between New York and Pennsylvania every weekend. I wasn't happy at work, I never saw my fiancée, and ... that's when Josh came. He told me about Bartlet, and I went to Nashua to see him, and ... I've never let myself look back."

"And...?"

"And what?"

"Just out of curiosity- where does Alex fit into all this?"

"Alex?" I'm confused. "Well, he's two years old. I feel guilty that I ruined Lisa's life, but ... she said I shouldn't be. He was conceived after we broke up – a fling, Lisa said."

"Are you sure?" Ainsley's voice is so gentle that it takes a moment to register what she said.

"Wh- what do you mean?" My mind starts to race, and my heart beats faster.

"I don't know, but – maybe she was rounding his age. Maybe he's older than you thought. I mean, it's around two years old that moms stop doing the whole how-many-months-old thing."

It takes a moment to respond. "No way." Despite my iron-clad policy of denial, the memory of Lisa's second thing she had to tell me creeps into my brain. Maybe...

"Sam, he might be your son. He probably is. But, how will you ever be sure if you don't ask Lisa?"

"But-"

"No. Listen. I know you thought it'd make me stay, but your telling me all this ... I don't want to compete with a family-"

I open my mouth to object, but she continues before I can. "Even if you're not his father, you still... there's something special between you and Lisa. I tried to ignore it in the mess, but now... now it all makes sense, it's all so blatantly obvious. It was fun while it lasted, Sam, but your heart was never in our relationship – it was somewhere else." She leans forward and softly kisses my forehead. "Now we both know where."

With that, she leaves the apartment, quietly closing the door behind her.

I want to walk over to the door, but my legs won't move. My brain is busy comprehending what has happened in the past ten minutes.

One minute I was kissing Ainsley, the next Lisa was telling me she loved me. That's enough to boggle the mind right there. But no, the situation had to go and get more complicated.

What did she mean, my heart wasn't in our relationship? It was. I was having such a good time, I liked Ainsley so much that I had forgotten about all my problems with Lisa.

Oh.

Well... now what do I do?

I spot the phone from across the room and dazedly make my way over to it. I dial Donna's number.

Ring. Ring. Ri-

"Hello?" A breathless voice picks up during the third ring.

"Donna?"

"Oh, hey, Sam. Listen, is it an emergency? 'Cause I was kind of in the middle of something."

"Well actually..." I trail off when I hear what is unmistakably Josh's voice instruct Donna to hang up the phone.

"Is that Josh?"

"Um... yeah."

It all sinks in. "Ohh. Well, I take it you've patched everything up then."

"Yeah," Donna sounds slightly distracted.

"Congratulations."

"Thanks."

"Listen, I'll be quick then. Has Lisa called you? She was just here and was pretty upset, and I don't have her phone number."

"Hang on," Donna puts the telephone down and Josh picks it up.

"Hey, Sam. What's up? How'd your date go with Ainsley?"

Um. "It went well... up to a certain point. Then-"

Donna returns, and apparently snatches the phone back from Josh. "Sam, she left me a message about half an hour ago." She pauses. "She said her dad died."

What?

Wow. I never expected that.

"Really? Anything else?"

Donna sounds guilty. "She said she wanted to talk to me. God, Sam, her dad just died and she needed a friend, and I was out having drinks with Josh. I'm a horrible person."

"No you're not," Josh and I say in unison. 

"That's nonsense, Donna. I'm the idiot that let her walk away in the rain," I take a deep breath, trying to overcome the guilt. She was shivering, she was hurt, and I just let her walk away. "Donna, do you have her phone number?"

"Yeah," She reads it off, then suddenly exclaims, "Wait, I'll do a three-way call!"

There's a click and then another, and I can hear a phone ringing. "Sam?"

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Okay."

Ring. Ring. Ring. "Hello. You've reached the Prescott residence. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

"Lisa, it's Donna. I'm just calling you back. Please call me when you get home. I'm here for you."

With that, two more clicks, and then it's just Donna and me.

"Please let me know if she's okay. Can you go stop by her place? It's 721 Foster Avenue, Apartment 16. Josh and I will be over in a few minutes."

"No. You don't have to, Donna. I didn't mean to interrupt your date or anything. I'll go find Lisa. She probably isn't even home yet. It'll be all right."

"Okay," She doesn't sound too convinced, but I get the impression that Josh is doing his best to convince her to stay, too. Somehow, I think he'll be more persuasive than I'll ever be.

"I'll call you later, Donna. And call me if you have any news about Lisa."

"Okay. Good luck, Sam."

"Bye."

I hang up the phone and run my hand through my hair. It's a decent walk from here to Foster Avenue; it's possible she isn't home yet.

I grab my wallet and jog out the door. 

TBC


	24. Home Movies

Title: Stay Anyway 24/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway...

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment.

***** 

"I try to fool myself in believing

Things are going to get better

But life goes on

Should I stay or go

Should I sleep or stay awake

Am I really happy or is it all

Just an illusion"

- Illusion, Creed

***** 

I used to crave silence, back when Dad's TV would be blasting loud enough to hear in the back yard and Alex's cries of pain from teething could shatter glass. But even then, when I'd lie alone in bed at night, trying to fall asleep… even then, when I would finally get what I wanted… the silence was too much to bear.

I look around me in the dark apartment and wonder, not for the first time, just what in the hell has become of me. I never imagined my life could be like this – so dark and so… quiet. So utterly empty.

The sole purpose of my life, my entire existence, is contained within the four thin walls of the tiny bedroom down the hall. Alexander is the only reason I get up in the morning, the only reason I don't unscrew a bottle of tequila and forget about the monumentally depressing day – hell, make that 'years' – I've had.

I stand up and start pacing. Really, he's all I have. I've given up everything else- my friends, career, co-workers, neighbors. Everything that remotely resembled my life is sitting back in Pennsylvania. I made a fresh start and, after effectively screwing that up, all I'm left with is Alex and me… and I'm not too sure I like what I've become. I was so strong, so sure, I had a plan before I moved to DC. Now I don't even have that.

I'll start small – let's focus on planning this weekend. I suppose I'll have to have the funeral on Monday. That means I'll have to head back up on Sunday, or maybe Saturday night, after Alex's doctor appointment and my appointment with the Institute. I could make good time if I leave at night. On the other hand, I probably won't be in the best mindset for driving after that meeting. Sunday it is.

I sigh and rub my eyes. I must have cried for a good fifteen minutes straight before. It felt cleansing at the time, but now all I have are red eyes and a huge headache. I stop pacing and go to the bathroom in search of some acetaminophen.

I grab a bottled water from the fridge, half-expecting that, if I concentrate hard enough, I can perform a miracle and turn it into wine. Despite my efforts, the metamorphosis does not occur. With a dejected sigh, I head back into the living room, plop down on the couch, and grab the remote. I need a major distraction, but there's a box in front of the TV. Groaning, I get back up and lift up the offending box, placing it a few feet closer to its relatives in the corner- the only thing worse than packing is unpacking. The top is open and when I put it back down I notice my videotape collection inside.

A sudden, inexplicable bout of nostalgia overwhelms me, and I yank out the first home movie I find. Popping it into the VCR, I settle back into the couch with my bottle of imaginary wine.

After some initial auto-tracking, the back yard of my parents' house comes into view. There are a few people I don't recognize at first – distant relatives I'll be seeing this weekend, I suppose – crowding around a picnic table. A gust of wind blows on a banner hanging over the back door and folds it over on top of itself. My mom walks out of the back door, notices the banner is messed up, and jumps up and down, trying to swipe at the part that's folded over. The frame shakes, and I can hear my dad – the cameraman- gently laughing at her attempts. There's a shuffle and a quiet request before I see my dad striding across the back yard and joining my mother on the porch. Raising his arm, he easily pulls the banner back down.

'HAPPY COLLEGE GRADUATION, LISA!' It screams in capital red letters.

I hear a fit of coughing from Alex's room and, unable to locate the VCR remote, let the tape continue playing as I go in to check on him. As long as he's up, I take his temperature. He feels warm, but he doesn't have a fever so I don't feel too worried. I pour him some cough syrup, and he actually drinks it without a fuss. He must be feeling sick.

I lay with him until he falls back to sleep – it doesn't take long.

Walking back into the living room, I hear Sam's voice. It startles me at first, until I realize that it's from the tape. The scene playing out on my TV screen is now from my parents' thirtieth wedding anniversary party. A younger Sam is standing next to a younger me, holding hands and smiling into the camera. 

"Edward, Rose – I just want to say what an extraordinary occasion this is. It's getting harder and harder to find such a loving couple that's still happily married after all these years, and for that, I salute you," He did a mock salute with the hand that was holding mine, then kept our hands in view of the camera, turning them to show off the engagement rings. The young me giggled happily and leaned up to kiss his cheek. "And let me add that you are terrific role models. God willing, our marriage will be as joyous and long-lasting as yours."

The camera switches to my uncle Bernie, and I take a swig of water. Maybe this isn't the best thing to be watching right now. I'm depressed enough as it is. Yeah, this was a brilliant idea – let's rub some salt in the fresh wounds.

Nonetheless, I can't bring myself to turn it off. Instead, I watch, eyes glued to the screen, as it turns to static, then resumes taping in front of a piñata. My dad spins my blindfolded mom and she stumbles before taking three unsuccessful swings. Laughing, she hands the blindfold and bat to my dad and spins him. He manages to hit the target the second time, but doesn't smack it hard enough to crack it open.

The crowd insists that it's my turn next, and I'm laughing as Sam blindfolds me. He hands me the bat and spins me around. He kisses me on the forehead and gently pushes me in the right direction. I wobble slightly and, three swings later, have managed to whack the swinging piñata once.

Next it's Sam's turn. I spin him around five times and send him forward. Unfortunately, he is a bit dizzy and, before anyone can stop him, he takes a few steps in the wrong direction, brings the bat over his head, winds up for the hit, and BAM! Instead of smashing open the piñata, Sam had wandered over to the table and obliterated the large chocolate sheet cake. 

Despite my mood, I find myself laughing at the chaos on the screen. I had totally forgotten about that mess.

I watch my dad remove the healthy piñata from its perch and stamp it open. A few scattered young children pounce on the freed candy. In the background I can see my younger self laughing and helping a red-faced Sam clean the splattered cake off of his white polo shirt.

The camera turns and zooms in on my parents. They're standing by the remnants of the piñata, lip-locked and looking totally in love.

The sight makes my heart ache, both for them and for me.

Will I ever find that happiness? Or have I foolishly let it slip out of my grasp? I feel so selfish.

Either way, I make up my mind right then and there. I'll give my new office the two week's notice they need, and as soon as I can I'll head back to Pennsylvania. I know I can't get the old house back, but even if I could I don't know if I'd want it. There are too many memories in that house. It's about time I get a new place, make a new home. I may not be able to provide Alex with the best family, but I know I can at least give him a nice house with a big yard. He deserves better than a cramped apartment in a crime-infested city and a mother hung up on the past.

The tape goes to static again, but for longer this time. I think it's over.

I rub my eyes, suddenly tired, and get up to turn off the TV and VCR and go to bed. As I'm pressing the power button, there's a knock on the door.

I wonder who that could possibly be. Maybe it's Donna. I remember as I walk to the door that I took the phone off the hook – maybe she got my message and was worried.

I peer through the peephole and my throat tightens. I'm too tired to deal with this, too weak to have to defend my reasoning.

Keeping the chain on, I open the door a crack.

"Sam, what do you want?" I ask tiredly,

He stares at me a moment, startled. "I want to talk to you."

I close the door in his face.

TBC


	25. Interrupting Kiss

Title: Stay Anyway 25/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

__

Previously, in Stay Anyway...

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment. Lisa watches home movies and, becoming depressed, decides to move back to Pennsylvania after the funeral. She's about to go to sleep when Sam knocks on the door.

***** 

"No creature would willingly make an idiot out of itself." "Obviously, you've never been in love." – Worm King and Fry, Futurama

***** 

I don't know where this sudden burst of energy has come from, but I'm ready to sweet talk my way into Lisa's apartment no matter how long it takes.

At the rate I'm goiing, it might actually take all night.

"Sam, please, I'm too tired to get into our whole mess again tonight," Lisa says when I knock on the door for the second time. I still can't believe she closed it in my face.

"I'm not going anywhere," I state simply and sit down on the floor in front of her door. She needs a friend, and I'm here for her. I'll wait. I lean my head back up against the door and try to formulate another idea. There has to be something I can say to convince her to let me in.

Unfortunately, nothing is coming to mind.

So I sit. And wait. If I know Lisa half as well as I think I do, she won't let me sit out here too long. No matter how much she doesn't want to talk to me, her conscience won't let her rest if she leaves me outside all night.

Bingo. The door opens suddenly, and I fall backwards into her apartment, my head coming to rest next to her fuzzy pink slipper. After the initial shock wears off, I look up at her and smile sheepishly. She stares down at me, her face a mask. 

I notice the redness of her eyes as I pull myself to my feet. "Here," I say, suddenly shy. I thrust a wet bouquet of flowers in her hands. "For you. As an apology for me being such a jerk before."

I can't decipher any facial changes, but she silently accepts the flowers and goes into the kitchen to, presumably, find a vase. I linger uncomfortably around the door, clutching the white plastic bag in my hands.

"You can sit down, Sam," She informs me. I hesitate at the exhaustion evident in her voice – maybe I really should leave her alone tonight.

Nah. She needs company, and I need to talk with her. "I brought something for Alex. Is he sleeping?"

She comes back into the room and places the vase on the coffee table in front of the couch. "Yes, he's out like a light. Poor soul has a bad cold. I'm taking him to the doctor tomorrow."

I nod, absorbing the information as she makes her way back over to me. I put the bag down on the floor, then remove my dripping coat, holding it out in front of me uncertainly.

"Are you going to sit down?"

"Well, uh… I don't want to get your couch soaking wet."

She notices my drenched clothes for the first time and something like a sad smile passes over her face. She takes my coat and hangs it over the back of a chair in the ktichen, then disappears down the hallway. During her absence I carefully slide out of my shoes and try to wring the excess water out of my outfit.

Moments later she returns with an armful of towels. "Here you go," She says quietly, handing them to me before making a beeline for the far end of the couch. She folds one leg under her and keeps the other bent in front of her as she cautiously watches me. 

I dry off as well as I can and bring with me to the sofa an extra towel on which to sit. Instead of sitting on the opposite end, like I assume Lisa wants me to, I sit down next to her, not too close but not too far.

She sends a tired glare in my direction, but it turns into a yawn and loses its menacing quality. 

"I heard about your dad," I start, testing the waters. She is staring at her hands folded neatly in her lap. "I'm really sorry."

A moment of silence passes before she answers in a hoarse whisper. "Me, too." She dips her head forward when she speaks and her hair effectively hides her face. I have to mentally stop myself from reaching over to brush it behind her ears.

"I want to go to the funeral, if that's all right with you."

She nods almost imperceptibly. "Yeah, that's fine… I think it'll be on Monday."

"Okay. That's what I figured. I could drive you up, if you want. And help you plan it."

She looks up at me and her sad green eyes meet mine. "That would be nice."

We settle into silence for a bit. I reach over and take her hand in mine. To my surprise, she doesn't fight it.   


"How're you holding up?" I ask gently, rubbing the top of her hand with my thumb and searching her eyes. I can tell she's fighting back tears. It takes her a minute to respond.

"I'm – I'm a mess, Sam. I – I'm so lost, so confused. And I know, with Alzheimer's, I'd already lost him, but still…" She chokes back a sob. I reach over and gently pull her into my embrace. She resists for a moment before relenting. I hold her as she cries, deep, sorrowful sobs that tear at my heart. This woman has been through so much pain and had no one to help her. Lord only knows how she managed to bear it all by herself. A lesser person would have crumbled long ago, but Lisa… Lisa pushed onward.

We sit there for what feels like an hour, me rocking her back and forth in my arms, rubbing her back and whispering assurances as she lets out all of her pain and sadness and fears from the past three years.

Eventually, she stops sobbing and starts to sniffle. After a while she pushes herself off of my chest and wipes at her face, her cheeks flushed.

"Sorry about that," She apologizes, refusing to meet my eyes. I reach my hand out and under her chin, tilting her face up to look at me. 

"You don't have to apologize for anything. I'm just glad I could help."

She smiles sadly at my sincere words, then gestures at my shirt. "I got your shirt wet."

"I think it blends in with the rest it now," I joke quietly. She smiles, not quite as sadly as before.

"This isn't why you came here, though, is it?" There's a slight resentment in her tone. It confuses me.

"It's part of the reason," I admit truthfully. It really is.

"What's the other part?" She asks, grabbing a tissue from a box on the coffee table and wiping her eyes and nose.

"Why didn't you ever call me when Rose died?" I dodge her question with one that has been bothering me since we met in the White House. "You knew my cell phone number."

"I was busy," She answers, expertly avoiding my gaze. "And you were busy, too, don't forget."

"I was never too busy to go to her funeral. I would have made sure of that," I assure her. She shrugs her shoulders.

"We had just broken up, and I had a funeral to plan. It was a busy time, and to be honest I didn't even consider calling you," She says, staring at the floor. She's lying through her teeth, and she knows I know.

"I'm sorry I've caused you so much pain," I apologize quietly, truthfully. She looks up at me, but this time it's me who's avoiding her eyes.

"You have nothing to apologize for. I'm doing fine," She grins momentarily. "For the most part."

We smile at each other for a few seconds before it becomes uncomfortable. I decide it's time to broach the subject I came over here to discuss.

"Lisa, when you came over before, you said that in case anything happened to you, there were two things I should know," I start, leading up to the important question with a little memory refresher.

She nods. "Yes. I love you. I never stopped loving you."

"I know. You said that one. But what I was wondering was what number two –"

I'm interrupted by her lips on mine. Softly at first, trying to shut me up, I suppose, but gradually the kiss deepens, grows more passionate. I find my mind wandering to such topics as the softness of her lips, the distantly strawberry taste of her mouth, and how I've forgotten what a great kisser she was.

With all these thoughts swirling through my head, I completely forget about what I was going to ask her, instead focusing entirely on continuing the incredible kiss. After a few minutes we both stop for air, and there's a look in her eyes I haven't seen in a long, long time.

"Just so you know, for future reference – I wasn't planning on this when I decided to come over."

She smiles back at me, leaning her forehead against mine. "If there's anything I've learned, it's that life doesn't always go according to plan."

I nod for a second before leaning down to kiss her again.

TBC


	26. Daddy Dearest

Title: Stay Anyway 25/?  
  
Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)  
  
Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1  
  
Previously, in Stay Anyway...  
  
Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment. Lisa watches home movies and, becoming depressed, decides to move back to Pennsylvania after the funeral. She's about to go to sleep when Sam knocks on the door. He holds her while she cries. When he asks her what the second thing she had to tell him was, she kisses him.  
  
  
  
*****  
  
"Nothing ages so quickly as yesterday's vision of the future."- Richard Corliss  
  
*****  
  
  
  
Oh God. What have I done?  
  
I look over next to me and watch Sam as he sleeps. My eyes narrow in confusion when I notice that half his hair is shorter than the rest. Hmm. I didn't see that before.  
  
Anyway, back to my lamenting, Oh, of all the terrible ways for this night to end… well, actually, it was as far from terrible as you can get, but still… this definitely wasn't a smart move on my part. On either of our parts.  
  
I can't help but wonder what's going to happen when Sam wakes up. Alex will be happy to see his friend again, and he's thankfully too young to understand why Sam will already be here.  
  
And me? I'm… happy he's here, too. On one level. On another I'm afraid. Very afraid. My willpower has gradually widdled away so much that I'm now at the point where I just don't feel like fighting it anymore. Screw the press, screw his job. I love him. I love him and for once, I'd like to be selfish.  
  
Selfish, but still incredibly guilty-ridden. Especially about… what he's certainly going to find out about. I rest my head on his bare chest and close my eyes, listening to the peaceful rhythm of his breathing. Even after all we've been through, we're still not in the clear. Once he finds out, we might never talk again.  
  
I used to know Sam better than I knew myself, but it's been too long, and something like this has never come up before. I can't even imagine how he'll take the news. And I don't know if I'm strong enough to tell him it myself.  
  
The way I see it, though, is that I don't even have a choice. He's going to know soon enough, and once the press gets wind of it, the situation will not be pleasant. It's better if I tell him, give him time to absorb the information, maybe even find a way to spin it.  
  
It's not even that bad of a situation. It will get blown out of proportion, of course – this IS America, afterall- but maybe the people won't see it that way. Maybe they won't even care. I mean, so what if the Deputy Communications Director of the White House had a child out of wedlock with his ex-fiancée, who wasn't even his ex-fiancee at the time? The only way it could be bad is if they think he forced me to keep his name off of the birth certificate, which he didn't. I don't know how I could prove that though. Phone records, maybe?  
  
I'm getting ahead of myself. I have to tell Sam he's Alex's father first.  
  
Sam shifts under me, yawning loudly. It's like he just read my revealing thoughts. With a determined sigh I look up at him, startled to find him staring at me.  
  
"Good morning," I say quietly. For some reason I feel a blush creeping up my cheeks.  
  
"Good morning to you, too," He smiles and leans down to kiss the top of my head. "Sleep well?"  
  
"Not really. I kept getting up to check on Alex."  
  
"Ah," He murmurs, closing his eyes. I reposition myself so I'm laying on my back, head tilted towards his.  
  
"You?"  
  
"Me? I slept just fine."  
  
We settle into silence.  
  
"Is this going to be a problem?" I ask suddenly. His eyebrows furrow, but his eyes remain closed.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Is this going to be a problem?" I repeat. One eye opens and peeps at me.  
  
"What? Us?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I dunno," He answers truthfully. It makes me simultaneously happy and sad that he's being realistic – happy because he's assessing the situation practically, sad because I think we both could use his optimism.  
  
"Sam, I think I should tell you that second thing now."  
  
Both blue eyes flutter open at the serious tone of my voice. I shift and sit up, wrapping the blanket around me as he follows suit.  
  
"Okay."  
  
I take a deep breath. 'Like a band-aid,' I tell myself. Just get it out quickly and get it over with.  
  
"I never called you when my mom died because… well, I was a little preoccupied. Remember how when we broke up, I had been sick for a while before? I thought it was the flu, but I went to the doctor, and, well.... I lied to you last night – I did think about calling you. Everyday. You see…I found out I was pregnant a week after we broke up."  
  
Sam just stares at me. He's shocked, I can tell, and he has every right to be. I wonder how long it will be before the anger takes over. It's inevitable. I just hope after the yelling that he'll forgive me. Eventually.  
  
We sit there for an uncomfortably-long five minutes or so. It feels like an eternity longer, though. When he finally talks, his eyes are eerily dark. It worries me. "Why did you never tell me?"  
  
I take a deep breath and look everywhere but at his eyes. "I know it will sound stupid now, but it made a lot of sense at the time. Not that I was in the best frame of mind anyhow, what with Mom dying and the morning sickness during the funeral plans, but… I was in shock for a while. And part of me kept thinking we'd get back together. But as the campaign progressed, I realized how wrong I was. By then, of course, it was too late. You were already in the public eye, and Bartlet seemed like such a great guy. I wanted him to win, I wanted YOU to win, and I didn't want any scandals, I didn't want to hurt you guys. So I… I never called you," He opens his mouth to comment, but I plunge onward. "Sam, I don't even know how many times I picked up the phone and dialed most of the numbers. I just… I couldn't let myself do it. And when Alex was born, coincidently on the day President Bartlet was sworn in, I did what I felt was right at the time. I left your name off the birth certificate… Listen, I know how this sounds, how this puts me in a bad light, and I don't deny what I did might not have been the best idea. But, you have to understand, Sam. An irrational part of me kept me going. I made myself believe that when Bartlet's term was up, for some reason you'd come back to me, and we'd be a family and everything would be fine. And Alex, I know it's not fair to him, but he knows he has a father. An important father. We used to watch the news together, Alex and I, and I'd tell him that his daddy lived in the big white house in DC. That's all he knows. And I feel like scum, I really do, but I don't know what to do to make it all better. I wish I did. I wish I could make it better for you, and for Alex. I wish I could make it so you didn't hate me, but I don't know how."  
  
By the end of my speech, tears are streaming down my face. Sam reaches over with his hands and wipes my tears away with his thumbs. He leaves his hands cupping my face, staring straight into my eyes, seemingly into my soul.  
  
"Lisa…" He pauses and laughs nervously. "You know, for someone who spends his days wrapped up in words, the English language sure is failing me now."  
  
I smile half-heartedly at his words, but silent tears continue to drip down my cheeks.  
  
"Lisa, I… Last night, before I came over here… Ainsley said something that – I mean, she suggested that… she made me wonder if maybe Alex was my son. And I'll be honest – at first I didn't believe it. Why would I? She was breaking up with me, and just threw that into the mess as she was leaving. But then I got to thinking, and the idea didn't seem ridiculous at all. In fact, I started wondering why I hadn't picked up on it earlier. When I asked you, way back in the White House lobby, who the father was, and you said you "certainly didn't expect him to stay" – I should have known, right? I mean, you used almost those exact words when we broke up – "I certainly don't expect you to stay, Sam." But I didn't think, I didn't even consider that he was my son. Not for a second. Not until Ainsley… And even then I had my doubts. But when I thought about you coming over, dripping wet, to tell me two things, two important things… it all started to make sense. On the way over here last night, I was so set to yell at you, to demand the truth, to get all high-and-mighty on you – but I couldn't. I remembered that Edward had just died, and you're a single mother, you'd just moved here, and you have to plan his funeral. The anger just magically dissipated. And now… now I'm left with amazement. Excitement. A little bit of hurt for having missed the last two and a half years of his life. And love for both of you. Amazement, excitement, hurt, and love. Most of all love. As corny as it is…" He trailed off, smiling. I am surprised to see tears on his cheeks, too.  
  
We sit there for a moment, staring at each other with both our faces wet. Suddenly I feel something bubbling up from inside of me. Mere seconds later, I'm laughing hysterically. Sam stares at me, smiling in confusion.  
  
"What?" He asks curiously.  
  
I try to catch my breath, but to no avail. "I… don't… know," I gasp between laughs. "It just… it's funny… we're both so… happy… for once… and we're crying… like babies."  
  
Sam shoots me a full-blown smile and wipes at his cheeks. "I wasn't crying," He defends with a lighthearted chuckle.  
  
My laughter dies down, and I grin at the man sitting in front of me. "What's next?"  
  
He looks slightly taken-aback at my words. "What?" I inquire, intrigued.  
  
"Nothing. That was just – the President always says that. It was a little weird, that's all."  
  
I nod and suddenly hear an electronic version of 'Hail to the Chief' chirping from across the room, almost as if on cue. We look at each other in confusion until it sinks in that it's Sam's cell phone. He leaps up to answer it and I climb out of bed, too, grabbing my robe and slipping it on as I go to see how Alex is doing.  
  
I enter his little room and smile at his sleeping form. I sweep the brown locks of hair out of his face and check his forehead for a fever. Thankfully, he feels normal.  
  
I hear footsteps and turn around to find Sam standing in the doorway, wearing his boxers and holding his clothes in his hand.  
  
"Lisa, that was Toby. I'm really sorry, but he needs me to come in.'  
  
I make a 'shooing' gesture and follow him into the hallway, quietly shutting Alex's door.  
  
"That's fine, Sam. He has a one thirty doctor's appointment anyway, then I have to swing by the Institute, and I have to get packed for Pennsylvania."  
  
"I want to come with," He states determinedly. I shrug.  
  
"I'm not going to say no," I say, walking into the kitchen. "It'd be economical to share a car, so when do you think you'll be done?"  
  
"I don't know," Sam sighs, sinking into a chair at the kitchen table. I can tell he's frustrated.  
  
"Rough estimate. Seven? Eight? Eight thirty?" I open the cabinet above the sink and pull out a large container of oatmeal. Sam's disgusted look at my choice doesn't go unnoticed.  
  
"Eight sounds good. Even if we're not done, I can just staff it out to some interns or something." He pauses, watching me as I prepare two bowls (one for me and one for Alex, who will be awake soon – he's always been an early- riser). "Ick. I don't want any, thank you."  
  
"Sam, you haven't changed at all, have you?" I chide. He rolls his eyes.  
  
"Oatmeal and I have never gotten along. I know it's healthy and all, but I just can't stomach it."  
  
"Okay. Suit yourself. This was for Alex and me anyway- I figured you still didn't like it."  
  
"Ah,"  
  
"Help yourself to something else, though."  
  
"Maybe." He pauses as I join him at the table. "Is it okay if I take a shower?"  
  
"No, you must remain smelly."  
  
"Ha ha," He sticks his tongue out at me playfully. I return the favor.  
  
"Seriously, though…" His tone and demeanor change suddenly. "Are we, uh… you know, are we dating now?"  
  
I consider his question momentarily. It IS a good one. "I don't know. Would you like to?"  
  
"Would you?"  
  
I roll my eyes at his avoidance of the question. "Yes. I would like to give us a second chance."  
  
He nods, then leans forward to kiss me softly. The kiss is quick, and he leaps to his feet. "I have to get ready. Toby'll have my ass if I'm late," He turns to go to the bathroom, then stops and spins around. "Wait. I – I have to tell CJ about the funeral and my days off, and she'll be wondering…"  
  
"You want to tell the world?" I guess, unsure of my feelings on the topic. He nods, scrunching up his face a little.  
  
"It would be best to tell her before anything gets out to the Press."  
  
"Yeah, that's fine with me," I answer before even realizing it. He smiles brightly.  
  
"Good. Okay, I gotta hurry now," He dashes off into the bathroom. I hear the door close and let out a sigh. I take one of the bowls of oatmeal and sit at the table. Just as I put the spoon to my mouth, I hear the distant chirping of 'Hail to the Chief.'  
  
I toss the spoon back in the bowl and hurry to my bedroom, knocking on the bathroom door as I pass it. Sam peeks his head out as I enter my room, spinning around in search of the ringing phone.  
  
"Your phone," I call down the hall, picking it up triumphantly from the dresser. He jogs into the room and snatches it from my hand.  
  
"Sam Seaborn," He answers, breathless. I watch him as he listens and he rolls his eyes. "Toby, calm down. I'm getting in the shower right now… He did? When?… Oh. How did CJ take it?… Oh… Yeah, I'll just forget the shower then."  
  
He presses the end button and looks at me. "Well, there's some good news and some bad news," He says, walking to the bathroom to get his clothes.  
  
"Okay. Good news first."  
  
"It appears that Josh and Donna are now a couple."  
  
"Really?" I can't believe it. I'm so happy for them! Ah! No wonder Donna didn't answer her phone last night. "And what's the bad news?"  
  
"The bad news," He says, hopping on one foot as he slips on his pants. "Is that Josh told CJ about the relationship today, and she's not very happy about it."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"You know, I'm not sure. I don't know the particulars yet, but I'm sure that since Josh is involved, it's something that's going to be bad, or at least irritating, for poor CJ."  
  
"Okay," I say, following him to the apartment door as he buttons his shirt. He slips on his shoes while I fiddle with his tie. "Sam, you look atrocious."  
  
"Thanks. I'll just tell everyone I slept out in the storm last night."  
  
"I don't think anyone would doubt you," I tease, leaning in to give him a quick kiss on the lips. He returns it with more energy than he should, and we stand there for a minute or two before we both stop for some air.  
  
"I'm sorry. I gotta go."  
  
"It's okay, Sam. Really. Go on."  
  
"Hey, don't forget to give Alex what's in that little white bag. I think he'll like it."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"A sailboat."  
  
"Oh, so you're already trying to turn him into your little protégé, huh?" I accuse with a smile.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you, too."  
  
He winks at me before bounding down the hall.  
  
"Wait!" I call after him. He stops in his tracks and turns around.  
  
"What?" He yells.  
  
"I forgot to tell you before – only half your hair is cut!"  
  
Even from the other end of the hallway, I can see his eyes grow wide with realization. "That's okay. No time to fix it now!" He calls before dashing out the door.  
  
  
  
TBC 


	27. Facing the Music

Title: Stay Anyway 27/?

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

_Previously, in Stay Anyway..._

Sam sees his ex-fiancée Lisa as she takes a tour of the White House with her son Alexander. He talks with her and they decide to go to dinner the next night. A political snafu pops up before their dinner, and they end up eating with Josh and Donna in the White House. Lisa vows to hook up Josh and Donna, the latter becoming a new friend. Sam encourages Lisa to stay so they can talk about what happened between them, and as she is singing her son to sleep in Josh's office, Sam talks with Josh and Donna. He goes ballistic when Josh asks if he still loves Lisa. Sam and Lisa decide not to talk about what happened, although Lisa rhetorically asks "How did we get here?" Flashbacks: Lisa is a dentist and first meets Sam at an appointment. Fast forward to Sam and Lisa living together. A misunderstanding occurs when Sam's plans for a surprise party make Lisa suspicious. She tracks down the woman she thinks he's having an affair with, and discovers it was Josh, who had been helping Sam plan everything. At the party, she and Josh, realizing who they are, react strangely when introduced, which makes Sam wonder. He confronts Josh, who tells him the truth. Sam tells Lisa it was all just a misunderstanding and they drop it. Back to the present, where Lisa informs Sam that she and Alex are moving to DC He offers to let her stay at his apartment until hers is ready - she says she'll think about it. Instead, she accepts Donna's offer to live with her and refuses to call Sam and tell him. Sam and Josh have a heart-to-heart about women, and Josh learns about the office-wide pool betting on when he and Donna would admit their feelings. Meanwhile, at Donna's, Lisa comforts Donna, who admits that Josh treats her like a platonic wife. Josh shows up at her apartment, drunkenly informing her of his love, and Donna makes him leave. While waiting for the cab, Josh tells Lisa that Sam still loves her. In the middle of the night, Sam comes over to Donna's and demands to know where Lisa is. He and Lisa have a huge fight that ends with Sam yelling that he loves her. Later that day, Lisa calls Sam and tells him it's over - they shouldn't even see each other anymore. At lunch, Sam decides to ask Ainsley out to dinner and she agrees. Fast forward to Lisa and Alex waiting in the mess to eat lunch with Donna. Before she arrives, Lisa meets Ainsley, who is waiting to eat with Sam. An awkward situation ensues, in which both Sam and Lisa pretend to not know each other. That Friday, HR 206 passes, and everyone is happy. Sam and Ainsley decline the invitation to celebrate with Josh, Donna, Toby, and CJ, and instead go to dinner. After dinner, Ainsley offers to cut Sam's hair. They go to his apartment, where they both change out of their rain-drenched clothes into sweatpants. While Ainsley is cutting Sam's hair, he leans forward and kisses her. A knock at the door interrupts them. It's Lisa, who has just found out that her dad died. She can't get in touch with Donna and feels overwhelmed. She takes Alex on a walk in the rain and winds up at Sam's building. Lisa admits she never stopped loving Sam. Then Ainsley opens the door to see if everything is okay, and Sam admits that Lisa is his ex-fiancée. Lisa mumbles that she's sorry and leaves. Sam is torn between staying with Ainsley and running after Lisa. He decides to stay, and Ainsley wants to know what happened. At her apartment, Lisa gives Alex a bath and puts him to sleep. Then she makes a few phone calls before she collapses in tears. Meanwhile, Sam and Ainsley have a talk in which Sam tells her about his engagement to Lisa, and Ainsley suggests that Alex is his son. In the end, Ainsley breaks up with him, unwilling to compete with Lisa. Sam calls Donna (who's with Josh) and discovers that Lisa's dad died. He leaves and heads over to Lisa's apartment. Lisa watches home movies and, becoming depressed, decides to move back to Pennsylvania after the funeral. She's about to go to sleep when Sam knocks on the door. He holds her while she cries. When he asks her what the second thing she had to tell him was, she kisses him. The next morning, Lisa tells Sam that he is Alex's father. He decides he's going with her to her father's funeral, then gets called into work.

***** 

"Be happy - if you're not happy what's so good about surviving?" - Rosencrantz, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, Tom Stoppard

***** 

"What the hell happened to you?" Josh's exclamation of surprise startles me on my journey to Toby's office. I spin around and look at him.

"What?"

"What the hell happened to you?" He repeats in a lower register, pointing at my head.

It takes a minute to sink in. "Oh. My hair? It's a long story."

"It looks pretty comical, Sam."

"Is it that noticeable?" I ask, a wave of embarrassment washing over me. "The security guards gave me some weird looks, but they didn't say anything… It's really that bad?"

At his affirmative nod, I grab him and yank him into the nearest men's room with me.

I groan at my reflection. I look like an idiot. I look like… there's no one to compare me to, because no one else has looked this stupid. Ever.

I turn on the faucet and ignore Josh's quiet snickering.

"What happened to you?"

"To me? What do you mean?"

"With Donna, that's what I mean."

I can't believe it - Josh Lyman is actually blushing. "I'll tell you later. What happened to _you_ last night?"

I try in vain to wet  my hair and make it at least appear even. I didn't think it was possible, but it looks even worse now.

"Well, after Ainsley dumped me," I manage to not sound bitter, which, I realize, I'm honestly not. "I went over to Lisa's."

Josh's eyes widen. "What?!?" His voice gets softer. "Was she okay?"

"Yeah. She cried, and I held her. We talked for a while."

"Just talked?"

I ignore his question. "I found out that Alexander is my son."

I watch in the mirror as Josh grabs the sink for support. "WHAT?!?"

I give him some time to absorb the information, giving one last futile swipe at my hideous hair.

He looks at me. I recognize the seeds of doubt in his eyes.

"No, you heard me correctly. It's true. I'm a father," The last word fills me with a sense of awe and… fear?

His mouth moves wordlessly for a bit.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Nope."

"But… you? You're the youngest senior staffer! You're the life-force. You're the childlike spriit of the West Wing. You can't be a father yet."

Not knowing quite what to say, I merely shrug.

"Well, he DID look like you…" He says, almost to himself. "And Donna thought that maybe… this just blows my mind! What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to tell CJ right now, then go help Toby with the speech he's writing."

Josh swallows, looking sheepishly guilty.

"I don't know if now's the best time."

"Why?" I ask suspicously, cocking my head to the side slightly. Even though Toby already told me over the phone, I still want to hear Josh say it… if only for confirmation's sake.

"Well, uh… I might have told her, maybe an hour ago, that, uh, that Donna and I are dating."

"You are?" He nods. "About damn time!"

He blushes again. This is a record. "Yeah, I know. But I don't think now's the time for you to tell her. CJ's already in full-battle mode."

"That's just 'cause she lost the pool," I joke weakly.

"Sam -"

"Yeah, I know. But I have to tell her. And I'm taking off Monday and Tuesday to go to Lisa's dad's funeral," I inform him, pushing open the bathroom door. Josh follows me, and we walk side by side in silence for a moment. When we get close to CJ's office, he stops and pats my shoulder. 

"Nice knowing you, buddy. Maybe I'll see you in our next lives."

"Funny."

"Good luck," With those words of advice, Josh darts down the hallway towards his office. I knock on CJ's open door. She's sitting at her desk, thoroughly engrossed in the file folder open in front of her.

"Yes, Spanky? I'm busy."

"I'm not going to beat around the bush, okay? I have something to tell you which will make your job a lot more difficult."

She looks up, surprised and wary. 

"Great. Can't wait to hear it," She quips sarcastically, capping her pen.

"Okay," I take a deep breath. She motions for me to sit down. I do. "Okay. On July fifth-"

"While we were in China?"

"Yeah," I pause, trying not to lose my nerve. "I ran into Lisa Prescott. My ex-fiancee."

She nods, eyes searching mine.

"Well, long story short… I still loved her, but I liked Ainsley, too, and we went out six times. Then I found out that Lisa still loved me. Yesterday, her dad died."

CJ's face is a mask. I desperately wish I could decipher it. "I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop." She says impatiently.

"You see, I'm taking off Monday and Tuesday to go to the funeral."

"Okay. Thanks for the heads-up, but you have to clear that with Toby and Leo, not me."

"I know, but I thought I'd tell you because, uh, last night I found out that Lisa and I have a two-and-a-half year old son named Alexander."

Silence. Her face grows dangerously pale, and I wonder if she's going to pass out. Then all the blood comes rushing back. And then some.

"You're telling me you've fathered an illegitimate child with your ex-fiancee?" She asks calmly.

I nod nervously. Her eyes flash wildly for a moment. If she's going to blow, it will be very soon.

"When it rains, it pours," She cries, exasperated and throwing her hands up in the air. When she calms down, she leans forward and meets my eyes. "This is going to be so much bigger than the call girl, Sam."

"I know," I agree quietly. The room falls silent again.

"To put it all in perspective," I venture timidly, eager to make her laugh, or at least smile. "It won't be nearly as huge as the whole MS deal."

Her fiery glare is her only response. I shift uncomfortably in the chair.

"Now what?" She inquires. 

"Hmm?"

"Now what? Have you slept with her? Do you love her? Are you two involved? Are you going to get married? Are you going to be that boy's father?" She demands.

Before I can open my mouth, she continues. "I want a lunch meeting. You. Me. Lisa."

"Okay. That's understandable," I croak, trying not to be afraid of the growing fire in her eyes.

"And Alexander," She makes her last demand.

"And Alexander?"

"Yeah."

"Okay." I pause. "Is that it?"

She glares at me, obviously annoyed at my naivete. "Am I the first to know?"

"In the White House? Yes. Besides Josh. And probably Donna."

"Great… There wouldn't be any pictures then, would there?"

"I don't- I don't think so."

"Good."

We stare at each other. "Carol!" She shouts, eyes still on me. 

"Yes?" Carol asks from behind me. I don't dare turn around.

"I need you to reschedule my twelve-thirty lunch meeting with Bob Dawson."

"Will do."

CJ motions for me to go, too. I stand up uncertainly and start to leave.

"And, Sam?"

"Hmm?" I spin around.

"Congratulations," She smiles brightly. "And now I'm going to quit."

I smile at her before heading to Toby's office to get some work done.

TBC


	28. Wide-Eyed Reporters

Title: Stay Anyway 28/32

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Author's Notes: Okay, I'm figuring that if you're reading part 28 out of 32 of a story, you've probably been keeping up with it and remembering it. So, instead of a page long reminder, here's a short little update: Sam discovers that Alex is his two and a half year old son with Lisa. Josh and Donna are dating. Sam just told CJ about Alex, and she has demanded a lunch meeting with Lisa, Alex, and Sam.

Short and sweet, huh?

***** 

"See the now, see the Zen

There is no division

Through the eyes of a child

There is perfect vision." - Styx, Brave New World

***** 

I glance at my watch as I gently tug on the small hand that is tightly grasping mine. Dave wasn't at the security desk when I came in, so I had to leave the stroller. Which would have been fine, except that we're running late and Alex started having a fit about being carried. He insisted on walking, which he is doing… very slowly.

I can't really blame him. He's taking in all of the commotion around him in his usual childlike urge to learn everything about everything. I would probably be overwhelmed if I were his age, too.

"C'mon, Alex. We're late. I don't want to make a bad first impression," I inform my little boy. He looks up at me, the epitome of wide-eyed innocence. I slow down and stop urging him down the maze of hallways. There's really no need to rush. Sam said today's press briefing was supposed to run longer than usual because the President was going to be discussing… something. Praising HR 206, if I remember correctly.

I decide to take notice of my surroundings, too. I've been in the White House a lot recently, but I still haven't really taken any notice of the historic building.

Alex almost trips as we turn down a hallway, and, noticing his untied sneaker, I bend down to tie it. He fidgets, trying desperately to pull out of my steadying grasp.

"Hold still, Alex. This will only take a second."

"Daddy!" He shrieks, and with a strong tug (stronger than I would have ever expected from him) he's off and running into the room next to us before I can stop him.

My stomach sinks when I realize it's the Press Room.

"Oh my God. Oh my God!" I mumble under my breath, struggling to my feet and dashing into the room after him.

I'm too late. Oh dear God Almighty, I'm too late.

The room is dead silent for an endless moment as I observe Alexander wrapping himself around the right leg of the President, happily shrieking "Daddy! Daddy!" over and over.

I freeze in the doorway, unsure how to proceed. Should I just run up by the podium and remove him? Apologize? Right then I notice just how packed the room is with reporters. Wide-eyed reporters, some frozen in shock, others scribbling furiously on their pads of paper.

In a daze, I notice CJ to my right. Without seeing her face, I can tell how surprised and horrified the woman is. Quickly snapping back into Press Secretary mode, she rushes up to the podium, politely nudging the confused President towards the doorway I am blocking. 

Appalled and full of embarrassment and horror, I back up into the hallway. My face has never been redder. I want to crawl into a hole and die. Literally. I don't stop backing up until I bump into the wall, even then I briefly contemplate running away.

TBC


	29. Sam to the Rescue! Or Not...

Title: Stay Anyway 29/32

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & other notes in Part 1

***** 

"We have a problem." "I find myself in complete agreement with that assessment, sir." - Captain Picard and Commander Data, Star Trek: The Next Generation

***** 

Ever since I've worked in the White House, I have gotten used to having the television on in the background. I have gotten so used to hearing the soothing voices on CNN or the familiar sound of CJ's press briefings that I never take any special notice anymore.

I am sitting in Toby's office, absently tapping a pencil on a blank legal pad. Toby's in some meeting with Leo about some unsettled wording of a particular sentence. All I know is that Toby wants me to revise the second-to-last paragraph of the Campaign Finance Reform proposal, save for the questionable sentence, before he returns.

Like that's going to happen.

I continue tapping the pencil on the pad, my eyes absently wandering the office. Without any particular reason, they settle on the image of the President on the TV screen. The volume is turned low, but I can tell where he is in the speech. He's almost done. As soon as he finishes, CJ will conclude the briefing and come back here to drag me to the mess for our lunch meeting.

Which reminds me - where is Lisa? She and Alex are late, although I did tell her the briefing was going to run a little long. I hope she arrives soon. I miss her. And, as selfish as it sounds, I don't want to face CJ's wrath alone.

CJ can be intimidating at times.

There is no reason for me to be staring at the TV, but nevertheless I am. There is something wrong with the image. Then I notice what.

The President is no longer speaking. He looks flushed and surprised.

Uh oh.

I leap out of my chair and crank up the volume. I have never heard the Press Room so silent before.

Then I hear what sounds unmistakably like a child yelling "Daddy!" over and over again.

My brain suddenly snaps to, and quickly puts two and two together. Lisa's late. The President looks shocked. And CJ, who is currently running up to the podium, looks like she's going to faint.

Lisa's words come back to me, clear as day: "We used to watch the news together, Alex and I, and I'd tell him that his daddy lived in the big white house in DC."

I run out the door of Toby's office, pumping my legs as hard as I can to make it to the Briefing Room before all hell breaks loose.

No such luck. I arrive, breathless, and take in the scene. Lisa is in the hallway, face beet red as she tries to blend into the wall behind her. CJ sees me enter the eerily quiet room, breathless, and I momentarily freeze under her glare.

"There will be no more questions until my three o'clock briefing," She announces matter-of-factly, gently-but-firmly pushing the President towards me. I back up into the hallway, gesturing to Lisa to follow me.

CJ joins us in the hallway only seconds later. Behind her, a sudden explosion goes off as every single reporter finally realizes what has just happened.

I notice Alex's form clutching onto the right leg of the President, face buried in his pants. CJ's gaze includes Bartlet, Lisa, and me.

"Oval Office. Now!" She instructs, pushing the President away from the room that's loudly chanting her name.

I take Lisa's hand in mine and tug her after CJ and the President. She looks up at me, her green eyes clouded with embarrassment and horror.

"It'll be okay," I whisper reassuringly. I'm not sure which of us I'm trying to convince.

TBC


	30. A Simple Explanation

Title: Stay Anyway 30/32

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & Other Notes in Part 1

***** 

"You guys, this isn't a joke." "But it's funny like a joke." - Jackie and Hyde, That '70s Show

***** 

The Oval Office is spectacular and rich with historical importance. I, however, have no time to marvel at it. I follow Sam into the famous room, still holding his hand.

CJ and the President are standing in the middle. Alex is still attached to President Bartlet's leg. He lifts his head momentarily as his host comes to a stop, catches sight of me, and waves.

Sam leads me further into the room, in between the two couches that flank a blue rug with the Seal. 

I feel awful. Absolutely dreadful.

We all turn to watch the door as three more people file in. A young black man closes the door behind Josh, the last one in the group.

Sam squeezes my hand reassuringly before we all turn our attention to CJ and the President.

CJ opens her mouth. I'm momentarily in awe of her size. She looks much taller in person than on television.

"I - I don't - I am speechless!" CJ shrieks. Her frustration is palpable.

"If I may interrupt," President Bartlet interjects good-naturedly, nodding to his leg. "If someone could kindly remove this little imp from my leg?"

I feel my cheeks grow bright red. I quietly step forward and snatch Alex. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to let go. He clutches the fabric of the President's pants with all his two-and-a-half-year-old might.

"Daddy!" He cries, then spins his head and notices me. "Mommy!" He cheers.

"Alex. Let go," I quietly demand. His face turns solemn and he relinquishes the pants of the Leader of the Free World.

I grimace at the uncomfortable silence and the amount of explaining I'm going to have to do as I join Sam's side, Alex safely confined to my arms. He senses the tension in the room and buries his face in my shoulder.

Everyone looks around at each other for what seems like an hour, but is probably no more than thirty seconds. Eventually, all the eyes in the room come to rest on Sam and me.

"Can you please explain why we're going to have a HUGE press headache for the next three months?" The gray-haired man demands at last. 

"That's Leo," Sam leans over and whispers in my ear. I nod, feeling slightly dizzy.

CJ sighs and opens her mouth. Before she can start, some hidden courage overwhelms me and I step in.

"Sir, if I may?" I ask, looking at both Leo and the President. At their silence, I continue. "I am so, sooo incredibly sorry. This is all my fault. I was just coming to meet with Sam, uh, Mr. Seaborn and Ms. Cregg, and Alex saw you, Mr. President, and recognized you from TV, and-" 

I feel like I'm beginning to babble and am forever grateful when Sam interrupts. 

"Sir, I haven't had the time to tell everyone yet, but, uh… well, now seems like the perfect time." I look over at him in time to see him flash a nervous smile at the room. President Bartlet encourages him to continue with a wave of his hand. 

"It's like this, you see… Lisa and I used to be engaged. We broke up right before I joined the campaign. Long story short- I ran into her again in the lobby of the White House, while you guys were in China, and, uh… and just this morning I found out that Alex is my son." 

I watch anxiously as they digest the information. As my eyes wander the room, I catch Josh's gaze. He smiles reassuringly at me. I smile faintly back at him, shifting Alex's weight.

"Why did we never know about this?" The gruff-looking balding man asks quietly, curiously. He seems almost amused by the situation, but something in his demeanor tells me it isn't the case.

"I only found out myself this morning," Sam defends, looking sideways at me. I try to avoid his eyes - I know what that look entails.

"Well, that's all fine and dandy," President Bartlet speaks up, looking at me and smiling slightly. "But why did the kid think I was his father - in front of many cameras and reporters?"

"I can explain that, too, sir," I jump in, fear gradually lessening. "You see, I didn't want to cause any scandals," I laugh nervously, assessing the situation. "Ironic, isn't it? Anyway, so I left Sam's name off of Alex's birth certificate. But I wanted my son to know he had a father, so I told him that his dad worked in the big white house in DC and eventually he'd get to see him," The President's eyes light up with understanding. I continue timidly. "We've watched the news together so many times that he must've thought that YOU were his father." 

There is silence, a silence so thick that I feel like I'm drowning. I think my heart stops beating, and I know I'm holding my breath. 

Suddenly, President Bartlet's booming laugh echoes through the room.

TBC


	31. Father Fiasco

Title: Stay Anyway 31/32

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & Other Notes in Part 1

***** 

"Some luck lies not in getting what you thought you wanted but in getting what you have, which once you have got it you may be smart enough to see it's what you would have wanted had you known." - Garrison Keillor

***** 

Much to CJ's relief, things have calmed down in the White House in the past two weeks.

The Press is currently concerned about the flooding of the Mississippi in southern Illinois and eastern Missouri. The whole "Father Fiasco" (as the Press dubbed it) has been reduced to nothing more than light discussion on a news show or the occasional editorial in the paper. CJ couldn't be happier.

Edward's funeral is long over. The actual service went well (as well as a funeral can go), but our absence after the bombshell on Saturday was attacked by the media. A camera crew even found us at the cemetery, but the funeral director had them removed from the premises. It was a difficult time for all of us, especially Lisa.

Since then, however, she has gradually learned to accept the spotlight. Well, perhaps not accept, exactly, but… tolerate. She appears to be enjoying her new job, but she has grown distant lately. I overheard her talking to Donna the other day about wanting to move back home.

I know she wouldn't ditch me, but I am still a little wary. Even after confronting her about the conversation and pleading with her to stay despite whatever reasons she has for leaving, I'm not entirely sure I convinced her.

Lisa and I are dating, and she should be totally honest with me, but I don't want to pry and maybe push her away. We rarely see each other as it is because of my essentially twenty-four hour job. She doesn't seem upset about it, maybe a little disappointed (I am, too), but nothing more than that. It's a relief.

Alex and I are bonding. He's a little celebrity with his teachers in his preschool, but most of the other children are oblivious to his fame. He understands now (we think) that I am his father. I've been trying to squeeze in as much time as possible with him. He hasn't started calling me 'Daddy' yet, but Lisa tells me it will just take a little while for him to adjust. I believe her.

All in all, life is going pretty well. It's been a difficult two weeks, but it's -

My thoughts are interrupted by the ringing telephone next to me.

"Hello. Sam Seaborn," I say into the mouthpiece, balancing the receiver on my shoulder.

"Hi there, Sam Seaborn," Lisa says. I can hear her smile over the phone. 

"How are you?" I ask. I can't help but smile as I talk to her. 

"I'm fine. Alex and I were doing some laundry."

"Sounds like fun," I comment sarcastically, twirling the phone cord in between my fingers.

"Oh yeah. It's a blast," She pauses. "So… you wanted to talk to me?"

"I did?" I try to act surprised. "That's right, I did. I left a message. Yeah. Do you have any plans for dinner tonight?"

"Well, it was going to be a frozen pizza, but I'm sure whatever you're about to suggest will be ten times better."

"Okay, good. You see, I wanted to inform you that the President wants to have dinner with you and Alex tonight. And me, of course. Totally informal, just with the family, maybe some senior staffers. He said he likes you and wants to get to know you and Alex, wants you to meet the First Lady."

Silence. I don't even hear her breathing.

"Lisa? Are you there?"

"I'm sorry, Sam. There must have been some static or something, because I could have sworn you just invited me to have dinner at the White House." The awe in her voice is clearly audible.

"Well, actually, I didn't invite you. Officially, it was the President's invitation. I'm just relaying the message."

"Okay. Okay. Well, let me think about this… Hmm… Frozen pizza and Looney Tunes reruns, or dinner with the President and his wife. I'm so conflicted."

"I take that as a yes?" I joke.

"Yes, yes. Definitely! I'm flattered. I mean, how much time do I have? Do I have to bring something? Not like a dish or anything, but like a box of chocolates. I should get some wine, shouldn't I? What kind of wine would be best?"

I gently interrupt her babbling. "Lisa, don't worry about any of that. Can you be here in an hour?"

"An hour? I'm in the middle of doing laundry, but - what does that matter? It's the First Family! Of course I'll be there in an hour. Even if my car breaks down and I have to walk."

"Okay, okay," I laugh happily. "I'll see you in an hour."

"Where should I meet you?"

"Oh, just come to my office. I'll show you two up to the Residence from there."

"Okay. I'll be there in an hour."

"Love you."

"Love you, too." She replies. I listen to the dial tone for a moment before hanging up the phone.

We only have an hour to get everything ready. I hope that's enough time.

TBC


	32. Stay Anyway

Title: Stay Anyway 32/32

Author: Amber (Ambino1111@prodigy.net)

Disclaimers & Other Notes in Part 1

Wow. This is it. Please stay tuned for some Author's Notes at the end.

***** 

"You could give me a hundred good reasons to leave, and I can't give you one good reason to stay… stay anyway." - Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce, M*A*S*H

***** 

"Hi, Dave!" I greet my favorite security guard at the front desk with a cheerful smile. He returns it, waving to Alex.

"Hello, Ms. Prescott. I hear you're having dinner with the President and Mrs. Bartlet."

"Yes, I am. And we're both very excited about it," I smile as I push Alex in his stroller through the metal detector. Dave waves the wand over us and hands me my badge.

"Have fun tonight. And congratulations!"

He smiles at me and I smile back, eyebrows furrowed, as I start the trek to the Communications Bullpen. What did he mean by that? Is the President going to test my knowledge about various subjects and humiliate me? It's possible. Sam did admit to me that the senior staffers lovingly refer to their leader as a "nerd."

Still, that doesn't sound like President Bartlet's style.

I tuck my concerns in the back of my mind and continue down the hallway, not looking at the Briefing Room as we pass it. I know the whole "Father Fiasco" is over, but still… I think it will be a long time before I find that room any less intimidating.

The entire White House seems odd, but it takes me a while to figure it out. The hallways are eerily void of people. I check my watch - it's only seven forty-two. Maybe there was a light workload today? Nah, Sam told me they've been busy.

I enter the double doors into the Communications Bullpen, which is also eerily empty and rather dark. The only person I see in the dim light is Sam, who is approaching me from the direction of his office.

"Hi, Sam," I say as his lips briefly meet mine. 

"Hello, there," He has a goofy grin on his face. I can feel my face scrunch up in confusion.

"Where is everybody? The whole White House seems so… empty. It's creepy."

"Oh, they're around," He answers vaguely, making an encompassing gesture with one arm.

"Sam, what's going on?" I demand. Even I can hear the tremble in my voice.

I watch in utter astonishment as my beloved Sam slowly gets down on one knee, facing me and Alex. He pulls a small black box from his pants pocket and flips it open.

I feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I realize what he's doing. 

"Sam-" I falter and let him talk.

"Lisa," He says solemnly, holding up the box first so Alex, and then I can see. "Lisa, I'm a speech writer. I've been working on this particular speech for almost two weeks now, but no matter how many times I wrote it, it always ended up sounding corny and way too sappy. So here's the truth - totally unrehearsed. I love you. When I decided to leave you before, it was the biggest mistake of my life. Not a day has gone by where I didn't regret walking out that door. And now… now I have a second chance. It's unbelievable. I know you have no reason to trust me this time, I know I can't prove to you how much I love you, but I hope… My job is important to me, Lisa, but - and it's taken me three years to realize this - it's not the only thing that's important to me. I love you more than I could ever love this job, and Alex, I love him even more than that. So, I guess what it all boils down to is this: Lisa, I know I've asked you this before, but will you do me the honor of being my wife?"

I can't see straight. Tears have been flowing at a constant rate since he pulled out the little box. I wipe at my eyes and sniff, watching as he removes the gold band with the glittering diamond from the box.

"Oh, Sam," I croak, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. "Yes, Sam. Of course I will marry you."

With that, he slips the ring on my finger and jumps to his feet, lifting me up in the air and swirling me around in a circle. I lean my head in to kiss him softly. The room suddenly erupts in loud cheers. I see from the corner of my eye a large crowd of people stream into the room from all sides, shouting and clapping. 

Sam leans down and unclasps Alex's seat belt, lifting him up and hugging the two of us to him.

Suddenly, the stream of people parts and the President walks in.

"I'm sorry I can't stay here very long, but I wanted to say "Congratulations" to both of you and wish you all the luck in the world."

"Thank you, sir," Sam says, beaming.

"Yes. Thank you, Mr. President," I choke out, smiling broadly.

With the President's departure, the excitement seems to die down. Josh takes this opportunity to climb up on a nearby desk.

"Okay, everyone. Just a reminder - there's cake in the mess! And we covered both bases, so we have a 'Congratulations' cake and a 'Sorry, Sam' cake to eat!"

Everyone laughs, including Sam and me. The crowd disperses and Josh and Donna walk over to us, grinning happily and discreetly holding hands.

"Congratulations, you two," Josh proclaims, clapping a hand on Sam's shoulder. Alex turns around to look at Josh, surprised. Josh waves at him, smiling shyly.

Meanwhile, Donna is hugging me. "I'm so happy for you, Lisa. I'm glad both of you finally found happiness."

I lean forward to whisper to her. "I doubt I'll be the only one in a wedding dress in the near future."

She blushes and grins. "I don't know about that."

I wink at her reassuringly. "I do," I insist softly.

She nods slightly and, clasping Josh's hand in her own, ruffles Alex's hair and turns to leave.

"Are you two coming?" Josh and Donna both stop on their way down the hallway and look back at us expectantly. "It's good cake," Josh guarantees.

"We'll be down in a second," Sam tells him, waving a dismissive hand at the couple. A few moments later the three of us are alone in the Communications Bullpen.

"All this was certainly unexpected," I comment as he places Alex back into the stroller and hands him the toy sailboat to play with.

"Mmm hmm," He murmurs, engrossed in the task of buckling his son into his seat. "I'd say it's well overdue, too."

We lapse into silence as he wraps his arms around me. I haven't felt this peaceful in a long, long time.

I turn around in his embrace and lean up to kiss him. It's short but filled with love. When we break it off, Sam leans his forehead against mine and stares into my eyes.

I am suddenly astounded by all I had forgotten, and I had forgotten a lot of things. I had forgotten how blue his eyes were, how romantic he could be, how his face used to light up when he'd walk in the door after work, how I used to fall asleep to the steady rhythm of his breathing, how my world used to revolve around him, whether he believed it or not.

I had gotten used to not having him in my life, and now… now I don't have to worry about that. What did I do to deserve all this? When had my luck changed?

"I missed you," I admit quietly.

"I missed you, too."

He smiles at me, a full-blown smile that actually makes my knees weak and butterflies dance in my stomach.

"Dammit, Sam," I say, tears welling up in my eyes again. "You were supposed to be in China."

He looks at me, and I can see the smile in his eyes. "Luckily for me, I wasn't."

The End

Author's Notes: Whew! ::wipes sweat off forehead and washes sap from her hands:: I can't believe it's over! I'm so sad. It's been a wild ride. At the beginning, I honestly didn't think this story would wind up being so long, but … what can I say? I wasn't in charge of it - the characters were. 

And, except for one or two times where I posted on a Monday morning, I'm proud of the fact that I kept my initial promise of posting a new chapter every Sunday. I've never been that disciplined before. I'll have to try that method in the future.

As for Sam being Alex's father - I can honestly say that at the beginning of the story, I wasn't even leaning towards that possibility. I thought it would be tougher, if they even got together, for Sam to love someone else's son as his own. But, somehow, the paternity test came back and - it was Sam. And I was torn up inside about the whole Ainsley situation - I like her and Sam together. But, darnit, I grew so close to Lisa that I just had to give her some happiness at the end.

I just want to say a GIGANTIC "Thank You" to everyone who sent me feedback, via email or a review on fanfiction.net. It was your kind words that encouraged me and helped me through writer's block.

I know Josh and Donna didn't play as large a part as I had planned, but that was how it ended up. I also have been contemplating writing a story from their perspectives during this same time frame. Perhaps if I have some inspiration someday…

I've grown so attached to Lisa and little Alex that I'm not sure I can let go. So I'm considering a sequel. Maybe even a series. Please let me know if you think it'd be worth it.

Thank you and good night.

Love,

Amber


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